You're Not In This Alone

The night before they're going to wake up pa I go home with Ryan again, wanting to be strong the next day for pa. I take a long hot shower before dressing in pyjama pants and one of Ryan's tshirts before joining him in his bed. "Feeling better babe?" He asks and I nod and shoot him a small smile, laying down and stretching out, hearing some of my joints pop as I groan in contentment at the feeling. Ryan's warm hands start rubbing up and down my side before he guides me to roll onto my stomach, his hands sliding up under the bottom of my shirt as he moves over to straddle my legs, his fingers digging into my back as he starts massaging me. "Mmm that feels incredible" I groan out and Ryan climbs off my legs and tugs at the shirt until I kneel up and take it off, laying back on my stomach and letting him climb back on. I feel myself melting into the mattress and my eyes drift closed as his hands work my tired aching muscles and by the time he's done I'm so relaxed I'm almost asleep. I hear Ryan chuckle as he helps me sit back up and put my shirt back on, laying me back down and pulling me back against his chest and by the time he pulls the blanket over us I am asleep. I wake in the middle of the night from a nightmare about Matt, screaming and thrashing around and when I open my eyes and see an unfamiliar room I panic even more, feeling like I can't breathe. "Ruby, Shh rubes it's ok, just take a deep breath. You're safe, you're ok, I won't let anyone hurt you." My breathing slowly returns to a level where I feel like I can get in air and I hear the door open, causing me to squeal and panic again and Ryan's arms wrap around me as he says "Shh it's just Bren, he's not gonna hurt you I promise." I cling to Ryan's shirt as I slowly come down from a full blown panic attack and by the time my heart rate slows down again my eyes drift closed and I fall back to sleep.

The next morning I wake up alone and I drag myself out of bed, dressing before going out to look for Ryan, finding him at the kitchen table with Brendon. "Hey baby" he greets me as I sit beside him and he offers me breakfast but I just shake my head, too nervous about today to eat. "Baby I have something I have to do today so I won't be able to come to the hospital with you, I'm sorry." I feel slightly disappointed but I swallow down the lump in my throat as I say "It's fine, I'm gonna go now." I stand up and grab my stuff, hugging Ryan goodbye before walking towards the door. "Do you want me to atleast walk you there?" He asks and I shake my head, choking out "No, it's fine." Once I get down on the street I head towards the hospital, tears streaming down my face and I feel devastated that I'm doing this without him. When I get to the hospital I go up to pa's room to find it empty, both pa and dad gone, dad's guitar and some other things in the corner the only indication I didn't get the wrong room. I start to panic about where they could be and I drop my bag before stepping back into the hallway and stopping a nurse, asking her where they are. "Come with me sweetheart and I'll check for you" she tells me and we go two doors back down and into the nurses station. She checks in her computer before saying "He was due for a scan twenty minutes ago so he shouldn't be too long before they bring him back up." "Thank you" I tell her and she smiles and gently squeezes my arm. "No problem sweetheart, I hope he gets better soon." I turn and go back the room, sitting in the chair in the corner and five minutes later pa is brought back in, two nurses and a doctor wheeling him in as dad follows behind. "Hey baby girl" he greets me when he sees me and I stand up, crossing the room to him as they put pa back. "We're going to give him the injection now and he should be awake in around thirty minutes to an hour. When he wakes up he may be slightly disoriented so whatever happens it's important you guys remain calm and keep Gerard as calm as you can." We both nod and the doctor gives pa the injection before leaving the room but both nurses stay. Dad and I move to pa's bedside, me taking a seat in dad's lap as I watch him intently. At the first sign of movement we both stand, dad rounding the bed to his other side and we both grab his hands, gently squeezing and after a few minutes he squeezes my hand back. "Dad, he's..." I trail off as pa's eyes open and he blinks a few times, looking around but not really focusing on anything. "Hey gorgeous" dad says softly and pa slowly turns his head to look in his direction. They stare at each other for a few long seconds before pa's mouth pulls up in a small smile and dad lets out a half laugh half sob as he leans in and presses his lips to pa's, giving him a mostly one sided kiss. "I love you so so much my gorgeous" dad murmurs against pa's lips as he starts to cry and when he pulls back pa turns his head to look at me, his face looking slightly confused. I stare back at him, unsure of what he's thinking so I say "I'm so happy to see you awake daddy" as I squeeze his hand and he frowns before opening his mouth and stuttering out "Rrruby?" I frown too as I nod and say "Yeah Pa it's me." His eyes widen as he turns back to dad, looking even more confused. "What's wrong baby?" Dad asks and pa takes a few deep breaths before saying "I don't....nothing." We remain silent after that, one of the nurses going to get the doctor who comes back and asks us to step aside as he performs some tests.

Notes