You're Beautiful To Me

A week after I come home from the hospital Frank goes out for a band practice and I spend the morning playing with Miles and Anna in the living room, Anna attempting to wrestle her unicorn while Miles and I curl up on the couch and read stories, Miles' eyes fixed on the colourful pictures when my phone buzzes and I reach out to pick it up off the table, seeing I have a message from Ryan, having given him my number while I was still in the hospital. 'I thought it was supposed to get easier with time but it doesn't, it just gets harder and I'm hanging on by a thread.' I sigh softly as I reply to his message 'Is there anything I can do?' A few minutes go by and I return to the story, only half heartedly reading now as I'm worried about Ryan when my phone buzzes again with his reply. 'I don't know, I've been at the cemetery all day and I can't seem to leave this spot.' I close the message, sitting the phone down again and wondering what I can do when I realise whatever it is I can't do it from here so I stand up, taking Miles with me and Anna drops her unicorn and comes running over to see what's happening. "How about we go out for a while huh?" I ask and Anna bounces and says "Yay" while clapping her hands. I take the kids into their room and get them ready to go out before loading them in the car and I start the drive towards the cemetery I know he's in, not a lot of traffic around so the drive doesn't take long. When we get there I take Anna out of the car before reaching back in for Miles and once he's settled on my hip I close the door and lock the car, pocketing my keys before taking Anna's hand and as we walk in I tell Anna that I need her to be a good girl and to stick with daddy, praying that she understands enough to behave. Anna nods her little head in response, keeping her hold on my hand as we slowly walk in and I see Ryan sitting on the grass in the newer section of the cemetery, most of the graves there unused yet. We make our way across the grass, Anna looking around excitedly, happy to be outside and when we reach Ryan I drop Anna's hand and sit down beside him, settling Miles in my lap as Anna stands beside us staring at Ryan who has tears streaming down his cheeks. "Sad" Anna exclaims as she points at Ryan and he looks up at her, a small smile twitching at his lips and I smile at her as I say "Very good baby, you wanna sit down with daddy?" Patting my spare knee and she walks the few steps over and turns around, my arm coming out to wrap around her waist and gently guide her into my lap. "Hi" Ryan says in a shaky voice and I offer him a sad smile as I say hi back. Anna and Miles continue to stare at Ryan curiously and he glances down to look at both of them and I say "Do you guys wanna say hi to daddy's friend?" "Hi" Anna says softly, ducking her head a little with shyness and Miles offers him a smile but remains quiet. "Hi guys" he greets them back softly before turning his attention back to the headstone infront of us, a picture of Jason on the stone. "Hey guys you see this" I say as I remove my arm from Anna and reach out to point at the picture, both kids looking up at my face. "This is Jason and he's a hero, he saved daddy's life" I tell them and both of them turn their heads to look at the stone, seeing the picture and Anna reaches a hand out towards it and repeats "Hero." "That's right baby" I tell her as I bring my arm back to wrap around her little waist again and Ryan lets out a small sobbing whimper. "Sad daddy" Anna tells me, turning her attention to Ryan and I softly say "Yeah baby Ryan's sad." Anna turns her head to look up at me, her forehead creased in confusion, clearly not understanding what's happening only comprehending that crying means you're sad before she stands from my lap and walks the two steps over to stand in front of Ryan, reaching out to gently pat the top of his head like she does when Miles cries, the gesture making Ryan smile again through his tears.

Twenty minutes later Ryan has calmed down and has moved closer to me, his head resting on my shoulder as he slumps against my side, Miles still curled up contentedly in my lap on my other side and my free arm is wrapped around Ryan's waist while Anna runs around on the grass, chasing a butterfly while we watch her. "Your kids are beautiful" Ryan tells me and I smile wide as I say "Yeah they really are, they're the best thing that ever happened to me." "I'm sorry i dragged you all the way out here I just...." "No don't be sorry, I told you I'm here for whatever you need." "I was actually surprised you answered, after what happened at the hospital the last time I thought maybe you wouldn't want to talk to me again and...." "Hey i kissed you too, lets just put it behind us." Ryan tilts his head to look up at me, offering me a smile before turning his attention back to Anna who has given up on the butterfly and is coming back over to us. "Hey baby did you have fun?" I ask as she stops in front of us, slightly out of breath but with a big smile on her face. "Pretty" she tells me and I smile back as I say "Was it a pretty butterfly?" She nods, smiling a little wider and showing her teeth before she turns her gaze on Ryan and launches herself into his chest, catching him off guard and knocking him over as she falls on top of him. "Anna" I scold her as Ryan sits back up, bringing her with him as he chuckles softly and says "It's ok" Anna giggling too. "I'm so sorry, Frank let her watch wrestling with him and now she turns every situation into a wrestling match." "Oh really" he says as he turns his gaze back to her in his lap, his hands still holding her sides and he starts digging his fingers into her sides and tickling her and she squirms in his lap and shrieks as he keeps tickling her before he lifts her up and quickly lays her on her back on the grass beside him, flipping over onto his knees and gently sliding up her shirt which has already ridden up a little to expose her stomach which he leans in and blows raspberries on, causing Anna to shriek and kick out as she hits at the top of his head, trying to escape. A few minutes later they have settled down again, Anna curled up in my lap with Miles when my phone starts ringing in my pocket and I pull it out to see Franks face on the screen. "You wanna answer it?" I ask Anna, talking on the phone being her new obsession and she bounces around and nods, holding her hand out for the phone but I swipe my finger to answer the call before putting it to her ear, her hand resting over mine as she yells "Hi" into the phone. "Not so loud baby" I tell her and she giggles before shrieking "Daddy" clearly recognising his voice. I let her talk for a minute before I hear Franks voice asking her to put daddy on so I gently take the phone back from her and put it to my ear. "Hey babe" I greet him and he says "Hey beautiful, where are you guys?" "We're at the cemetery with Ryan, we were actually about to head home." "You're where? Why are you there?" He asks, his tone changing from happy to angry and I sigh as I say "Look we'll talk about this later. We'll be home soon" before hanging up, sighing softly as I know when we get home it's going to end up in an argument.

Notes

So....more Ryan drama