You Can Cry All You Want To, I Don't Care

I am on the edge of sleep when my phone starts buzzing on the table and I reluctantly roll onto my side and reach out for it, forcing my eyes open to see Franks name on the screen and I hesitate for a few seconds, the phone continuing to buzz in my hand before I take a deep breath and answer it, bringing the phone to my ear but I don't say anything, just listening as I breathe shallowly and Frank remains silent too, the sound of his breathing the only thing letting me know he's there. We listen to each other breathe for a minute before I let my eyes slip closed again and I focus on the mostly steady but occasionally shaky breaths Frank is emitting and it's lulling me closer and closer to sleep. "Frankie" I whisper out so softly I don't even know if he'll hear it, afraid to break the peacefulness of what's happening right now but a few seconds later his breathing hitches and I hear him whisper "It's too cold and empty without you here." We fall back into silence after that, just listening to each other breathe and as I'm right on the edge of sleep again I hear Frank whisper "I love you but I know it's not enough to save us," his breathing becoming erratic and then the line goes dead and I stop fighting, letting sleep wash over me as I drop the phone onto the pillow beside me.

The next two days pass slowly, Mikey and I hang out most of the time, playing video games and spending hours browsing the comic store and the record store and Frank never calls again. I am laying in bed wondering what that could mean, whether we are over and he no longer cares or if he is just giving me space to heal from everything he's put me through when the doorbell rings through the house and as I'm the only one home I drag myself out of bed and stumble downstairs to answer it, coming face to face with a delivery man holding a large box. "Delivery for Gerard Iero" he says, mispronouncing my last name but I don't bother correcting him, signing for the package before taking it and once I get the box up to my room I sit it on the floor, kneeling beside it and looking at the address label but there's no return address so I can't tell who it's from but I know who I wish it was from. I open it to find black tissue paper covering whatever is in the box with a single long stem white rose laying on top which is a little discoloured but still beautiful and I can't help the smile that spreads across my face as I discover exactly who the package is from. I pick up the rose, sitting it aside before turning back to the box and removing the tissue paper to reveal new art supplies, a few tshirts and a cd in a clear case which has 'I'm sorry I've been so stupid' written on it in Franks adorable scratchy writing. I sit the cd aside next to the rose as I pick up the shirts, two of them being Franks favourites and I bury my face in the fabric, inhaling his scent and my eyes well with tears as my head spins, my whole body suddenly feeling alive again with the smell and the third shirt makes me smile, it's black with Franks band name and logo across the top with a sketch I made ages ago printed on it and I realise I'm holding the first piece of merch for their band ever and that it bares my artwork. I sit the shirts aside before sifting through the various pencils and markers that Frank included in the package, digging out a new sketch book from the bottom of the box and once it's empty I pick up the cd and cross the room to my desk, starting up my laptop and putting it in, seeing there's only one song on the disk so I press play and immediately the room is filled with music which sounds kind of familiar but I can't pick where I have heard it before until Franks voice rings out clear, filled with so much passion and emotion and I realise he's covered one of my favourite songs for me and it's rather fitting right now and I can't help but smile through my tears. "See the stone set in your eyes See the thorn twist in your side I wait for you Sleight of hand and twist of fate On a bed of nails he makes me wait And I wait, without you With or without you With or without you Through the storm we reach the shore You give it all but I want more And I'm waiting for you With or without you With or without you I can't live With or without you And you give yourself away And you give yourself away And you give And you give And you give yourself away My hands are tied My body bruised, he's got me with Nothing left to win And nothing else to lose With or without you With or without you I can't live With or without you"

Notes

Shout out to U2 for the song. Hope you guys are still enjoying the story