You Can Cry All You Want To, I Don't Care

Once Ian leaves for work I start getting ready to leave for classes when my phone rings and I answer it after seeing it's Mikey. We talk for a while, Mikey telling me about being home with dad again and how he's thinking about getting a job instead of going back to school and when he asks me about how things are going with Frank I break, sobbing into the phone as I tell him about everything. "Oh Gee, come home for a while, I miss having you around." We talk for a while longer and by the time we hang up I have decided I'm going. I go into the bedroom and grab a bag, packing it full of clothes before grabbing another one and packing it with art supplies before I write a note to Frank and Ian, telling them I'm going home and I'm not sure when I'll be back before picking my bags up and leaving the apartment, heading for the train station.

By the time I get off the train I am exhausted and ready to sleep for days but I force a smile onto my face for dad and Mikey who both rush towards me, wrapping me in a giant three way hug before taking a bag each and we make our way to dad's car. When we get back to the house I take my bags up to my room and it's exactly the way I left it when I left for art school, the walls covered in random sketches of Frank mixed amongst very dark depressing images that I felt compelled to draw after dreaming of them night after night. As I look around I realise I am standing in the middle of my break up with Frank and I feel my heart throb as I realise that as bad as it looks I can't help but feel like it's fitting that I'm back here right now in this setting. I sit down on the bed, looking down at my hand, playing with my rings as I contemplate taking them off when my phone rings and I dig it out of my pocket, seeing Ian's name on the screen before I hit answer and bring it to my ear. "Hey" I say softly and Ian says "Hey I just got your note, what the hell? Where are you?" "I'm back home, in Jersey. I just felt like maybe it was best for everyone, including you if I just left for a while. Frank clearly doesn't want me there anymore and I don't want to keep making things awkward for you." "Fuck me Gee, don't even worry about me. Frank found your note and he's locked himself in his room and won't come out, I'm worried about him." "He'll be ok, he's probably planning a party." "Don't be stupid Gee. When are you coming back?" "I don't know, I didn't book a return ticket. Ian I'm really glad you're my friend and I care for you a lot and I'm gonna miss you but for now, I can't be there. My marriage is crumbling and I need some time away. Actually honestly I don't know if I'll ever come back, I'd have nothing to come back to." "I'm sorry Gee. I know you need space but I'll miss you." "Look Ian I have to go now but I'll call you ok?" "Make sure you do. Take care of yourself Gee, I hope things work out for you." "Thanks Ian" I say before hanging up and I toss my phone on the bedside table before laying back on the bed and closing my eyes, letting out a deep breath as I feel my heart throb painfully again.

Notes