Counting Down The Days To Go (Frerard)
You Love It
Beep, beep, beep...
The beeping of the heart monitor was slow but sure. I sat next to Gee in the hard hospital chairs, our fingers locked and my head resting on his shoulder. We couldn't actually see Elena, there was a curtain surrounding her bed. The doctor said we wouldn't want to. He said there were tubes inside her chest and respiratory machines surrounding her, that it was heartbreaking to look at. They were sure she had acute respiratory distress syndrome. 1 out of 3 people who develop it die, we were told. If she lives, it's more likely than not that she'll have permanent lung damage. Gerard hadn't spoken a single word since the doctor came out to tell us the diagnosis. The only time he'd spoken since then was when he said he loved me too. I knew this must be hard for him. He never really talked about her that much, but Mikey told me they were very close before last year. She was sent to a nursing home on the suggestion of her son-in-law, Donald. I realized Gee was shaking and squeezing my hand. I turned to him to see he was quietly crying. I scooted closer to him and snaked my arms around him, cooing "I love you" and "It's okay" in his ear. I softly kissed his cheek and I could feel his muscles relax. He sighed and turned to me. His eyes were glossy and bloodshot, but that was expected of someone crying. Our faces were close enough that I could feel his breath on my face. He slowly leaned it, pressing our lips together. I melted into the kiss, my eyes fluttered closed and pushing into him. This was one of our most gentle kisses probably, most of them were messy makeouts of tongues and teeth. He pulled away after a minute and sighed once more. "I'm scared, Frankie," he said in a voice that was barely above a whisper, his voice breaking.
"I know you are, Gee." I gulped. "But it's gonna be okay." He nodded. He leaned forward once more to press our foreheads together.
"I love you, Frank."
"And I love you, Gerard." He smiled weakly as I finished my sentence.
"I'm so tiiiired," he whined.
I glanced over to the clock. "Well, we've been here for 5 hours. I think it's about time we go home, yeah?"
"Y-Yeah."
I stood up, still holding his hand, and he followed me outside. We crawled into the backseat of a hospital taxi and told the driver our address as we buckled ourselves in. I leaned on Gerard's shoulder and closed my eyes, the whirring and bouncing of the car quickly becoming a lullaby as I drifted off to sleep.
I woke up seemingly seconds later, still in the cab, to Gerard shaking me awake. I slowly opened my bleary eyes, squinting at the sudden light coming in through the window from the afternoon sun. I rubbed my eyes (probably smearing my eyeliner) and yawned. The driver huffed and we took the message. Gerard got out first and helped me get out. He paid the driver before intertwining our fingers. We walked up to the door and were about to unlock it when it swung open, Mikey with a tear-stained face standing in the doorway. He stared at Gerard sympathetically. Gee let go of my hand to bring his brother into a tight embrace. It lasted for a few seconds before Mikey turned to me and forced a smile. He let us inside and me and Gee immediately went up to his room. It was only 6, but I could tell he was tired. We collapsed on his bed, our limbs tangling together as we held eachother close and calmed the other with our own breathing. He held me close as I nuzzled my face into his neck. I mindlessly tapped my fingers against his back, and before I knew it I had fallen asleep again.
What's the worse that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long, and goodnight
So long, and goodnight.
I woke up to a voice softly singing, the voice breaking repeatedly. It repeated the same few lines, and eventually strumming of a guitar joined in. Whoever was strumming was obviously not very practiced on the guitar, as the strumming was hesitant and what seemed off key. They stopped singing to let out a quiet sob. My eyes fluttered open, taking a second to adjust to the sudden light. Once it had, I made out a red-headed figure sitting in front of the window, a white guitar in their lap. The slightly holographic stickers spelling the word pansy made me realize it was my guitar. I propped myself onto my elbows and grunted to tell him I was awake. He looked up at me and I could tell he had been crying much more. But the way he began to tremble, I could tell the situation was dire. "Gerard," I started, my voice rough, "what h--"
"3:47 A.M," he replied simply.
"W-What?" Then I realized what he meant. I immediately bolted up from the bed and walked over to hug him. He put the guitar down quickly before returning the hug, gripping the back of my shirt tightly as he cried into the crook of my neck. I stroked his hair, admiring how soft it was. He pulled away after a few minutes and sighed. I cupped his cheeks with my hand and stood on my tip toes to lightly kiss his lips. I felt him smile into the kiss as he ran a hand through my hair and gripped my hip with the other one. He pulled away after a few seconds, his eyes still full of sorrow.
"The funeral is tomorrow. I-I... I know you didn't know her, but will you go?"
