You're Beautiful To Me

The next morning Frank wakes me up early and we get the kids ready before we leave for the doctors office, Frank sitting in the waiting room with Miles and Anna while I go in and I tell the doctor how I've been feeling. He runs a few tests, taking some blood before sending me home with instructions to listen to my body and get plenty of rest if I need it and a prescription for medication to help with my nausea and he tells me he will call when he gets the test results back. After we leave the doctors office we go back home and I spend the afternoon playing with Anna and Miles while Frank works on some new song ideas that are rattling around in his head. Late in the afternoon the kids are down for a nap and I am about to go wake them before they sleep too long when the phone rings and I answer it, my doctor on the other end. "Gerard I have your test results and I need you to come into the office so we can discuss them. I have an opening at ten tomorrow morning, can you make it then?" "Uh, yeah sure" I tell him before hanging up and I spend the rest of the afternoon and night on edge, wondering what could be so wrong the doctor wouldn't tell me over the phone.

The next morning Frank heads off to work at the bar after I assure him I can make it to my appointment on my own and he presses a long lingering kiss to my lips before pulling away and saying "You're gonna be just fine baby." After he's gone I get the kids ready and put them in my car, driving them over to Mikey's and while they're preoccupied with his girlfriends puppy I sneak out and get back in the car, making my way to the doctors office and I get straight in, taking a seat and the doctor opens my file and says "Well Mr Way the test results indicate you're pregnant again. Now as we've discussed before this can have a devastating effect on your body and it's already effecting you more than it should so I would recommend we terminate the pregnancy before it goes any further." I sit in shock, the words pregnant and terminate rolling around in my head before it all clicks and I choke out "You want me to kill it?" "Mr Way I know this seems extreme but ultimately if you proceed with this pregnancy there may be nothing we can do to save you, or the baby." I feel my eyes well with tears as I choke out "I need.....I need time to think about...." "I understand Gerard but time is running out to do this safely, the earlier we get the procedure done the better." I nod vaguely as I stand and stumble out of the office, making my way back outside to my car and I sit inside just staring out the windscreen while my hand rubs over my lower stomach and I cry, my mind racing with questions and my chest feeling tight.

After I manage to pull myself together a little I start the car and head back towards Mikey's but when I'm almost there I change my mind and head towards the bar instead, pulling up out the front and I stand on the street getting my breathing under control before I swallow hard and go inside. The bar is dimly lit and smells slightly of cigarettes and strongly of beer and various other alcohols and I spot Frank at the bar, a man seated on a stool infront of him and they're leaning on the bar towards each other, their faces almost touching as they speak in hushed voices like the conversation is private and the longer I watch them the more of a couple they look like and as I make my way over the guy reaches out and cups Franks cheek in his hand and I freeze in place as Frank looks up, his eyes widening when he sees me, looking like a child who got caught doing something they know they shouldn't have and it all clicks. "This is him isn't it?" I snap, my voice wavering and Franks face pales further as he rounds the bar to approach me and he says "Baby it's not what it looks..." But his voice sounds far away before it trails off and the room spins violently as my legs buckle beneath me and I fall to the floor, slipping into unconsciousness.

Notes