Bright Lights That Cast A Shadow

Black. Normally it's a color that I love wearing, and consists of the majority of my clothing. Today though, surrounded by others dressed similarly as me, I can't help but feel like the black is suffocating me, drawing me in and leaving me lost.
Frank tugs on the arm of the the black suit I'm wearing and pulls me towards the open casket. Today is the day of the visitation. Friends and family of Ray are milling around the funeral home, conversing in hushed somber tones. A couple of people are crying quietly. I can't find Mikey, but I'm guessing he left to go get some fresh air.
I was worried about him. In the past week since Ray was killed he's barely gotten any sleep or eaten. All he does anymore is cry, drink achohol, and stare blankly at a wall. My younger brother was literally falling to pieces in front of my eyes, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't help him. Me and Frank had taken turns pleading with him to leave his apartment, to eat, to shower, to drink something other than booze. Nothing ever worked. He would just stare at us blankly and then go back to whatever he was drinking. We only barely managed to get him to take a shower and eat something to come here.
I stopped nervously in front of the casket. Frank shot me a concerned look. I couldn't do it. I couldn't walk up to it and see his pale lifeless form, knowing that his association with me led to his death. Frank seemed to sense this and pulled me in close to him, squeezing my hand.
"C'mon," He whispered encouragingly. "Together." I gulped and nodded, taking that final step that put me right up the the navy blue casket.
Ray had his arms crossed over his chest just as you always see in all the movies. His face was just as pale as I imagined it, but also held a cold stony look to it. The only part of him that was still the same was that goddamn afro of his. It was still just a big and poofy as usual. For some reason, seeing that made me want to cry.
As much as I wanted to avoid it, my eyes fell upon the two small puncture wounds in his neck. Of course they had closed up, and were barely noticable to anyone else, but they jumped out to me like there was a neon sign pointing to them. Suddenly I felt sick to my stomach.
I lurched away from the casket and ran to the back exit. I shoved open the door and ran out into the alleyway. I dry heaved for a couple of minutes, until Frank found me.
"Ssh Gee. It's okay. It's okay," He soothed rubbing circles on my back. I sobbed and turned to look at him. He was wearing an all black suit, like me but with a black tie instead of a red one. Even though I felt horrible for thinking it he really did look good today.
"It's not okay!" I cried out. "I'm the reason she killed him. If it weren't for me deciding that I wanted friends he would be alive! I keep telling myself over and over that it's Lindsey's fault, but all along it's been mine! I'm the reason she's hurting you guys! This is all on me. If I never met any of you then everyone would be living happily, especially Ray who would still be alive!" I wasn't sure what I expected Frank to do next. Maybe leave me, decide that this was too much and walk away. Maybe he would try telling me that I was wrong again.
Slap!
I was not expecting him to slap me. I stared at him wide eyed as he looked at me with rage.
"You bastard," His voice was cold and I cowered away. He may have been shorter than me, but right now he seemed to tower over me. This is it. This is where he realizes how stupid he's been and leaves you. You deserve it too. I braced myself for the sting of his words. "You're doing it again! We already discussed this at the hospital. I don't know how Ray felt, but I would much rather die knowing you than live to be ninety years old. Ray fucking loved you as a friend. So don't you dare dishonor him by saying you wish you never met him. And as for everyone being better off? That's bullshit. Complete bullshit. I never told you this but I was depressed when I met you. Every smile I put on was a fucking fake! Then I met you and I actually felt happy for once in a long time, and now you're telling me that you wish we never happened?" He had stopped looking angry and had taken on a hurt sad look. "I love you Gerard Arthur Way. And even with all the bullshit Lindsey has put you through, put us through, if I could go back to when I first met you, I would do it again."
I looked at him in a sad way hopeful. "You mean it?" He smirked.
"Yes you big dickhead." He placed a chaste kiss on my lips before grabbing my hand and leading me back inside.
~~~
"Frankie, you're too perfect for me," I concluded as we walked into his, scratch that, our apartment. He grinned and wiggled his hips.
"You're damn right I am." He walked up to me sassily and wrapped his arms around my neck. He looked up at me through his lashes. "It's a good thing you're pretty." I smirked at him and leaned down so that I could kiss him.
He kissed me back lovingly before pulling away and grabbing my hand.
"C'mon, the funeral is early tomorrow morning. We should probably go to bed." I nodded and let him lead me to the bedroom that we shared. We both stripped down to our boxers and climbed under the duvet. Frank curled up to my side, and I heard him snoring softly within minutes.
I on the other hand stayed awake. I couldn't sleep. Images of Ray kept on popping up in my head, keeping me up. Finally I decided that I couldn't take it anymore. I climbed out of bed as genly as possibly to ensure that I wouldn't wake up Frank.
Once up I crept over to the closet where Frank had said I could use to store my art supplies. I hadn't been doing art lately and I kinda missed it. I pulled out a canvas and the paints that I would need.
I set up my supplies in the living room and laid down newspaper to catch any stray paint that may fall. Satisfied with my setup, I picked up and brush and began.
I lost myself in the colors of the painting, my mind concentrating on each swirl and stroke the brush made. I watched as it slowly came together in front of my eyes. A swirl of cashmere brown here. Thin lines of black here. Dash of red and midnight blue.
It was early morning by the time I put the brush down and stepped back to admire my work. The picture featured two lifelike people. I had painted a broken boy wearing all black, burying his head in his hands, his black hair covering his face. It was very clear to see that the man was upset and crying. Behind him resting their hand on his back was another man. This one's face was clear to see, and his hazel eyes seemed to shine with sympathy. He was dressed similarly to the broken boy, but you could see a faint outline of wings coming from his back, portraying him to be a protector and comforter of the broken boy.
I had drawn me and Frank as I saw us. He was my protector, and was always there for me no matter what. He was like my guardian angel, just sexy as fuck.
Behind us were more people. They weren't as defined as us though. They were almost like ghosts, and from waist down they seemed to swirl into nonexistence. Mikey, Ray, Bob, Elena, Lindsey, James, my parents. They all filled in the background. All the people who I cared about or wronged.
I studied it for a long time before I sighed. I finally felt tired enough to fall asleep. I trudged to bed, falling asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Notes

So I found this song that features Gerard AND OH MY GOD HE LOOKS REALLY HOT. go watch the video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OkjCHjXREHQ