"Of course, Gee. Why wouldn't I?" I chuckled. He didn't even have to ask, I would've said yes if it was in the next five minutes. If she was important to him, I wanted to be there. "Why were you playing Pansy?" I asked, trying to make sure my voice didn't have an edge to it.
"I, uh, I'm writing a song for her. I wanted to perform it tomorrow, but I'm not that good."
"I'll play it, if you teach me the notes." He smiled wide and nodded. He laced his fingers with mine and began dragging me back to bed. "Aren't you going to teach me the song?" I asked as he wrapped his arms around me.
"Later," he mumbled, "I've been up since 4."
Once again, I fell asleep to the steady beating of Gerard's heart.
Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend
To leave? And then
We'll meet again
When both our cars collide
We practiced for the hundredth time that night. I was still absolutely in love with Gerard's voice. He sounded different now than he did the night we performed. At that time, he was caught up in the rush. He was still passionate, but in a different way than now. In this moment, his voice was raw, emotional, soulful. He finished the last note and sighed. "Frank, I need to tell you something."
"Yeah?" I asked, trying to seem calm, but my heart was beating out of my chest in panic.
"I wanted to come out to them tomorrow and tell them about you."
I smiled. "Gee, that's great!"
He took my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine. "Well, my family is extremely homophobic."
"Oh."
"I'm still gonna do it. I want them to know about you, because I'm proud of you." He smiled wide, causing the corners of my lips to tug up. "Just know that they might be really rude to you, alright?" I nodded. He brought my hand to his lips and lightly kissed the back of my hand, making me giggle. His smile grew even wider. "You're so cute, you know that?"
"Pssh." I waved a hand away at him.
"You are, Frankie." I could feel heat swirling in my cheeks as I turned back to him. He was dead serious, staring me right in the eyes. He began to kiss up my arm, whispering, "you're so damn beautiful," against my skin between kisses. He reached my shoulder and began to suck, more than likely leaving hickies. I let out a small whimper as the kisses trailed to my neck. He ended the smooch fest with a sloppy kiss against my lips.
"Gerard?"
"Yes, babe?" he replied, smiling, his gaze locked on mine.
"Why me?" He tilted his head in confusion. "Of all the men-- or women, I don't know if you exclusively swing this way- but of all the guys you could have, why me?"
"Let me tell you something. I fell in love with you the second I heard your voice. And seeing your face made it so much better." He kissed my forehead. "You're so... hot, that's part of why I chose you. Another reason is that you make me so happy. You're the first person I've fallen in love with that I wanted to have you, not just your body. I wanted to be able to hug you and cuddle you and call you mine." He rested his forehead against mine and stared into my eyes before continuing. "I don't deserve you. I really don't. But that's why I treat you like my fucking princess."
I didn't realize I was crying until he wiped away a tear that was rolling down my cheek. "Gerard, I-" I stopped to give a breathy laugh. "I never thought someone could love me like that." I smiled. "I was so broken. I thought the second I let someone in, that they would leave. But you stayed. I'm so happy you stayed. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." I grabbed his wrists and returned his gaze. There was not a hint of doubt in his eyes. "Any more reasons?" I asked jokingly.
"Only person to ever dare date me." He leaned forward and kissed me lightly. There was suddenly a chuckle coming from the doorway and our heads whipped around. Standing there was Mikey, pinching the bridge of his nose and laughing to himself.
"When's the wedding?" Mikey managed to ask teasingly. Gerard grabbed a pillow and threw it at Mikey.
"H-How long were y-y-you stand-anding there?" he stuttered.
"For pretty much your whole speech," he replied matter-of-factly. Gerard's face became as bright a red as hair and he hid his face in my neck. Mikey laughed. "You guys are the cutest couple ever. Just pop the question already!" Gerard glared at him, making Mikey hold his hands up in defense as he walked away, still laughing.
"So I'm a princess now?" I asked Gee. He looked up from my neck to kiss me.
"You're my princess," he growled, his eyes now flickering with lust. I began singing the first thing that came to mind, despite how stupid it was.
"You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess, it's a love story, baby just say yes~"
He laughed. "Taylor Swift, really?" He pushed me down on the bed. "Thanks for killing my boner."
"I'm just not feelin' it tonight," I told him honestly. "Sorry babe." He shrugged.
"I'm fine with it, but... Taylor Swift?" he said as he flopped down beside me on the bed.
"Shut up." I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer to me. He smelled like coffee and cigarettes. Like always. "You know you love it."
"You're right. I do."
