You're Not In This Alone

Once the door is locked I slowly cross the room to stand infront of the mirror. I take in my appearance, turning sideways and then back again before lifting my shirt and doing the same, a few tears rolling down my cheeks as my stomach isn't as flat as I want it to be, my thighs look fat and wobbly and my boobs aren't as big as Liz's. She's right, I'm nothing compared to her and I don't know why Ryan is settling for me. I decide to atleast do something about my stomach and thighs and plan to diet and exercise hard until I'm skinny. After a few minutes of being in here Ryan knocks softly on the door and says "Babe you ok in there?" And I hear Liz yell out "Maybe she's slitting her wrists, she looks pretty emo." I feel my stomach churn and suddenly that doesn't seem like such a bad idea and I go to open the cabinet in search of something sharp when he knocks again, startling me. "Baby please come out, or atleast talk to me." I take a deep breath and close the cabinet again, wiping my face dry on the back of my hands as I cross the room and unlock the door, opening it and walking straight out into Ryan's arms. "Are you alright?" He asks as he crushes me to his chest. "Fine" I tell him, pulling away from his arms. "I'm kinda tired" I tell him and he says "Ok come on babe" taking my hand and leading me to his room. Once we get there he says "I'll go get you some water" before leaving the room and I nod, using the time alone to change into pyjama pants and a tshirt and climb into bed. When he comes back he sits the bottle on the bedside table and says "Baby Bren asked me to watch a movie and...." "Go, I'm capable of sleeping by myself" I tell him and he leans in and presses a soft kiss to my forehead. "I don't have to..." "Really, it's fine" I tell him and he leans further down and kisses my lips. "Goodnight baby, I love you." "Goodnight" I reply and he pulls the blanket over me as I curl up on my side and close my eyes, turning the light off on his way out the door.

I wake up in the middle of the night to strange noises and when I roll over Ryan's not in bed with me. I glance at the clock on the table and see it's 3.30 and I rub my eyes and get up, deciding to use the bathroom and see where Ryan is before going back to sleep. When I walk out into the hallway I am hit with the stench of stale pot smoke and I screw my nose up as I keep going, walking towards the living room while I run my hand through my sleep messed hair. When I reach the doorway the lights are off, the only light in the room coming from the tv which is playing some horror movie and I take a step into the room and hear a soft female moan followed by a low male grunt and I almost turn back, embarrassed that I may have walked in on Brendon and Sarah but I realise if it's them, then where's Ryan? I take another step in and can now see over the back of the couch. Both Brendon and Ryan are slumped down on the couch and Liz is kneeling between Brendon's open legs, his pants are open and his dick is pulled out, sliding in and out of Liz's mouth and her hand keeps sliding over to palm at Ryan's crotch which has a very obvious bulge and after a few seconds he hits it away and she continues doing it, like they're playing some kind of sick game. I feel my stomach churn violently and I turn and run, taking off down the hallway and into the bathroom where I drop to my knees infront of the toilet and vomit. After my second heave a warm hand touches my back before sliding up and grabbing my hair, pulling it back out of the way and I squirm around and whimper out "Don't touch me." He doesn't listen and I'm too weak and upset and tired to really fight it so I slump down and let him hold my hair and stroke my back while I vomit again. Once I'm done he helps me stand up and flushes the toilet for me before helping me to the sink and turns the tap on so I can rinse my mouth out before scooping me into his arms and carrying me back to his bed, crawling in beside me and pulling me into his chest. "No" I mumble out, half asleep again already. "You stink like pot, no" I tell him and he chuckles and says "Ok, I'll shower, hang on baby I'll be right back" but I'm
asleep again before he comes back. The next morning when I wake up I'm wrapped in his arms as he softly snores into the back of my neck and as I go to slide away from him his arms
tighten around me and he mumbles out "Not so fast, I'm not done cuddling yet." I roll over to face him and his eyes are open now and I say "What the fuck was that last night?" "What baby?" "Are you really gonna make me say it? I saw Ryan, does Sarah know?" His eyes widen and he looks scared as he says "You saw?" "Yeah I saw her on her knees like the fucking whore she is and I saw her touching you." "Baby nothing happened, I kept pushing her away and..." "Why would you even stay out there?" "I....I dunno." "Does Sarah know?" "Uh, no I don't think so and it's not our place to tell." I stare at him in disbelief before shoving him away from me and climbing out of the bed. "You're a fucking asshole. Why would you keep that secret? Does he do this a lot?" The look on Ryan's face tells me everything I need to know. "That's really fucked up Ry. How would you feel if this was us and it was me cheating and someone you knew found out and still didn't tell you and I just kept doing it?" "Id be devastated." "Exactly, how could you think Sarah would be any different? She deserves to know." "Ruby, baby I know but it's not our place to say anything. I'll talk to Bren, get him to confess." I shake my head at his words, knowing Brendon would never tell unless he wanted to break up.

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