Blast it to the Back Row

Nightmares were a common occurrence for Frank. They’d really been around since he was a kid, and the environment he’d been living in for the past seven years wasn’t really happening. So it was no surprise when Frank bolted up in his makeshift bed, sweating profusely and gasping for breath. It was about the war, he remembered. Not an uncommon thing for him to dream about.
Frank rolled out of his bed and stood up, walking out of the room. He was hoping, maybe he could sneak a sip or two of water from their stash. They weren’t particularly low at the moment so Ray probably wouldn’t notice.
Frank was in the main room of the diner, where all the booths were, when he heard Mikey’s voice from outside. “Why don’t you just tell him?” Frank stopped walking and looked out the window. Gerard and Mikey were sitting on the hood on the Trans Am, with their backs to the diner. Frank could just barely see Gerard’s bright hair over the roof of the car.
“You know why I can’t do that” Frank raised an eyebrow in curiosity and found himself creeping toward the front door of the diner. He wasn’t really one to eavesdrop but he had a really weird feeling about this. His head was practically outside the diner when he heard Gerard yell out at Mikey along with him coughing. Frank smiled knowing Mikey had done something to fuck with his older brother.
“You know you could” Frank heard Mikey saying. “You know Jet and I would support you” Frank blinked in confusion. Mikey had said only him and Ray. Gerard was a pretty good leader Frank supported him in most of his decisions. Whatever this was would have to be batshit insane for Frank to not be okay with it.
“Its not about that and you know it. He’d hate me… then it’d be awkward as fuck” And it was right then that Frank realized that they weren’t talking about one of Gerard’s crazy plans; they were talking about him. What the fuck? Frank pulled himself back into the building and leaned against the wall next to the door, rubbing furiously at his eyes.
“You’re a fucking idiot, you know that right?” Mikey was saying and Frank held his breath so he was sure he could hear what was going to come next. “He’d never hate you. He fuckin’ adores you man” “As a friend” Gerard argued so quietly Frank almost missed it.
But that was all Frank needed to hear before he was running back to his room and huddling into his makeshift bed. He didn’t get any more sleep that night. His mind was reeling with all the wild explanations for what exactly Gerard and Mikey were talking about. And although the thought that maybe, just Gerard might actually like him back kept coming to the forefront of his mind, Frank kept pushing back down. He knew he was just getting his hopes up. Or at least that’s what he tried to tell himself.
Truthfully the more he thought about it the more it made sense. Why else would Gerard be concerned with whether Frank viewed him as a friend or something else. And if Gerard were keeping a secret like that, it would only make sense that he would tell Mikey. The two were closer than any brothers Frank had ever seen before.
Frank jumped in surprise when he heard footsteps outside his room. He almost grabbed his gun from his holster before he noticed a faint light seeping through the cracks in the boards over the window and he realized that it was dawn. Frank grabbed his shirt from the pile next to his bed and pulled it on all while standing up and going to see who was outside his room. He immediately ran into Ray. Literally.
“Hey Ghoul.” Ray said through a yawn. “You’re up early” Frank took a quick step back to like get out of Ray’s space. “More like I never got to sleep” he chuckled and shrugged. “Where’s Missile?” “Still sleeping” Ray answered as he started walking out to the main area of the diner. Frank followed him since his only other option would have been to go back to his room and drive himself crazy over this thing with Gerard.
The two sat in one of the booths. Gerard and Mikey were doing a final sweep of the surrounding area before they came back in. Ray must have noticed that Frank was totally staring at the door waiting for them to come back. “Ghoul, you okay? You seem off”
Frank looked back at Ray and bit his lip. He contemplated telling the older Killjoy about his problem. He was completely clueless about how to deal with this and now that he thought about it some help with this sounded great and he very well couldn’t go to Gerard, and Mikey didn’t seem like a good idea either. In fact Ray was the most logical person Frank knew and usually when Gerard wasn’t available Frank would go to Ray with his problems. It only seemed right.