The beeping of the heart monitor was slow but sure. I sat next to Gee in the hard hospital chairs, our fingers locked and my head resting on his shoulder. We couldn't actually see Elena, there was a curtain surrounding her bed. The doctor said we wouldn't want to. He said there were tubes inside her chest and respiratory machines surrounding her, that it was heartbreaking to look at. They were sure she had acute respiratory distress syndrome. 1 out of 3 people who develop it die, we were told. If she lives, it's more likely than not that she'll have permanent lung damage. Gerard hadn't spoken a single word since the doctor came out to tell us the diagnosis. The only time he'd spoken since then was when he said he loved me too. I knew this must be hard for him. He never really talked about her that much, but Mikey told me they were very close before last year. She was sent to a nursing home on the suggestion of her son-in-law, Donald. I realized Gee was shaking and squeezing my hand. I turned to him to see he was quietly crying. I scooted closer to him and snaked my arms around him, cooing "I love you" and "It's okay" in his ear. I softly kissed his cheek and I could feel his muscles relax. He sighed and turned to me. His eyes were glossy and bloodshot, but that was expected of someone crying. Our faces were close enough that I could feel his breath on my face. He slowly leaned it, pressing our lips together. I melted into the kiss, my eyes fluttered closed and pushing into him. This was one of our most gentle kisses probably, most of them were messy makeouts of tongues and teeth. He pulled away after a minute and sighed once more. "I'm scared, Frankie," he said in a voice that was barely above a whisper, his voice breaking.
"I know you are, Gee." I gulped. "But it's gonna be okay." He nodded. He leaned forward once more to press our foreheads together.
"I love you, Frank."
"And I love you, Gerard." He smiled weakly as I finished my sentence.
"I'm so tiiiired," he whined.
I glanced over to the clock. "Well, we've been here for 5 hours. I think it's about time we go home, yeah?"
"Y-Yeah."
I stood up, still holding his hand, and he followed me outside. We crawled into the backseat of a hospital taxi and told the driver our address as we buckled ourselves in. I leaned on Gerard's shoulder and closed my eyes, the whirring and bouncing of the car quickly becoming a lullaby as I drifted off to sleep.
I woke up seemingly seconds later, still in the cab, to Gerard shaking me awake. I slowly opened my bleary eyes, squinting at the sudden light coming in through the window from the afternoon sun. I rubbed my eyes (probably smearing my eyeliner) and yawned. The driver huffed and we took the message. Gerard got out first and helped me get out. He paid the driver before intertwining our fingers. We walked up to the door and were about to unlock it when it swung open, Mikey with a tear-stained face standing in the doorway. He stared at Gerard sympathetically. Gee let go of my hand to bring his brother into a tight embrace. It lasted for a few seconds before Mikey turned to me and forced a smile. He let us inside and me and Gee immediately went up to his room. It was only 6, but I could tell he was tired. We collapsed on his bed, our limbs tangling together as we held eachother close and calmed the other with our own breathing. He held me close as I nuzzled my face into his neck. I mindlessly tapped my fingers against his back, and before I knew it I had fallen asleep again.
What's the worse that I can say?
Things are better if I stay
So long, and goodnight
So long, and goodnight.
I woke up to a voice softly singing, the voice breaking repeatedly. It repeated the same few lines, and eventually strumming of a guitar joined in. Whoever was strumming was obviously not very practiced on the guitar, as the strumming was hesitant and what seemed off key. They stopped singing to let out a quiet sob. My eyes fluttered open, taking a second to adjust to the sudden light. Once it had, I made out a red-headed figure sitting in front of the window, a white guitar in their lap. The slightly holographic stickers spelling the word pansy made me realize it was my guitar. I propped myself onto my elbows and grunted to tell him I was awake. He looked up at me and I could tell he had been crying much more. But the way he began to tremble, I could tell the situation was dire. "Gerard," I started, my voice rough, "what h--"
"3:47 A.M," he replied simply.
"W-What?" Then I realized what he meant. I immediately bolted up from the bed and walked over to hug him. He put the guitar down quickly before returning the hug, gripping the back of my shirt tightly as he cried into the crook of my neck. I stroked his hair, admiring how soft it was. He pulled away after a few minutes and sighed. I cupped his cheeks with my hand and stood on my tip toes to lightly kiss his lips. I felt him smile into the kiss as he ran a hand through my hair and gripped my hip with the other one. He pulled away after a few seconds, his eyes still full of sorrow.
"The funeral is tomorrow. I-I... I know you didn't know her, but will you go?"
