In the end it didn’t matter. The fighting and the hitting and the cheating and the yelling and the forgiving and the kissing and the loving and the laughing and the crying and the smiling and the joking – it was all the same now. Now that he was gone.

“Frank, how could you do this to me?” Gerard screamed, enraged and betrayed.

“I swear I’m sorry, Gee! You gotta believe me!” Frank defended himself against his own actions; he knew what he had done.

“Frank, sometimes sorry just doesn’t fix things, especially not things like this.” Gerard sighed calmly, knowing that belting out cries of fierce despair would do nothing to help his situation.

“I know, Gee,” Frank said, inwardly wishing that he could go back in time and make sure he never did something so hormonally irresponsibly. “I just wish I hadn’t done it in the first place. I didn’t think. I – I just wanted to feel better about everything.” As Frank finished his final plea for forgiveness, he felt saltwater droplets that had gone previously unnoticed trail down his cheeks. He turned his head from his lover and wiped them away, ashamed of the wetness as much as its cause.

Gerard’s heart softened at the sight of his boyfriend, vulnerable and broken before him, obviously remorseful for the unspeakable crime he had committed – Gerard couldn’t even admit it to himself. He decided to forgive his Frank for everything that had happened these past few weeks, for Gerard knew that the events were just as much his fault as they were Frank’s; they shared equally in the pain their relationship was enduring on this Saturday night. The older of the two closed the sizable gap between him and his dearest companion and encircled the teary-eyed guitarist in the warmest hug either had ever experienced.

“I – I love yo – you so much, Ge – Gerard. Puh – please forgive me for this.” Frank begged through his tight throat and incontrollable sobs.

“Shhh, darling. I know. It’s not your fault, I led you to it all. I love you too, Frankie. So much.” Gerard spoke the words softly, intending for only his beloved to receive them instead of the neighbors who had heard ever other facet of their argument. Frank looked up at the man who had saved him in every way a person could be saved and sniffled in an attempt to clear his tears. Gerard leaned down to meet his shorter half’s lips carefully. The lips’ embrace lasted only moments, but it signaled the end of all the trouble that had been caused the past three weeks; it simply was forgiven. No more questions asked, for there were no more answers needed further than the love the two held for each other.

A bittersweet smirk spread itself across Gerard’s face as the memory presented itself in his mind. It was such a fresh event; Gerard could still smell Frank on his shirt, but the scent wouldn’t matter soon.

“The grass smells so wonderful when it’s cut,” Frank mused as he lay on his back in the middle of Flannigan’s Park. Gerard remained standing, beaming at his younger boyfriend adoringly. The kid was simply the epitome of innocence, and that fact made Gerard’s heart swell to ten times its normal size.

“Gee! Come and lay with me! The sun feels best on your face,” Frank commanded the stubborn man who stood above him aloofly.

“That so?” Gerard challenged sarcastically as he made his way down to his lover. Gerard noticed that the sun’s light brought flecks of gold out in Frank’s patronizing hazel-green eyes and glinted stunningly off of his lip ring that was taut as the relaxed boy smiled giddily at Gerard’s compliance. Frank nodded quickly, affirming his conviction.

Gerard had always loved Frank’s smile, the one that had the ability to make even the staunchest individual’s mood brighten exponentially, the one that’s constant presence was complimented intensely by a silver lip ring that hung casually on its left side, the one that would be tortured by a row of teeth if Frank was nervous or upset or even angry on occasion. Gerard had always hated when his dear Frankie was anything but happy, but Gerard’s concern didn’t matter anymore.

“Gerard -” Frank gasped as he fell to the ground, consumed by desperate sobs, retching with each painful thought that ran through his already tormented psyche. Gerard ran to his love with a sense of unparalleled urgency.

“Frankie, sugar what’s wrong?” Gerard was frantically seeking an answer to Frank’s immense anguish.

“I – I don’t know. I just fuh – feel like there’s this – this huge hole in – in my chest, Gee. Oh god, it hurts so badly. Gee, fix it. Gee! Fix me.”

“Oh, darling,” Gerard moaned in pain at Frank’s emotional turmoil. The pain prompted Gerard to wrap his arms around his troubled soul mate and pull the younger into his chest. “I will. I’ll make the pain go away if it’s the last thing I do. Frankie, I love you. I always have and I always will. I will fix you, I promise.”

There were tears in Gerard’s eyes as that memory flashed before him, crashing against his best defenses and tearing down the wall that he had put up that morning. He couldn’t reign the drops in as they tumbled over his eyelids like fingers over guitar strings. Once they were there, they wouldn’t be tamed. Gerard stood in front of the closed rectangular box, hating himself for allowing his tears to fall on its black, polished wooden surface, contaminating its perfection as Gerard had inevitably tainted Frank’s perfection. Gerard knew that he hadn’t succeeded in fixing his Frank. He hadn’t succeeded in doing anything but getting the kid killed, and he hated himself for it. Gerard hated himself for not going to the market in Frank’s place. He hated himself for not even going with Frank. He hated himself for not being with his other half as he took his last breath. Gerard didn’t even know how exactly the car had hit the small man. He couldn’t fathom that it had happened at all; that he didn’t prevent it from happening.

All Gerard had left now was a handful of memories; memories of the fighting and the hitting and the cheating and the yelling and the forgiving and the kissing and the loving and the laughing and the crying and the smiling and the joking. He would never again have the physicality. He would never again have the opportunity to express his love for Frank again, and it virtually slaughtered him knowing that the bad memories that would forever haunt him, never really mattered. It was the good times that mattered the most, the good times that didn’t happen as often as they should have.

Gerard trudged home, leaving his car in the church’s parking lot because it smelled too much like Frank for his liking. As he approached the one bedroom apartment’s door, a horrendous thought dawned on him. Gerard ransacked the small living space, shattering everything that was his and incinerating everything that was Frank’s. He hesitated as he got to Frank’s guitar, remembering that it was Frank’s most prized possession; Gerard used to tease Frank by accusing him of loving the guitar more than him. Gerard shook his head, wagging that thought out of his mind, and snapped the guitar’s neck in two before smashing the head on the wall with a scream that resembled an angry war cry. Finally the flames had taken to the ground, and Gerard admired his work by lighting a cigarette and sitting in the middle of the flames humming “The Ring of Fire” ironically to himself because it didn’t matter in the end. Nothing did.