“Well…” Frank said kind of lowering his voice a little even though he was pretty sure no one else would hear him “I kinda overheard Poison and Kobra talking last night… and from the way they were talking it almost seemed like Poison… that he likes me, like in the romantic way, and I don’t know what to do because I like him and-” Frank trailed off as he looked up at Ray who seemed like he was trying to suppress a smile. “What?” “It’s about god damn time one of you noticed!” Ray exclaimed leaning back in the booth showing off a toothy grin. Frank cocked his head to the side in confusion, because, honestly what the fuck was Ray going on about? “Ghoul it’s so fucking obvious you two have the hots for each other. Kobra and I are surprised you guys haven’t figured it out yet”
What the hell? No way! Frank was not that obvious. Gerard was a smart guy, he would have figured it out if he was. Ray chuckled at the puzzled look on Frank’s face. “Come on!” he said “The way the two of you are literally always staring at each other, and how you and him almost always make it a point to go together on missions. Fuck, Kobra and I are betting on who’s gonna come out to the other first” Frank gave Ray a look that clearly said you’re an asshole before shaking his head. “Whatever.” he mumbled “It’s totally obvious, okay, what am I supposed to do about it?” Ray shrugged. “I think you should tell him” Frank squinted his eyes at the older killjoy. “You’re betting on me, aren’t you?” “Yes” Ray answered.
Frank would have answered, probably with a snaky remark on how there was virtually nothing for him and Mikey to bet on, except Mikey and Gerard walked through the door so Frank shut his mouth instead, looking away from the two of them to his hands. Sudden fear going through his head, what if he was wrong, what if Ray was just fucking with him? So many what ifs.
Frank stayed mostly quiet as the others talked to each other before Gerard and Mikey went off to bed. “What the fuck was that?” Ray hissed as they walked to the back storage rooms. Frank shrugged. “I’m fucking scared Jet. What if we’re wrong. What if I talk to him and he turns me down?” Ray sighed and reached across the booth to put a hand on Frank’s shoulder. “I’m absolutely positive he likes you back Ghoul. Trust me, Kobra’s mentioned it enough times and we both know he’d be the first person Party would tell.” Frank nodded because, again, that part made perfect sense. “I… I just don’t know what to do?” Frank whispered, his voice cracking a little at the end. Ray gave him on of his famous “calming Ray smiles” and got up to go about his business of the day. “Just talk to him, it’ll be fine.”
“Just talk to him” Easier said than done. Frank ended up avoiding Gerard’s eye all day. He knew Ray was right and he should just talk to their leader but he couldn’t. It was never the right time and Frank just didn’t know what to say.
And to top it all off something seemed wrong with Gerard. Like he was upset or something; it seemed to get worse each time he saw the red headed man throughout the day. Guilt set in eventually because Frank felt like it was because of him.
It wasn’t until a little after dinner, when Gerard had already retired to his and Frank’s room and Ray was taking Grace to their room to put her to bed, and Frank was alone with Mikey in the front area that he acknowledged it.
“So, uh, have you noticed Poison’s been acting kind of weird today?” Frank asked rather suddenly, surprising even himself. He figured, though, maybe Gerard had told Mikey what was wrong. Mikey gave Frank a look that pretty much translated to how stupid do you think I am? before shaking his head. “He didn’t tell me why” Mikey said ruining Frank’s only hope that he wasn’t the one causing Gerard’s unease. “You were asking because?” Looks like that wasn’t the only thing Mikey noticed today. Frank shrugged looking down at his shoes. “Just concerned”
He was contemplating telling Mikey that he’d overheard the two brothers talking the night before but luckily Ray came out from the backrooms and wished Mikey goodnight before heading outside to keep watch for the night, and Frank hastily did the same.
The two made it about an hour before the subject of Gerard came up. Frank sighed as Ray asked him when he was going to talk to the red headed man. It kind of pissed him off that Ray kept bugging him about this, especially since it was because of a stupid bet. He voiced this to Ray who sighed and shook his head. “It’s not about the bet” he said quietly causing Frank to look over at him in curiosity. The two were sitting on the hood of the Trans Am much like Mikey and Gerard were the night before.
