Bright Lights That Cast A Shadow

Time seem to pass by me sluggishly now. Days seemed lonely and boring, and my nights were constant battles with myself. I felt like I was living in a world of color but could only see grey. I wasn't sure how I had lived like this before. Without Frank I felt like nothing.
I missed his hugs and his grin. I missed him barging into my house whenever he felt like it. I missed waking up in the morning to find him sitting in my kitchen. I missed his visits to the store while I was working. I missed him.
I hadn't seen him since he had run out of the alley three days ago, and already it was tearing me up.
~~~
I trudged into work, a grim expression on my face that seemed to be a permanent feature of mine now. I shrugged past Ray and Bob, not speaking. They took my silence in stride, I think they were accustom to it by now.
I walked into the back room to hang up my jacket and grabbed my name tag. I heard the door open and shut behind. It wasn't a big surprise when I turned around to find Ray. He was rubbing his head awkwardly and shuffling back and forth.
"Uh Gerard?" He was very hesitant to talk to me. I guess I would be too if I was talking to a moody vampire. "Okay I know something happened between you and Frank. I don't know what, but I can see that it's really hurting you and I wanted to know if you maybe wanted to talk?" He rushed his words in an effort to get them out. I was about to tell him no thanks when I realized that I really did.
I had this building up inside of me, and I felt the urge to talk to someone. Even if it didn't help whatsoever, it might just feel good to let it all out. And I knew Ray. I always came to him when I had a problem that I needed help with. He was a good listener. Sometimes I really felt like I should put more effort into our friendship.
Slowly I found myself nodding, accepting his offer. His eyes went wide and he smiled.
"Wow, really? I thought I was just gonna get a fuck off. Okay." I gave him a weak tired smile back. He pulled up two chairs and sat down in one, gesturing for me to take the other.
"What about working?" I asked seeing that he meant now. He flapped a hand.
"Bobert is a big boy. He can handle himself. You do it all the time." I nodded accepting the fact that it was true.
"So what's up?" He asked entering the conversation in a light way. I opened my mouth and found words spilling out. I spent the next hour pouring my heart out to him. I told him how I felt about Frank and how much he changed me. I told him about the things we did. I told him about the alley and how he had called me a monster and ran away. I told him how much I missed him. Through it all he just sat there patiently listening, not once butting in, until the end.
"And now he hates me?" I cried. I just felt so helpless at the moment. Ray looked thoughtful for a moment before speaking up.
"Does he?" I looked up at him in confusion.
"He told me to stay away from him and that I was a monster. I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me." I tried using sarcasm but my voice cracked and it just came out miserable.
"But does he hate you, or was he just really scared by what just happened?" Ray pressed on, "Just think for a second. When you told me and Bob and Mikey, you did it in a calm way. But Frank found out by almost getting killed by a psychotic bitch. He was probably too terrified to think straight." I wanted to believe Ray's words, I really did, but I couldn't. If I gave myself that hope and it was later crushed it would hurt. If I let myself believe that Frank hated me, then things could only get better if I was wrong.
"Just give him some time to think over things," Ray suggested, standing up and slapping me on the back in a friendly way. As much as I hated to admit it, there was a small bit of hope rising up in my chest. I grimaced as I felt it grow stronger.
"Ray Toro, you're a fucking psychologist!" I called out as he walked away. He just grinned and walked back out to the main part of the store, his fro bouncing the whole way.
"Goddamn him for making me feel hopeful," I muttered under my breath as I buried my head in my hands.
So I needed to give Frank time and space. I hardly doubted that it would solve anything, but that fucking fro with a little human on the side made me hopeful that it would. But if he wasn't around me and Lindsey came back for him what would he do? He needed to protect himself. An idea formed in my head.
I walked back into the main room and spotted Ray at the checkout. I waited patiently as he finished up with a customer before asking him for his help.
"Fro fro! Can you come over to my apartment later today?" I asked giving him puppy dog eyes. He rolled his eyes back at me.
"Yeah sure, even without the puppy dog eyes," He replied. "What for?"
"I need you to take something to Frank for me."
~~~
I paced back and forth in front of the door, waiting for Ray. The shop had closed early since it was Sunday so Ray was suppose to be here at six. I glanced down at my watch again. Nearly six... Not two minutes later there was a knock on the door. I rushed over and peered through the little eye hole before opening the door.
"Hey Gerard," Ray gave me a small wave and stepped through the threshold into my apartment. He glanced around, taking the place in while I grabbed the bag.
"Here it is," I gingerly handed it over to him.
"Holy shit Gerard! A gun?" He exclaimed seeing what was inside of it. He took it anyway, and pulled the bag farther open so he could see its full contents. "And bullets...Are these silver?" He asked grabbing the box of ammunition.
"Yes," I nodded. "I need Frank to be able to protect himself when I'm not around to do it. If Lindsey goes after him he can defend himself. Hell if he wants he can come shoot me. God knows I deserve it," I added the last part as a bitter after thought.
"Gerard..." Ray said softly. He looked as if he wanted to add more but he closed his mouth. He started again. "I'll make sure they get to him."
"Thank you," I was very grateful for him doing it. Frank had asked me to stay away from him so I would respect his wishes. Ray turned to leave, this time with bag in hand.
"Oh and Ray?" He stopped. "If he asks tell him...tell him it's from a friend." He nodded and walked out the door, shutting it behind him.

Notes

Ah did you all celebrate today? Gah people kept on referring to today as 1D's anniversary. No peasants. It's IMCRD. get with it. (im sorry if i offended anyone...sorta)

and aah! comments! comments make the world of fanfiction go round! so thank you for those!

okay im done...