You're Eyes are Getting Tired

For the next month, Gerard and I snuck around. We would meet up after school and during free period, and make out. Sometimes we would do a bit more, but nothing as far as sex. I was really enjoying it, even though I knew I only had four months left with Gerard.
Thinking about how short our time was made me wish that we were actually together. I’m going to die soon, but I don’t want to die as the side hoe. I want to be the one that Gerard thinks about when he goes to sleep. I want to be the one he dreams about marrying. I want to be the one who he spends all of his time with, but most of all, I want to be the one who is… his. I want to be able to kiss him in public. I want him to hug me and show everyone that we are together, just like he does with Cass.
All of that thinking gave me a headache so i put my head down on my desk. It made a small thud, and I saw a few people turn to look at me. I arched my neck and looked at Gerard. He was drawing something in his notebook. I loved watching him draw. His features were soft, and his eyes lit up. He was amazing at drawing, almost as amazing as he is when he sings. He gets really nervous when he sings. I don’t really know why, though. I think his voice is beautiful. Sometimes he sneaks into my room before bed and he sings me to sleep.
I realized that I’m falling even more in love with Gerard. I mentally slapped myself. I can’t do that. He’s with Cassidy and he’ll never be with me.
I heard the bell ring and I sighed. Only a few more periods left, then I can see Gerard and talk to him. I need to tell him about my condition, but for some reason I never do. I got out of my desk and walked to my next class.


Lunch finally rolled around. I walked to the tree in the back of the school Gerard and I always meet up at, and waited. He arrived, and immediately started kissing me. I pulled away and pushed him off lightly. “Gerard, I actually would like to talk today, instead of kissing.” He looked a bit disappointed, but smiled and nodded anyway. He laid on his back and pulled me down with him. I laid my head on his chest and listened to his breathing. “So what do you want to talk about, Frankie?” He asked me. I shrugged. Now was my chance. I could tell him. I could tell him about my tumor.
“Just about our days.” God damnit. Why did I say that? I should have said ‘I have a tumor in my lung and I’m dying in four months’ But I didn’t. Jesus christ. I don’t know when I’m going to actually be able to talk to him again. He’s always so busy and when we meet up, its only for short periods of time, and thats just to make out.
I felt him intertwine his fingers with mine and he flinched. Jesus Frankie, your fingers are ice cold!” He said. I put my hand to my face. He was right. My fingers are like ice. “Frank, are you alright?” He asked. I shrugged. “Y-Yeah I just…. I’m probably just cold.” He took off his leather jacket and wrapped it around me. “There ya go.” He said. I snuggled back up to him.
Then it hit me like a fucking bus. Freezing fingers is a sign of the body shutting down.
I felt tears well up, and I stood up. I took the jacket off and dropped it on Gerard, then walked away. He looked at me, confused, then got up to follow me. “Frank what’s wrong?” I shook my head. “Nothing. I’m okay.” I smiled at him, and tried to hide the fact that I was about to cry. I felt his arms wrap around me and I started bawling. It was so crushing. I’m going to die soon. I’ll be six feet under. I’m not ready to die. I’m not ready to be gone.
I’m not ready to be forgotten.

Notes

Oh my goodness I am horrible!! I say I'm going to update, but then I don't! Ugh Okay, I will TRY to be more consistent, but no promises :)
anyway...
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-CrimsonChaos