Snap shot

"What do you want to talk about?" I asked frank hoping to just get the questions over with.

"How old are you?"he asked

"seventeen almost eighteen."

"shit." He whispered to himself.

"What? Is there a problem with my age?" I asked.

"No,no it's just... you're only seventeen?" He said, his eyes wide.

"Why is that a such a shock to you?" I asked him kind of confused.

"How long have you been modeling then?" He questioned changing the subject.

"Since I was fourteen/fifteen-ish I'm not sure around that general age area."

"What?! You've been...doing those shoots since you were fourteen?!" He asked his eyes looking like they were going to pop out of his head.

"Oh god no! That's just when I started modeling, the other stuff didn't happen until this year...can we not talk about that now though? It's late and your still high." I said

"Are you always going to avoid that topic? I mean I just wanna figure it out" he told me.

"Figure what out? I'm not an interesting person frank, there's not any puzzle to solve about me. I don't even like talking for fucks sake, I'm only doing it so you don't blab to mikey." I said straight faced

" I mean figure out you in general. So far your life seems normal besides the fact that your brothers a dick to you and that doesn't seem like the answer I'm looking for." He said looking me up and down.

"What answer? What are you talking about?"

"My sister Jamia..she's a model too and she told me about you when I asked if she knew you at all."

"what did she say about me?" I asked, I mean what could she even have to say? I don't think I've ever said one word to Jamia yet she knows stuff about me?

"Like about your...problems.."

"Excuse me?" I asked raising an eyebrow

"like your eating disorder and scars and stuff." He said.

What? How could he- how could his sister possibly know anything about me? She doesn't hang out with me to see I don't eat or come close enough to me to see any scars I have. Where did she get this information and why is she spitting it all to frank?

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes you do gerard. Your lunch the other day when mikey took it was pills. I'm not stupid I've had my share of depression issues I know what anti-depressants are especially when they're something as common as Prozac." He said matter of factly.

"I don't have any eating or self harm problems like your sister says- what're you-" I said confused as frank stood up and grabbed my arm.

he pulled my multiple layers of sleeves up and flipped my arm over revealing many pink/silver marks.
"What was that about not having any problems?" He asked

"You can leave." I said yanking my arm away and kicking him forward towards the door.

"The self harms obvious from those scars and I'm betting the many shirts are to make you look heavier am I right?"

" leave." I said seriously.

"I know I'm right. I just can't figure out what makes you do this to yourself. Like I said the only shitty thing I see about your life is Mikey and if you're letting him hurt you like this-"

"fucking leave." I hissed.

"No."

"Frank yout don't get to blackmail me into talking to keep something from my own brother and then try and pry into my personal life. It's none of your business. Why couldn't you have picked any other person to annoy."

"Oh I'm annoying for wanting to help you?"

"what fucking help are you talking about?! I don't need any help!" I yelled.

"Your fucking selling pictures of your body! That shows you need help!"

"How would you know? it's not your life! Maybe I like doing what I'm doing ever think about that?"

"Yea your arm really looks like you're enjoying life with all those scars." He responded rudely.

"You have five seconds to get out before I throw you out." I said as calmly as I could.

"What-"

"I want you out of this house now frank."

"Or what?" He asked smugly.

"Or I'll-I'll....I'll tell Mikey your gay."

"Why would you do that?"

"he fucking hate gays and he'll leave you. He's your only so called friend and if he hears you're gay the whole damn school will know and avoid you like the plague."

"Is that really the only threat you have? Telling the school I'm gay?"

"Just fucking leave okay!" I yelled getting angrier by the second

"no I'm not going to- ugh! fuck!" He screamed clutching his jaw. "why'd you punch me!?"

"Leave!"

"no!"

"Leave!" I screamed punching him again harder.

This time frank fell to the floor and Mikey came running downstairs at the sounds of frank screaming then falling to the floor creating a large bang.

"Gerard what the fuck are you doing to him!" He yelled at me.

"Leave leave please just leave." I whispered beginning to cry.

"Go to hell Gerard." mikey spat at me before helping frank upstairs leaving me alone.

Frank was right he didn't do anything wrong he was only trying to figure out what made me this way. I guess I was doing a good job of keeping him away from my life now but if frank pries deep enough he'll end up digging my secrets up.

My past was horrible and I really just want to keep him as far away from my thoughts as possible. Im trying so hard to forget him but my weight and scars are just constant reminders of him permanently etched into my body.

If it wasn't for him my life would be normal. If it wasn't for him I wouldn't hate myself so much.
If it wasn't for Bert fucking McCracken I wouldn't want to die.

Notes

Deeper into gerard

guys please comment there were zero on the last update which was kinda disappointing.

oh and follow me on Instagram @bl.ind.2019

xoxox
mcrlove