Snap shot

Gerard pov

"okay so basically for the ad it's going to be a gif you know what those are right?" James asked me like I was some teenager who'd never been on the internet.

I nodded.

"Okay so grab you junk in front of the camera and then blow a kiss and wink. Simple enough."

"Naked?" I asked quietly.

"What? Oh yea no just in boxers, the ads gonna basically tell people that to see underneath they have to join the site." He said screwing with something on his camera.

I stripped down to my boxers which were just black. I stood in front of the camera waiting for James to give me the signal to start.

He nodded and I but my lip and grabbed my junk looking at the camera trying to be seductive but then leaned in close blew a kiss and winked before walking away out of the cameras range.

"Okay perfect just do exactly what you did a few more times so I can send them to the company and then they can pick which one they want. They paid upfront this time though which is nice."

"How much?" I asked.

"Your pay is one fifty It's a small company but I told them we'd do the ad I mean a jobs a job right kid?" James said.

"Don't call me kid. Especially not when we're doing these." I told him.

"Oh shit yea I always forget that you're only seventeen, but damn your body sure doesn't seem like a seventeen year old, definitely looks older in certain departments." James said gesturing to my junk.

I just shrugged.

"Hey come on lighten up your always so serious. You don't even flirt with any of the dudes you shoot with no matter how hard they come onto you."

"I don't need a relationship." I said flatly.
"can we just finish the shoot I have somewhere to be."

James just gave me a look but shrugged and said "alright go out there and grab your junk."

----

"*coughing* hello?"

"Mikey?"

"What do you want man."he asked and I could hear his voice was scratchy and slurred even through the phone.

"Mikey are you really high right now?" I asked getting more agitated by the second. I wanted to go home but I didn't want to if frank was there. I've been walking around our neighborhood for an hour trying to kill time but I was bored.

I had run out of cigarretes and had no where to get a drink.

"I'm not high just a little stoned." He said laughing.

"Mikey who's at home with you."

"your boyfriend. he's sucking my cock right now." He said trying not to giggle that annoying pot giggle of his.

"Haha my sexuality is just hilarious isn't it you little fuck." I hissed.

"you need laid you faggot." He slurred. yea he definetley must've been drinking too.

"Mikey just tell me who's home." I questioned.

"Damn it's just me and ray you cocksucker."

I hung up not wanting to talk to him anymore and I wanted to go home and sleep.
I walked the few blocks to my house and entered through the kitchen.

I threw all my shit on the ground and then went into the living room to snag a beer off mikey but almost shit myself when I saw more than him and ray.

"Mikey you said it was only you and ray!" I whisper yelled at him. "How hard is it to count you fucker."

"It is me and ray you queer." He laughed. "Franks been fucking knocked out since he got here."

"dude is he okay?" I asked worriedly.

"Why you want him to fuck you or something?" He asked being his normal dick self.

"mikey you can't get someone drugged up until they pass out and leave them like that! how fucking stupid are you?!"

"I don't need your gay advice fucker. Go upstairs and carve something pretty into your skin for me." He spat rudely.

"That is not fucking funny mikey!" I yelled "Do you really enjoy watching me bleed out that much!? God why don't I just hang myself in front of you so you can record it? you inconsiderate jerk!"

"You know what I didn't ask for you to be my brother gerard! I don't really give a shit what you do to your body. And why don't you stop yelling at me for getting high when your whole god damn lunch is fucking pills man! Now go upstairs and leave me and ray alone."

"You asshole. I hope your new little friend realizes what complete shitheads you are before he gets seriously hurt." I said seriously.

"What you gonna be his knight and shining armor and fuck him to make him feel better? like damn you really need to stop being such a freak. Bert seriously-"

"don't say his fucking name." I said as calmly as I could.

I looked around and frank was still laying down unconscious and ray was just staring at the wall in front of him not paying attention at all.

"Why can't i? Bert Bert Bert Bert Bert you little faggot!" Mikey yelled.

"Shut up!" I screamed. "shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

"Bert was right to fucking ditch you like that all you ever were was miserable."

"I was miserable because of him!" I argued.

"Go tell that to your razorblades." Mikey spat rolling his eyes.

My eyes were burning with tears. I didn't want to listen to mikey for another second so i ran downstairs to my room.
I sat there crying with that one line repeating over and over in my mind

'go tell that to your razorblades'

id been clean for two months but I didn't care. I'd just have to not do any adult shoots for a while and then I'd be fine.

I dug through my drawers until I found my blades and ripped my jeans and boxers off. I began slashing at my skin repeatedly until my leg went numb and all I could see was red.

I didnt even care anymore. nothing matters. Nothing's mattered to me since Bert. My life is falling apart and no one can fix it.

Notes

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