You Can Cry All You Want To, I Don't Care

Frank and I sit in silence for what feels like hours but can only be a few seconds, just staring at each other before Frank says "Are you ok?" I shrug, unsure of what to say and we fall back into silence again. This time it stretches on longer before Frank says "I'm sorry I grabbed you like that, did I hurt you?" I shake my head as I softly say "I'm ok." "Is there anything happening between you and Bert?" "No, nothing and there never was." "But you know how he feels about you?" "I know how he used to feel, I don't know if he still does." "He's in love with you, it's not hard to see, which is why it kills me that you play into his flirting with you." "I'm not playing into anything, he's my friend, I've hugged Ian before too." "That's different." "How? How is it any different aside from the fact that you don't like Bert but Ian is your friend." "Because I know Ian doesn't want to fuck you." "So you think I'll fuck Bert? You don't trust me?" "No I...." "Maybe I should go fuck Bert, then you'll have a reason to be acting like this. Maybe I'll bring him back here and fuck him in our bed infront of you so you can see how fucking much it hurts to have that done to....." I snap but I'm cut off by Franks hand colliding with my cheek, the slap stinging my skin and sending a sharp noise ringing out in the room. "Shut the fuck up Gerard, don't you dare ever do that or talk about it ever again. I fucked up in the past but I'm sorry and I won't ever do it again." I stare at Frank in shock, my hand coming up to clutch at my stinging cheek and jaw and I feel my eyes welling with tears and as the first one falls Franks angry expression cracks and he slowly reaches out for me as he says "Fuck, baby I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.....this isn't how I wanted this to go. I'm so...." But I don't want to hear what he has to say, getting up from the bed and running from the room, locking myself in the bathroom.

I sit on the bathroom floor clutching my cheek for a while before there's a soft knock at the door and Ian's voice says "Gee, are you alright?" I remain silent, my bottom lip quivering and my eyes sting with the threat of more tears. Things go silent again after that and two hours later I am curled up on the floor, my tears having run dry for now and I feel empty, having nothing left inside, the look on Franks face and the slap replaying in my mind over and over and just as I feel exhausted enough to let my eyes slip closed and sleep is playing in the edge of my mind the door knob rattles and suddenly the door opens and Frank comes in having picked the lock. I'm too tired and empty to argue with him or fight him off and he walks over and scoops me into his arms, carrying me to the bedroom and laying on the bed with me, spooning up behind me and holding me to his chest as he presses soft kisses into the back of my hair and neck, whispering "I'm sorry" and "I love you" over and over again until I fall asleep.

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