You Can Cry All You Want To, I Don't Care

The next morning I wake up and I feel overwhelmingly sad. I roll onto my side facing away from Franks sleeping body and stare at a spot on the wall until my vision becomes too blurry and my cheeks are soaked, a small wet patch forming on the pillow under my cheek. I try to keep quiet but all too soon my breathing hitches and I let out a choked off whine and my silent tears turn into big gulping sobs. I don't feel Frank move behind me but all of a sudden his arm wraps around my waist and he gently guides me to roll over and as soon as my eyes lock with his I break, letting out a pained scream before launching myself into his chest, my face buried in his neck. "Baby Shh it's gonna be alright" Frank whispers to me as his hands gently stroke my back and hair and I sob harder, feeling completely devastated. Frank falls silent and just holds me, letting me cry it out until I'm still panting and whining but no more tears are coming out, like I've run out. I clench my fists in Franks shirt and leave my face buried in his neck as I continue to softly whine like I'm in physical pain. Frank continues to just hold me close until I'm ready to pull away and when I pull back I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling. Frank lets out a small sigh and when I roll my head to look at him he's staring at me looking scared. "Babe, are you alright?" I just stare at him, not feeling like talking and we hold our gaze for a few seconds before I turn my head to look at the ceiling again. I feel Franks hand slide into mine between us and I let him slide his fingers between mine, curling mine up to hold his hand as I focus on getting my breathing fully controlled again.

We lay in silence for what feels like hours, Frank just holding my hand and letting me deal with it before my stomach rumbles loudly but I don't pay any attention to it. "Come get some food with me babe" Frank says softly and I shake my head, still not feeling like talking. "Please" he pleads and I roll my head and shoot him a sharp look and his face falls like I just hit him. I can't deal with being guilted right now so I drop his hand and roll over, staring at the wall again and a few seconds later I feel the bed shift as Frank gets up and leaves the room, closing the door behind him. I let my eyes slip closed and a few minutes later I hear the door open again and the bed dips. I assume it's Frank coming back but when I turn my head to look the hand just resting on my shoulder belongs to Mikey. His eyes are full of pain and he says "Gee, what's going on?" I feel my eyes well with tears again and I remain silent. "Gee please, talk to me. You're scaring the shit out of Frank and I see why." His words break me again and I whine loudly as my tears once again turn into full blown sobs. "She's gone Mikes and it hurts, it hurts so bad" I choke out between sobs and Mikey's arms wrap around me, pulling me into his chest and I go, burying my face in his shirt and soaking it within seconds. I don't hear the door open over the sound of my own sobs but suddenly Frank is climbing onto the bed on my other side between my back and the wall, his arms wrapping around me and I lean back into him slightly as I continue to cling to Mikey and after another few seconds Pete climbs onto the bed too and crawls over to lay ontop of me, his arms also wrapping around me. I struggle to breathe for a few seconds, being crushed between the three of them and I wriggle around and say "Pete get the fuck off me" and the three of them start laughing as he climbs back off me and kneels at my feet. I shift to sit up, needing air and when I face Pete he looks worried and I reach out and grab his hand. "I'm sorry" I say and he smiles and says "It's ok, I just wanted hugs too." I shake my head at him before turning my attention to Frank who is now sitting beside me and I lean over into his side. "I love you so so much" he whispers in my ear as his arms wrap around me again and I lay my head on his shoulder as I whisper back "I love you too, please don't ever leave me." "Never ever baby" he promises and I sigh in relief, the pain in my chest seeming to ease a little.

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