Snap shot

Gerard's pov

I was so frustrated by the time Mikey and frank finally left my room. mikey had started a fight between us about how he could be in my room and not 'doing' anything and it somehow escalated to Bert.

Frank sat there the whole time just looking between us as we yelled and he looked scared, like he didn't know what to do. I felt bad for what happened between us at the studio because I started it but I wasn't going to bring it up right now so soon.

I would try and talk to him about it eventually but not for a while, I really didn't want to deal with it right now.

as soon as I has started crying during the fight about the things Mikey had said to me about Bert he finally stopped screaming at me and went upstairs with frank right behind him.

When I heard the door to my room slam shut I lost it. I fell to my knees crying. Mikey didn't know anything. He didn't know shit about what Bert did to me and didn't know how much it hurt when he said things to me.

telling me it was my fault when I had been trying to convince myself for a year that it wasn't my fault. Telling me it was because I was miserable to him when he had been the one to make me miserable.

The worst thing though is when he tells me that I deserved what happened to me. Mikey doesn't even know what all happened to me but he can spit shit out at me like there's no tomorrow. He thinks he knows everything but he doesn't know shit.

I was sick of it. I was sick of reliving the past and having it haunt me. I was sick of dealing with my shitty brother. I was sick of being on porn sites for other peoples pleasure. I was sick of dragging frank into all of this and feeling guilty. I was done with being called faggot. I was done with constantly trying to be skinny I was done with everything.

I had no one to talk to at this point besides god and I wasn't even sure if he was real or not but I figured I should talk to him since he's the only that would get me. So I did something I'd never really done. I prayed

"god I know we haven't talked in a long time but this time I really need you. Please god help me I need you." I said not sure how to start.

"just give me a sign because right now I'm falling apart and I don't think that I can do it. Please god give me the strength to pull through it......tell me god should I give up?" I asked

"I could end it all right now, I-I just don't know if I'm brave enough to do it....cause there's got to be a better way than suicide? I could try to wait it out and give things time and tell myself I'll be fine. But god it's been so long and I still haven't been able to get rid of all the thoughts that I feel inside." I said thinking of memories with Bert.

"I'm just so..sick so angry...so mad...and god on top no one even fucking knows that!" I cried to myself.

I stood up and went to my desk and grabbed a pen and a notepad. I began to write a note down to everyone in general. To all the people who knew me or considered themselves to know me.

I just couldn't see my life getting any better. i was starving myself to be skinny and it wasn't working. I was taking photos for porn sites as a job, I was put into a shitty family with a shitty brother.

I just didn't want want to deal with anything anymore so I began to write my note.

Dear everyone,
I hope that you all feel guilty. Because I'm so broken now and you can't heal me. And now your all an accomplice murder because every single one of you has somehow pitched in to kill me. So the real reason why I'm writing you this letter is to say good bye and tell you that I'm leaving. But don't hold your breath because I am never coming back
sincerely yours
-g

i set the letter on my bed and stood up to go get what I needed. I started the shower so no one would come to grab me right away. I didn't want to be half dead and leave anyone with a way to save me.

i wanted to just die and not be stopped. I tested the water to make sure it was warm enough before I went to get my blades for the final act.

I opened my nightstand drawer but the blades weren't there. I panicked and began digging everywhere for my retainer case with my blades inside.

Then I remember Mikey and frank had been in my room. I ran upstairs and straight into Mikey's room. Frank wasn't there anymore I'm guessing since I didn't see him but I didn't care.

"Give them back." I spat harshly.

"Give what back?" Mikey asked

"You know what I'm talking about mikey!" I spat

"no I don't so just tell me what your looking for besides your dignity." He said rolling his eyes.

I jumped on top of him and held him down to the bed. "where the fuck are they!" I screamed.

"What are you talking about!?" He yelled back.

"My blades! Where are my fucking blades!" I screamed begging to cry as I yelled

"I don't have them!"

"Yes you do!" I cried "give them back!" I yelled grabbing his throat hoping he'd get I was being serious.

He started panicking beneath me and yelled as loud as he could.

"MOM! MOM DAD COME HERE!! DAD GERARDS HURTING ME!"

my parents came running upstairs and my dad ripped me off of Mikey.

"Gerard what the hell are you doing to him?!" He yelled.

"Were you trying to kill him?!" My mom yelled at me

all I could do was sit there and cry while my family just stood there and watched me have an emotional breakdown. It wasn't even close to killing myself but it was something to let all the frustration out....for now.

Notes

Two updates!!!
Byw half of this chapter was all song lyrics and if you guess the song or know it then comment it!

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