Prison

Gerard's P.O.V

I sat around in the social area for the remainder of my free time and I was alone, I had nobody to talk to and all I could do was worry myself sick about Frank. I was also angry at the fact that Jason can just manipulate us both all the time, and that we'll always end up doing what he says, and falling victim to him time after time.
When the free time was up I trudged back to my cell glumly, listening out for Frank's voice but hearing nothing. I asked the guard to unlock my cell and when I went in I sighed because Frank wasn't in there. I just sat there being lonely and worried as fuck and just wishing that Frank was here with me, but no. Instead he's being fucked in the ass by Jason. I felt anger sweeping through my body as I worked myself up even more, tears of fury were prickling up my eyes and my fists were clenched tightly. A thought which I would probably soon regret crossed my mind. I have a blade, why don't I just use it? It will probably relieve me from stress if I just cut myself, for fucks sake what is there to lose. I got up and found the blade in my drawer, then sat back down on my bed and put it to my wrist and closed my eyes. Then it was kind of the devil and angel scenario, you know, the one where part of you is saying '' Oh just fucking do it already. '' while the other part of you is saying '' No don't! Look how far you've come, you can't do it! ''
I was just about to drag the blade across my wrist when a voice in my head said something.
'' You can't do this, Gee. Look at how much you've gained and how far you've come, don't end it all now over this. I know you can stay strong Gee, '' it said to me. The voice belonged to Frank.
'' I-I'm sorry Frankie, '' I choked out before completely ignoring the voice in my head and dragging the blade across my wrist. I did it again, and again...and again. Over and over, just cutting my wrist, then I switched hands and did the same to my other wrist. I was bleeding. A lot. I liked the feeling of blood coming out of me though, for some reason, so I carried on hurting myself, the pain felt good and like it was refreshing me.
I stopped and looked at my completely wrecked wrists, then I realised just what I'd actually done, and a wave of regret came over me.
'' Oh what the fuck have I done, '' I cursed myself angrily, '' how could I even do this?! I've gone for so fucking long just pulling myself through it all and for what? Nothing now since I just completely blew it. It's been fucking ages since I've done it and now I just threw it all away. ''
I hated myself so fucking much, and I was full of rage because of how weak I was, then I remembered something which made me burst into tears. Frank. What's he gonna do when he finds out? He's gonna be so mad. No, actually, he'll be disappointed, which is even worse because it makes me feel guilty as fuck.
I sighed in anger and threw the blade across the room, and it bounced off the wall and onto the floor. Frank's gonna be so upset because of me. I burried my face into my pillow in self-shame and stayed there for a while before I drifted into a light sleep.

Notes

Okay so this is a short chapter sorry, also it's quite depressing but I just wanted to say that I've felt exactly like this before and it helps to get my feelings out so sorry if I upset anyone with it.
Also I hope to fucking god that none of you guys have ever felt like this:'(
And if you ever do you can always message me on here bc I don't want anyone to be sad or have these thoughts I want you all to be happy xx