You Can Cry All You Want To, I Don't Care

After I redress we go out into the kitchen and I sit at the table while Frank looks through the fridge for something for us to eat but a few seconds later he comes over to me and says "You want takeout? There's not much here." "Whatever you want Frankie" I tell him, leaning forward to rest my head on the table and Frank drops down to his knees beside me as he says "Babe what's wrong?" "Don't feel good" I mumble as I let my eyes slip closed and Frank frowns as he reaches out and rests his hand on my forehead. "Don't feel good how baby? Tell me what's wrong." "I just feel funny and I'm cold and tired and.....I dunno just don't feel good." "Oh my love, how about I order us in some food and we go back to bed?" I half heartedly nod, my eyes starting to feel heavy but my mind is racing and I know that I probably won't be able to fall asleep. "Come on my love, you go hop into bed and I'll be right in to snuggle, and we can put on a movie and just relax" Frank says softly as he stands up and gently grabs my arm, helping me up and I slowly nod before leaving the room and when I reach the bedroom I collapse onto the bed, not bothered enough to get under the covers and while I lay there waiting for Frank my thoughts keep racing and I feel on the edge of a panic attack, my breathing becoming unstable and my hands shaking slightly. I roll onto my side and curl up when I spot Franks pack of cigarettes on the table beside the bed and I reach out and grab them, sitting up against the headboard as I light one, hastily puffing away, hoping that this will be the thing to calm me down but all that happens is I start choking, smoking way too fast and I stub the cigarette out and sit it aside as I stumble off the bed and back out of the room in search of water for my burning throat when I run into Bert in the hallway. "Gee you ok?" He asks as he grips my arms and I keep coughing before choking out "Water." "Shit come on" he says as he helps me into the kitchen and both Frank and Ian turn to look at us when we come in and Frank frowns and says "Babe what's...." "Get him some water" Bert says and Frank quickly gets me a cup which I take with shaky hands and scull, some of it dribbling down my chin and onto my shirt.

After my breathing is back under control I tell Frank I'm going back to bed and Bert follows me from the room, heading to Ian's and in the hallway I stop him and ask "Bert I'm freaking out, do you have anything I could....." "Yeah, come with me" he says as he takes my hand and we step into Ian's room and sit on the end of the bed as he says "What do you want? Something to smoke or a pill? I have pot but I also have some ecstasy and a couple Xanax." I shrug before saying "I don't....I just want my mind to stop." "Ok, take a deep breath" he says as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a bag of pills, selecting one and holding it out to me, his fingers hovering infront of my mouth. "Take this" he says softly and I open my mouth, taking the pill in and swallowing it dry and Bert slides the pills back into his pocket before pulling out a small tin and handing me a joint. "You're probably only going to want to smoke half but this will help" he tells me as he grabs his lighter and lights it for me and I take it into my mouth, inhaling deeply and slowly releasing the smoke while Bert wraps his arm around me and I lean in and rest my head on his shoulder. Just as I'm about to take another drag the door opens and Frank and Ian come in and Franks eyes narrow when he sees us. "So much for not feeling well" Frank spits at us and I shrink further into Bert's side and Bert tightens his arm around me and says "He was on the verge of a full blown break down, could you not see that? I'm just helping him out, helping him calm down" and Frank sighs before coming over to kneel at my feet. "Babe" he says softly, his hands resting on my legs and I gaze down into his eyes, the burning joint still in my fingers. "Come on, you can finish that in bed" he says as he stands up and scoops me into his arms, carrying me from the room and Bert calls out "Only half Gee."

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