You're Not In This Alone

We spend the whole day with pa, nurses occasionally coming in and checking his iv and breathing tube and mid afternoon Ryan goes out and gets us lunch, also buying a deck of cards as well as uno cards and we spend the afternoon playing poker and uno, attempting to joke around and have fun. As the afternoon goes on both dad and I get tired again, having not slept a lot recently and with the added emotional stress we are under we are feeling constantly worn out. After a lot of convincing on his part Ryan gets us to lay down together on the spare bed, me cuddled into dad's chest and get a little sleep while he watches over pa for us. I manage to sleep for an hour before I wake up again to find dad still sleeping and I gently slip out from under his arm and cross the room, sitting in Ryan's lap and asking "How is he doing?" "He's doing good baby, the nurse was in here a few minutes ago and his vitals look really good." "Good" I tell him and he wraps his arms around my waist and cuddles me close. "You hungry baby?" He asks and I shake my head, not in the mood to eat. We sit in silence for a few minutes before I say "When dad wakes up will you take me home? There's a few things I want." "Of course baby, do you just want me to go?" "I think I need some air" I tell him and he nods, both of us falling into comfortable silence again. After another few minutes dad wakes up and I go over to him, telling him I'll be back soon and he nods before getting up and taking the seat Ryan just left. I walk over to pa and press a soft kiss to his forehead before grabbing Ryan's hand and leaving the hospital.

Once we get home I grab a bag and pack some of dad's clothes for him before going into pa's art supplies and grabbing his sketch pad, sliding it into the bag too. I also
grab his iPod and the small portable dock for it before leaving their room and going into mine, grabbing my own sketch pad and my case of pencils and markers and erasers. On our way out the door I go into the living room and grab dad's guitar in its case from the corner, knowing pa loves when dad plays for him. I struggle slightly with the big bag and the guitar case and Ryan takes the bag for me, slinging it over his shoulder and taking my hand, heading back to the hospital together. When we get back pa is gone and I immediately panic, sitting the guitar down and rushing across the room to dad. "What's..." I trail off and dad says "Hey it's ok baby he's just having another scan. It's alright I promise." I feel myself calm down and my breathing returns to normal and dad says "Where did you guys get to?" "I thought pa might like some familiar stuff so I went home." "What did you bring baby?" He asks as he pulls me to sit in his lap. "I brought his sketch pad, but that's kinda more for me and his iPod cause I thought he might like to hear his music and I brought your guitar cause he likes that too. And I brought you some clean clothes." His face lights up and he says "Thanks baby, I know I probably smell pretty bad." I nod and he chuckles and pokes me in the side before cuddling me into his chest again. Ryan brings the stuff over and I go through the bag, pulling out pa's sketch book and we flip through it, knowing that this particular book is fine to look through, his other books being private to him. "Wow, he's so talented" Ryan exclaims, seeing a near perfect sketch of me and dad. "Yeah, he's amazing" I tell him and we smile at each other before I turn the page again. After a while Pa is brought back in and another twenty minutes later the doctor comes in and tells us the latest results. "At this stage his brain activity is getting better and the swelling and fluid hasn't returned so we are confident to wake him up in two days time. When he wakes up we are not sure whether they may be any memory loss but due to the damage to his body he will need therapy as he heals to regain his mobility. This can be quite stressful for everyone involved but the most important thing is that you support him as we find patients with a higher level of support and encouragement do progress quicker." We all nod and the doctor says "Do you guys have any questions?" "Can he hear us?" I ask and the doctor says "I believe so, yes." I nod and dad says "If there is memory loss, will it be bad? Is it reparable?" "If there is any kind of loss we have no way of telling until he wakes up. Based on his brain function over the last few scans we don't think there will be any as there is no apparent damage but as I said we have no way to know for sure at this stage. There is therapy that we can offer and I can send the therapist in here to answer your questions if you like." "Thanks, I would like that" dad says and the doctor says "I'll make you a time and let you know." Neither of us have any more questions and the doctor leaves. I stand up and grab the bag, setting up the iPod on the table and starting pa's current playlist, turning the volume up so the music is soft but audible, crossing back to the bed and sitting down, taking pa'a hand in mine and squeezing softly as I say "I love you daddy." After I drop his hand I grab my own sketch book and my case, turning to a new page and putting my pencil to the page, drawing in silence as Ryan sits next to me watching.

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