Best Friends Forever, But Not Now

I was eating lunch in the kitchen while Bandit was at school, texting Jimmy about our new album when the door opened, slamming against the wall.

“Lindsey? This is important.” It was Frank. What could he want? He already took my husband, what else could he possibly need?

“What is it?” I groaned.

“I know you kissed him, and I know you told Jamia that we were together. Oh god.

“I didn’t mean to kiss him. I apologized for it, he accepted my apology.”

“Can you tell me about the Jamia thing?” He demanded. “Gerard is with Mikey and Kristin right now because she said something to him that made him go into a panic attack. I want you to come with me.”

Fuck. I didn’t know she didn’t already know. “I swear to god, I had no idea she didn’t know!”

“She was talking shit about his alcoholism and now he’s panicking. He ran off and Bert McCracken took him home.”

“I’m so sorry!” I apologized. “I had no idea.”

“It’s fine, just get in the car.” He groaned.

“Okay.” I said.

The car drive was boring, considering we had nothing to say. The only thing Frank and I had in common was the way we performed. Both jumped around, broke shit, and then regretted it that night as we complained out our backs hurting.

We also had another thing in common.

We were both in love with Gerard Way.

As much as I hated to admit that I still loved him, but I didn’t need him to survive.
I was strong enough to live without him, I just didn’t want to, because that meant I’d have to get over him. It would mean I’d have to meet someone else and hope that they make me feel as amazing as Gerard did. But then i realized, there is no getting over you.

“We’re here.” Frank commented,pulling up in Mikey’s driveway.

I honestly didn’t want to see him like this. That’s why I left him. It was painful to watch someone you looked up to in such a positive way self-destruct. That’s something I always admired about Frank. It made me so jealous.

He could fix Gerard’s problems with the snap of his fingers. He could look at Gerard as he fell into a bush, yelling drunken slurs, and help him. And that was something that I would find too painful to do. I tried, and it hurt so bad.

When Gerard relapsed, I tried to help him, but he kept claiming that “no one could fix him” and then he would add, “no one that loved him”

Bandit would stay with Mikey for a few days, and my attempts would fail. And so I sent him into an apartment. I checked up on him once a week, made sure that he had his clothes, and that he had medicine and coffee and food and his sketchbook.

As we walked into Mikey’s house, I saw a man that wasn’t Gerard. Gerard wasn’t afraid of anything. This man was afraid to walk.

“Lyn-Z!” He exclaimed. “Why were you with her?”

“I-I’m sorry, Gee.” I sobbed.

“Stop crying over me.” He interjected. “This isn’t your fault.”

“Yes, it is. I told Jamia that you were sobering up and I told her that you were staying here.”

“It’s okay, I know you didn’t mean it. If you meant to hurt me, you wouldn’t have let me go in the first place.”

Frank looked at me for a minute. He didn’t know what to say. “Um, Lindsey, I might be good at sobering him up, but I can’t stop panic.”

“Gerard, give me your phone.” I demanded. He handed me the phone and I signed onto his twitter. “Read these.” He looked back up to me. “You helped all these kids, you can’t let one person take that away from you.” Gerard looked up to me, stopped hyperventilating, and just paused for a second. His breathing got better, he smiled for a second, and then he took my phone.

“You should take your own advice, Lindsey.”

Notes

Chapter Title: "I'm a Fake" by The Used.
Here it is!