“Okay think about it” Ray said “You never talk to Party and he never talks to you. One day something bad happens, we get attacked or something and Party dies. How shitty will you feel?” Frank would feel pretty bad. He’d never get to tell Gerard how he felt. Would never get to kiss him or cuddle with him like they used to way back before the bombs, or tell him how much he loves him. So many things he wouldn’t be able to do because he was to much of a wimp to tell Gerard that he liked him.
And suddenly Frank understood what Ray was getting at. “Oh” was all Frank could say as Ray pushed some of his curly hair out of his face and gave the younger killjoy a small sad smile. “I just don’t want you to lose him before you can have him” Frank nodded and looked down at his boots.
He was going to talk to Gerard, he decided. He had to at this point. The only thing he felt was stopping him was that he didn’t know when or how to do it. He told Ray this as he pulled his knees up to his chest. “He has watch tomorrow” Ray offered. “You could switch with Kobra. That way you’ll be alone with him” Frank nodded again. “And then I just talk?” “Yeah”
Frank slept for the better part of the next day. When he awoke in the afternoon, we was nothing but a bundle of nerves.
Gerard seemed worse and Frank pretty much avoided him as much as he could. Mikey kept sending Frank little glares every time they looked at each other which only confirmed to him that it was his fault Gerard seemed upset.
Every time Frank managed to catch Ray alone, he made the older killjoy force him to stick to the plan as Frank was getting increasingly nervous as the day wore on. The night could improve or ruin his entire life and that scared the shit out of him.
By the time dinner rolled around, the tension in the dinner was so thick that even Grace noticed it and opted to sit a little away from the group. Frank was so nervous that he had to stop himself constantly from chewing on his hair.
He looked up from his Power Pup as the door to the diner flung open and Gerard walked out. Frank peeked out the blinds covering the window and saw him sit on the hood of the car. He looked at Ray, slightly panicked and Ray just motioned to Mikey who was sitting across from him and Ray in the booth looking slightly confused.
Frank cleared his throat. “Uh… hey Kobra, I was wondering… if we could trade shifts tonight?” Mikey gave Frank a considering glace then stared at the window for a minute before turning back to Frank. He could tell that Mikey knew what he was going to do. “Don’t hurt my brother” was all the blond haired killjoy said before standing abruptly from the booth and taking his food to the room that he shared with Ray and Grace.
Ray moved out of the booth to let Frank out. The younger killjoy swallowed the lump in his throat before moving himself out of the booth and standing next to Ray who pat Frank on the back. “You got this Ghoul” he said before giving Frank a small push toward the door.
The air was already starting to cool down when Frank got outside. He walked as slowly as he could to the car and sat next to Gerard on the hood. Gerard hadn’t looked up since Frank had gotten outside so Frank wasn’t even sure if he knew was him. Neither of them said anything as Frank tried to gather his thoughts.
“Party, we need to talk” Gerard’s head shot up in surprise. “G-Ghoul?”
Frank gave Gerard a small smile before looking down at his lap. His mind instantly went blank; he didn’t even know where to start. He took a deep breath and looked up at Gerard who was still staring at him in amazement.
“I… um… I heard you and Kobra talking the other night” If possible Gerard’s eyes widened even more. Frank could see the shock and fear in his hazel eyes and it was then Frank knew for sure it was all true. Gerard really did like him.
