You're Beautiful To Me

When I wake up I'm still in Franks arms, his eyes closed and his breathing even. I consider moving away but I don't have the energy so I slump back against his chest, my face buried in his neck and I breathe in his comfortingly familiar scent, feeling a strange calm wash over me. I let my eyes slip closed again and a short time later Franks arms tighten around me and he whispers out "How are you feeling?" I swallow hard before whispering back "How did you know I was awake?" "Your breathing, it's not as deep as when you're asleep." "Oh" I whisper back before we fall into silence again, Frank starting to gently rub his hand up and down my back. "I did the right thing, right?" I ask softly, my chest feeling heavy and my stomach feeling tight with guilt over what I've done and Franks hand stills as he says "Yes baby, you did the right thing. The doctor told you this pregnancy would more than likely kill you, your heart is too weak to handle that kind of strain anymore. You've been as sick and tired as someone about to go into labor and you were only three weeks along, your body couldn't take it." "I just, after Anna and Miles...I love them so much and I would never want my life without them and I just killed another of our children and...." "Hey hey it's ok" Frank says softly and I bite my bottom lip against the tears I feel welling in my eyes. "Baby I know I fucked up but I love you so fucking much and I would never hurt you like that again. Nothing happened or is happening with that guy, it was a one time lapse in judgement and I know you might not believe me but I swear on my life I would never do that to you again." "I don't....I don't know what to believe anymore Frank" I tell him softly and he gasps softly as he says "So that's it?" "I...just please don't go" I beg, my voice wavering and cracking and Franks hand comes up to gently ease my face out of his neck, his head tilted to look at me and he locks eyes with me as he says "I'm not going anywhere."

An hour after we wake up a nurse comes in and offers us dinner, leaving a tray of food and I pick at it but don't eat a lot, Frank eating most of it. After the nurse comes back to collect the tray the doctor comes in and checks me over, asking how I feel before telling me I am free to go home. Frank helps me out of bed and into my own clothes again before we leave the hospital, heading over to Mikey's to pick up Miles and Anna who are excited to see me, Anna dropping her unicorn and running over to me, bouncing around with her arms held up, waiting to be picked up and I bend down and scoop her up, resting her against my hip and she wraps her arms around my waist as she says "Hi dada." "Hi baby" I greet her, my voice wavering as my eyes well with tears and I lean in and press a soft kiss to the top of her head, hugging her to my chest until I feel a tugging at my pants and I look down to see Miles grinning up at me as he attempts to pull himself up using my pants. "Hey cheeky boy" I greet him as Frank steps over and picks him up, helping settle him on my other hip and Miles nuzzles his face in my neck as he chirps out "Da." "Daddy missed you so much" I whisper to him as I press a kiss to the top of his head and I start to feel weak, feeling like I need to lay down so I slowly walk over to the couch, taking a seat beside Mikey and Anna climbs down out of my lap and runs across to where she left her unicorn while I shift Miles around to stand in my lap, my hands supporting him around his waist and he gurgles to me as he reaches out and grabs at my nose and I know in that moment that I made the right decision, thinking about all the things I would have missed if I had chosen differently.

Notes