That night I couldn't sleep properly. It was either switching sides or just counting sheep. I know... dumb huh? It might sound dumber when I'll tell you the reason..... of course, none other than Miss Caméllia Jordan.

God....What the fuck is wrong with me?

I guess.. pretty much everything.

Fuck you.

Nah! Gee that'd be masturbation.

........

So yeah, right now I'm awake at fucking 5:00 am! It's all her fault. All. Her. Fault. I couldn't shove out THAT sight out of my head. Like every time I closed my eyes, it flashed right in front of me. I told you I'd over think this. But I don't get it... why is it bothering me so much now?

I mean yeah, I too used to self harm... it shouldn't appear so disturbing to me now. I'm used to seeing grotesque scars. Maybe... it's a whole different thing, when you see them on somebody else. When I did it, it felt so good. Looking at my scars... used to give me satisfaction. But now that I saw them on her wrist, I hate to admit it but it was quite disturbing.
And the worst part of it all was that it pained me to even look at it.

Now I know how Mikey felt when he saw mine. But it's been a while that I've been sober. Maybe that was another reason. I hadn't seen scars in quite a while, so it might be a possibility that I kinda freaked out seeing them now after such a long time. In fact, Mikey was the one who convinced me to come out of it. And considering my current circumstances with no bullying and all that, I haven't felt the need to self harm.

Honestly, my life was much better now that it had been last year. Now it feels as if moving to LA wasn't really much of a bad idea. But never in my wildest nightmares had I thought that the person, who intentionally or unintentionally, turned me into this new brave Gerard, would be the one who is the most fragile.

And oddly enough, I don't even know.... and I hate to admit it.... but I wanna help her. I wanna know all those consequences that triggered her to do that to herself. Maybe because I don't want anyone else to suffer like I did. Whatever the reason might be. Because I know that unless it gets to the point where you're absolutely helpless and hopeless, you don't turn to the razor as your last resort.

I know I might be making the silliest mistake of my life by intervening, but something inside me tells me that I won't regret it. Just then my little trance was broken by the alarm clock going off. Really? Mum bought another one? God... this is insane. I bet if I wasn't awake now, then this one too would've been taken by the wings of death.

I stretched and yawned slightly before getting out of the bed. You know I could've utilised the extra time for taking a long ass shower. But no. I just had to zone out again.... for like 2 and a half hour?! Ugh. So yep, I once again I had to resolve with a quick shower..... AND I brushed, flushed, stretched and dressed! TA-DA!

As usual, I ruffled my jet black strands a bit before plopping my school back over my shoulders and walked out. As soon as we took our seats at the dining table, mummy handed me and Mikey our coffee. I was especially glad because she gave us cheesecake for breakfast! Well, a great way to start a groggy Thursday morning! Not being sarcastic. And yes, I did whine for an extra piece.

Oh I forgot to mention.... Frank used to pick us up in his car. Before we could step out of the door, he barged in grinning wildly. Yeah, he did that quite often. Sometimes he'd come real early and then yep, have breakfast with us. But surprisingly today, he declined mummy's offer saying he was already full. We said goodbye to mum and slightly waved at her, as we drove off.

---

*At the school*

As soon as the school campus came into view, some 'old memories' returned into my mind. I hope you know what I mean. Ha! It doesn't even matter if you don't. We walked in together and quickly made our way to our lockers. Frank, Mikey, Ray and Bob had lockers closer to each other.... well, they were in the same grade.

Mine wasn't really in the far off corner, but it definitely wasn't closer to theirs. So after grabbing necessary things, I'd usually hang out near their lockers. After numerous pokes and pushes from us, Bob had finally given in to tell us about his date. Before he could begin, I saw Caméllia walk in.

But the weird thing was..... Her face was ghostly pale and her once rosy lips, now appeared chapped and faded. You could tell she was sick or something was wrong because she was walking really slow, often with a lowered head. Something was a bit.... off. She gave Frank and the guys a weak smile when they waved at her.

But continued on her way to her locker. I was shaken from my thoughts when Bob spoke, "Earth to Master Gerard Arthur Way." I blinked a couple of times, before turning into a bright shade of red. Ray furrowed his eyebrows, "what's wrong man? You've been zoning out a lot lately." I gave them a weak apologetic smile, "I'm really sorry... I uh- just didn't get enough sleep last night."

They gave me a suspicious look but nodded anyway.

---

*After fourth class*

Ugh... I'm so fucking tired right now... *sighs* For the last 3 hours or so... I've been trying to get her to talk to me. But like I said, "trying." Because for some unknown god damn reason, the teachers today have suddenly decided to make us do tons of classwork. I decided to complete my work quickly and then talk to her, but every time I tried... the same second, the teacher began the lecture.

And Miss Caméllia, being the geek she is, focused ALL her attention towards the lecture. I don't even know why the fuck am I so hell-bent on getting her to talk to me about it?! I'm so stupid. Really, an idiot.