“Ghoul, I didn’t… You weren’t even…. I can’t…. Fuck, I’m sorry” Gerard looked away from Frank. His voice had been steadily increasing in pitch and Frank swore he was about to cry. Despite this, he scooted a little closer to the older man and sighed. “Look, I don’t know if you remember this” Frank started “But about a year ago, we had watch together, I think Kobra was sick or something, but I was doing a sweep and I found a group of dracs sneaking in the back. I tried to take them on my own, but they over powered me and I thought I was a goner. But suddenly you were there, ghosting all of them before they knew what hit them.” Frank took another breath. “It was then, as you were pulling me off the ground, that I realized that I… that I love you”
Gerard looked up and opened his mouth to say something, before slouching in on himself and looking at his boots. “No,” he mumbled “No. You’re just saying that. You don’t mean it.” Frank frowned and turned his body toward Gerard. “Wait, no… Fuck, Poison… Hey” He placed a comforting hand on the older man’s thigh, near his knee. “Gee, please look at me” he whispered
The red haired man looked up hesitantly. There were tears in his eyes. “I mean it” Frank told him, his voice sincere. “I mean every word I’m telling you right now, okay? Gerard, you’re smart and beautiful, and talented, and so brave and strong, and fuck I wouldn’t even be able to do half of the shit you do. I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d rather be stuck out here, fighting for my life with. I fucking love you okay?”
Gerard didn’t answer. Gerard kissed Frank. He was definitely surprised, but not surprised enough to kiss Gerard back. Frank pressed back against the older man, placing his hand’s on Gerard’s shoulders to steady himself. They eventually broke apart but only long enough to take in a breath of air, before Frank was leaning in to kiss Gerard again, because fuck, this was awesome. Like yeah, Gerard was a great kisser, but the fact that they were finally doing this was the best thing that had happened to Frank in a really long time.
By the time the two of them had finished kissing, like actually finished, Gerard had his head rested on Frank’s shoulder and Frank has his arm around Gerard’s waist. “I’ve wanted to do that, pretty much since we met” Gerard whisper making Frank smile and lean over to kiss the red headed man of the forehead.
The two were silent for a while, staring out at the horizon in front of them. “Ghoul, how are going to do this?” Gerard asked finally, motioning to the two of them with his hands, trying to indicate their relationship, or whatever this was going to be. Frank pursed his lips and tightened his grip on Gerard. “I’m not sure yet” he said. “But we’ll figure it out”
When Frank and Gerard walked into the diner the next morning after doing a final sweep, Ray was already there, as was Mikey which was kind of surprising because Mikey was never up this early unless he had to be. Both of them turned face Gerard and Frank and after catching sight of their linked hands, Ray’s face split into a huge grin, while Mikey gave them a half smile, but Frank could tell he was happy.
“You guys finally did it!” Ray exclaimed kind of rushing forward to greet them and yeah Frank was glad Ray was excited for them, but he didn’t really want to deal with this right now. He wanted to sleep, preferably after pushing together what Gerard and him had for beds so they could be closer together.
So Frank waved Ray off, telling him that he’d tell the curly haired man about it when they woke up later, before letting Mikey give Gerard a quick hug and scooting the two of them off to their bedroom. The last thing he heard before pulling their door shut was Ray’s voice saying “Okay, I won this one Kobra, give me the fucking magazine”

Notes

Okay first, let me just say, I'm sorry this was so late. My internet went out and I couldn't upload it.
Second, holy shite guys. I fucking met Frank the other night. Again. (I don't think I ever mentioned that first time hmmm, it was a few days after the first chapter was posted) But it was amazing. He was so nice and oh my goddddddddd. I also got to say hi to the other members of the cellabration (except Evan bc I never got a chance to) and Annie Girl and The Flight and like I waited for Laura outside the Against Me! bus but she hadn't come out by 2 am and I had a two an a half hour drive back and my dad had work the next morning so I sadly didn't get to meet her but she like smiled at me on stage so that's cool.
Anyway I'm not going to rant about my other fics and my plans with them for the rest of the summer I'll just do that when I eventually finish on of the chapters on those.
So um yeah I hope you guys enjoy the chapter. I think it's like the longest thing I've ever written in one go. So Yeah.... yeaaaahhhh

Song Of The Moment: Dead Friend- Against Me! (as it has been for the past 2 hours holy fuck)

Xo Kerry oX