The Fantasy

“G...Gerard?” Frank stammered. The two men stood there, unable to take their eyes of each other. "This isn't possible" Frank whispered, his mind racing through the memories that happened all those years ago. He remembered everything that had happened. He remembered the seemingly endless abuse he suffered at the hand of the man he loved. He remembered losing everyone around him because Gerard had affected his confidence and altered his personality. For a while, he couldn’t cope; he felt as though without him, he was nothing, worthless, better off dead; the deep scars on his arm told that tale quite clearly.

Gerard stepped towards him, reaching out to touch him on the arm when Frank swung at him; his fist punching him straight the face and knocking him back. He fell back, a sharp pain soaring through his nose and head as he struck the wall. "That's fine, I totally deserved that" He said as his fingers gingerly felt his nose, drawing them back to examine the small spots of blood which had quickly dripped from his throbbing face. "You were in prison Gerard! This isn't possible... You can't be here!" Frank cried, running his hands through his hair; grabbing hold of them as the familiar sense of panic rose in his chest.

Gerard looked up Frank, a warm smile spreading across his face. "What? What the fuck is so funny?!" Frank shouted, unable to hide the fear in his eyes. Gerard stood up, wiping the blood that poured from his nose and stepped towards him. "Did you really think I'd leave you like this?" He replied softly, moving a dark strand of hair out of Frank's eyes as he gently cupped his face with his hand. Frank's heart skipped a beat as his eyes locked with Gerard's.



“No...no you can’t do this. Do you realize what you did to me? How you made me feel? The nights I’d be hiding hoping you wouldn’t find me and hurt me. The times you called me a faggot or made me feel disgusted with myself. You can’t just come back and expect me to fall into your arms. I’m getting married for Christ sake.” He replied miserably, holding back the tears as he pushed him away.

Gerard stared back down at the floor, guilt washing over him as he sighed heavily to himself. It was true; he had fucked up. His life was one big fuck up. But he was trying. Ever since he went to prison, he made himself a promise. He swore to himself that the next time he saw Frank he would be changed man. He would sober up; get himself a job and a house. He wanted to make him happy and be the man Frank deserved to have in his life- not some dopey abusive boyfriend.



He sighed, looking back Frank and took hold of his hands. “I’ve been to anger management classes. I’m back on medication. I’ve gotten myself job in a music shop and I’ve just bought myself an apartment. It not much but I wanted to prove to you that I’ve changed. I love you Frankie and I never should have acted the way I did. Maybe if I hadn’t it would have been us getting married today” He said quietly, guilt pained in his eyes.



Frank remained silent, hanging his head as he found himself unable to look at his ex. Gerard nodded, swallowing hard. He knew it was too late. So much had changed; he almost wasn’t surprised by this. He slowly turned to walk away, tears welling in his eyes as he left the room. Frank suddenly grabbed his arm, turning him back around to face him. His heart fluttered in chest, a familiar feeling rising up in his chest as old feelings began to resurface. He couldn’t still feel this way, not after everything that had happened between them. He felt guilty for acting like this around him, of course he was in love with Patrick; he had been ever since they met. 


But it had always been Gerard.



He couldn't deny it anymore; he was back. The man he fell in love with all those years ago, the man who left him feeling empty and without meaning had finally come home. Frank pressed his lips against his as he slipped his arms around Gerard's tiny waist. Tears fell from his eyes as they embraced; wishing this would never end.



“This is it now. No more games or fucking up ok?” Frank said, cupping Gerard’s face in his hands. Gerard nodded, kissing one last time before taking him by the hand and leading him out of the hotel room. Frank paused, hesitating for a moment. He couldn’t just leave Patrick like this, it was wrong. He had done so much for him, helping through the dark times while Gerard was in prison.



Maybe this was a bad idea.

Gerard tilted his head, a confused look spreading across his face. “What am I doing? Gee I’m getting married." Frank sighed. He felt so confused; he had no idea what to do. Gerard let go of his hand, his face twisting into a serious expression; his hands grabbing hold of Frank's shoulders as he looked into his eyes. “If he’s what you want, if he makes you happy, then marry him. All I want is for you to be happy Frank. But I swear to you, I’ve changed. I will never drink again and I promise to do anything that’ll make you happy. If that means letting you go then.... then that’s what I’ll do” Gerard replied, kissing Frank on the cheek before walking out of the room.



Frank stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do. Patrick was such a lovely guy, he pulled him back from the brink and changed him into a better, stronger, person. He cared about Patrick a lot and he did love him.



But he wasn’t Gerard.


He ran from the hotel room, a smile growing on his face as he raced outside the hotel; his heart pounding as a wave of happiness washed over him. He turned the corner and into the car park to find Gerard stepping into the driver’s seat of a black ford. “Gerard” He called out, clearly startling him as he ran towards him. Gerard grinned, throwing his arms around Frank and kissing him passionately on the lips.

“I’m so sorry” He whispered, resting his forehead against his as he stared into his lovers eyes. Frank smiled. “I forgive you” He replied, kissing him one last time before they jumped into the car. He glanced over at Gerard who offered him a sweet, sympathetic smile as he turned the keys in the ignition. They headed up the street and onto the main road. Frank sat there in silence, guilt washing over him as they drove away from the hotel. He felt a hand rest upon his knee. "It'll be ok Frank, I promise" Gerard said, breaking the silence. He nodded, switching on the radio to XFM; the sound of Parkway Drive's Wild Eyes erupted loudly from the speakers, making them jump. They laughed as Gerard drove up the road, heading towards the M11 and out of Chester. He offered Gerard a watery grin, taking hold of his hand. "I love you Gee" He said. Gerard smiled, stopping at the traffic lights. "I love you too" he said, looking over at Frank, bringing his hand to his lips and kissing it gently. The light flashed green and they sped off down the motorway, not daring to look back.

Notes