"Of course, Gee. Why wouldn't I?" I chuckled. He didn't even have to ask, I would've said yes if it was in the next five minutes. If she was important to him, I wanted to be there. "Why were you playing Pansy?" I asked, trying to make sure my voice didn't have an edge to it.
"I, uh, I'm writing a song for her. I wanted to perform it tomorrow, but I'm not that good."
"I'll play it, if you teach me the notes." He smiled wide and nodded. He laced his fingers with mine and began dragging me back to bed. "Aren't you going to teach me the song?" I asked as he wrapped his arms around me.
"Later," he mumbled, "I've been up since 4."
Once again, I fell asleep to the steady beating of Gerard's heart.
Can you hear me?
Are you near me?
Can we pretend
To leave? And then
We'll meet again
When both our cars collide
We practiced for the hundredth time that night. I was still absolutely in love with Gerard's voice. He sounded different now than he did the night we performed. At that time, he was caught up in the rush. He was still passionate, but in a different way than now. In this moment, his voice was raw, emotional, soulful. He finished the last note and sighed. "Frank, I need to tell you something."
"Yeah?" I asked, trying to seem calm, but my heart was beating out of my chest in panic.
"I wanted to come out to them tomorrow and tell them about you."
I smiled. "Gee, that's great!"
He took my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine. "Well, my family is extremely homophobic."
"Oh."
"I'm still gonna do it. I want them to know about you, because I'm proud of you." He smiled wide, causing the corners of my lips to tug up. "Just know that they might be really rude to you, alright?" I nodded. He brought my hand to his lips and lightly kissed the back of my hand, making me giggle. His smile grew even wider. "You're so cute, you know that?"
"Pssh." I waved a hand away at him.
"You are, Frankie." I could feel heat swirling in my cheeks as I turned back to him. He was dead serious, staring me right in the eyes. He began to kiss up my arm, whispering, "you're so damn beautiful," against my skin between kisses. He reached my shoulder and began to suck, more than likely leaving hickies. I let out a small whimper as the kisses trailed to my neck. He ended the smooch fest with a sloppy kiss against my lips.
"Gerard?"
"Yes, babe?" he replied, smiling, his gaze locked on mine.
"Why me?" He tilted his head in confusion. "Of all the men-- or women, I don't know if you exclusively swing this way- but of all the guys you could have, why me?"
"Let me tell you something. I fell in love with you the second I heard your voice. And seeing your face made it so much better." He kissed my forehead. "You're so... hot, that's part of why I chose you. Another reason is that you make me so happy. You're the first person I've fallen in love with that I wanted to have you, not just your body. I wanted to be able to hug you and cuddle you and call you mine." He rested his forehead against mine and stared into my eyes before continuing. "I don't deserve you. I really don't. But that's why I treat you like my fucking princess."
I didn't realize I was crying until he wiped away a tear that was rolling down my cheek. "Gerard, I-" I stopped to give a breathy laugh. "I never thought someone could love me like that." I smiled. "I was so broken. I thought the second I let someone in, that they would leave. But you stayed. I'm so happy you stayed. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me." I grabbed his wrists and returned his gaze. There was not a hint of doubt in his eyes. "Any more reasons?" I asked jokingly.
"Only person to ever dare date me." He leaned forward and kissed me lightly. There was suddenly a chuckle coming from the doorway and our heads whipped around. Standing there was Mikey, pinching the bridge of his nose and laughing to himself.
"When's the wedding?" Mikey managed to ask teasingly. Gerard grabbed a pillow and threw it at Mikey.
"H-How long were y-y-you stand-anding there?" he stuttered.
"For pretty much your whole speech," he replied matter-of-factly. Gerard's face became as bright a red as hair and he hid his face in my neck. Mikey laughed. "You guys are the cutest couple ever. Just pop the question already!" Gerard glared at him, making Mikey hold his hands up in defense as he walked away, still laughing.
"So I'm a princess now?" I asked Gee. He looked up from my neck to kiss me.
"You're my princess," he growled, his eyes now flickering with lust. I began singing the first thing that came to mind, despite how stupid it was.
"You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess, it's a love story, baby just say yes~"
He laughed. "Taylor Swift, really?" He pushed me down on the bed. "Thanks for killing my boner."
"I'm just not feelin' it tonight," I told him honestly. "Sorry babe." He shrugged.
"I'm fine with it, but... Taylor Swift?" he said as he flopped down beside me on the bed.
"Shut up." I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer to me. He smelled like coffee and cigarettes. Like always. "You know you love it."
"You're right. I do."
Oh my god I just found this book and it is soooooooooooooooo good you did a great job at writing this and chose a perfect ending.
11/8/14