Now she'll think that I'm desperate.

No darling, she won't.

Whoa!? You're being supportive?

Ha! You silly toad! I meant that she won't, because she already does.

You insipid little moron!

Takes one to know one.

I hate you.

Wow... what a coincidence! I hate you too. See? We have so much in common!

..........

What the fuck? Did I just say to myself "we have so much in common"? I don't know if I'll be sent to art school or not, but I'm sure as hell that I'll be sent to an asylum.

But apart from all that crap, I'm still willing to make her spill the beans. It's art now. I'm sure I'll be able to confront her this time. It's actually my last shot... because we don't have any class together after lunch.

---

*Art class*

I was now seated on my regular seat, organising my art supplies. To be honest, I had been waiting for her to come. I took a glance at the clock and realised that there were still 10 minutes left before class. Well, I always got to art and music classes before time. Oh sorry, I forgot to mention that.... um.. yes, Caméllia did have music with me.

But I hadn't had the chance to hear her sing, nor had she heard me... since Mr. Jackson had been only teaching us about 'what music really is'. And we only have music on Fridays. So that means we only had one class. I know right. I hate that there's only one music class in a week, but there was a bright side- I had art everyday!

Well, Mr. Jackson was really laid back and that man knew his ways with words. The lecture he gave us that day... kinda touched me. I know that sounds cheesy. But- whatever. So, I was even more happy with him because he cut short our detention. Detention...... now that brings back a shit load of memories.

Someone put a hand on my shoulder out of nowhere, and I jumped slightly. I turned to face the person. "Hey, relax! I'm Sara by the way, " beamed a blonde girl. Oh I knew her... uh..yep, I've seen her with Caméllia a couple of times. Might be her friend. Or not. Whatever.

Because she was a complete opposite of her. First- she's a blonde. Then she had a quite visible tan, dressed quite revealingly and uh-huh you guessed it- wore copious amounts of makeup! I don't even know why did Caméllia hung out with girls like her in the first place. She never really seemed to mash in well with any of her 'friends'.

Her "friends". Well, at least that's what people thought. I don't even know, but it looked otherwise to me. Somehow I could just tell that she wasn't as much 'comfy' around them as she claimed. But I could care less then, because like I said before- she was supposed to be my "sempiternal foe". I forced a small uncomfortable smile, "uh hi, I'm-"

but was soon cut off with girlish giggle,"Gerard, I know. I mean who wouldn't?!" I almost choked, and started coughing. She put her fake hands with those fake finger nails on my shoulders. Okay, I know hands can't be fake. But if they were though... bwahahaha!!!!

She spoke, "Are you okay?" I nodded plastering a fake smile. Then she continued, "I was just passing by. The teacher wasn't around, so I thought I'd say 'hi' to you. You're drawings are amazing! How do you make them so perfect?!" Well.... with paintbrushes and paints I guess? I'm not good with taking compliments you know.

I opened my mouth to... maybe thank her but I was cut off soon. I took a quick look around and hopefully, more students had started to fill in. Her shrill voice pierced through the class room, "So I was wondering if you're free after school?" Are you talking serious-fucking-ly?!

Woah! Gee, you're being hit on!... that too, by a girl this time!

Hey, what do you mean 'by a girl this time'?

You know *smiles deviously*

Shut up! And tell me how the fuck to handle this?!

How the fuck would I know?!

Ugh! You're useless.

Well, I'm just you.

Dammit! Think something! Quick!

Why don't you just flat out reject her?

..........actually, that's not a bad idea.

I began with stuttering, "y-you see S-Sara-" She smirked up at me, thinking that there was no way I could say no. But that smirk just unleashed the brave Gerard in me. And I spoke with confidence this time, making sure to make eye contact and put on a smile, "no. I'm not free, I'm actually very busy after school. Sorry."

Mission accomplished! I wiped that smirk right off her plastic face! I feel like a hero right now! Haha! Her face seemed to fall a bit, but she soon composed herself as if trying to show that she wasn't much affected. She muttered, while plastering a fake smile, "some other time then." I didn't reply to that and then she walked out of the class.

I heaved a sigh, which I wasn't even sure I had been holding until now. But that little moment of relief was soon shattered when.... none other than Miss Caméllia Jordan entered. I didn't even know I was frowning when I saw the blank look on her face. She still looked ghostly pale and sick.

She quietly made her way to her seat, without giving anybody a glance. Once she was seated, for a good while she just stared down at her desk. Only moments prior I was being so brave about confronting her, but now that little bit of courage I had managed to muster, was gone.

I was, honestly, afraid of saying anything to her. She wasn't looking like herself. In fact, I could bet she wasn't even herself right now. It was rather a relief, when Mr. Wentz entered.

Notes

I wanna thank you all for reading this and a big shout out to everyone who commented and rated this! thank you for the 1000+ views. I never thought it would get so many...
Much love
Cam xoxo