The Fantasy

Mikey pushed open the double doors to the art corridor and walked down towards the lockers at the end. His mind wandered from one quick thought to the next as he slowly made his way down the corridor, occasionally glancing up at the giant canvases which were sprawled across the walls; displaying the highest quality of student work. A warm smile crept onto his face as he thought back to last weekend; the day Caterina asked him out for a coffee. He giggled quietly to himself as he thought about her, how perfect she looked that day with the way she smiled and the way she....

He quickly shook his head, shuddering as he realised what he was doing. He couldn’t have feelings for Cat! They had known each other for years and she was seeing Ray; his best friend. He sighed, resting his head against the cold metal of the lockers; I wish it wasn’t so complicated. She’d never feel the same for me. He opened his locker, shoving his bag inside and slammed it shut, the loud band echoing down the hall as he ran his hands impatiently through his hair; guiltily thinking of Caterina. If it was anyone else, he would have made a move months ago. But this was his friend, his best friend.
He couldn’t risk losing her.

“Everything alright?” A voice asked, startling him. He quickly turned to find himself staring into the dark brown eyes of Frank Iero. “Jesus Frank you gave me a heart attack” He said, placing a hand on his chest as Frank laughed, leaning against the lockers beside him.
Mikey stared at him for a moment, something seemed different about him. He seemed...happier than usual. Not that Frank’s happiness bothered him, it was the fact that he and Jamia had recently split up and suddenly he was the happiest guy around.

Was she really that awful?

“Listen” He said quietly, turning towards his friend and placing his hand upon his shoulders. Frank stared into his eyes, he never realised before how similar they were to Gerard’s. A warm feeling wash over him as his mind began to wander back to that evening in the hotel room; the way Gerard held him in his arms, the way he touched him, kissed him, made love to him...it was probably the most romantic moment he had ever experienced. “Frank? Frank you keep acting... weird?” Mikey asked, breaking through his thoughts as a worried look began to form on his face.

Frank smiled. “I’m fine, honestly. You don’t need to worry about me” he replied reassuringly, winking at him before turning and walking off down the corridor. At that moment, the bell rang. Students poured from the classrooms as Mikey stared at his friend as he disappeared into the crowd. Something didn’t feel right about all this.

****

The red glow of the digital clock almost seemed to light up the darkness of his room, giving it an almost spooky atmosphere as he lie awake in bed. He glanced at the clock, it was 12:30, running his fingers through his damp black hair as he continued to stare up at the ceiling; his mind focused on nothing else but him. Gerard sighed, dragging his tired body out of bed as he crept towards the wardrobe; the floorboards of his creaking loudly with every step. He reached the wardrobe doors, hesitating for a moment before pulling them open, pushing back the clothes and stared wide eyed and lovingly at the sight before his eyes.

Hundreds of pictures of Frank were nailed to the back of the wardrobe, the faces of the others within them had been viciously crossed out and his name scratched deeply into the dark wood of the furniture. He traced it delicately with his finger tips, the rough touch felt almost pleasurable against his soft, pale skin. As he gazed upon the pictures of the man he loved, the man he couldn’t bear to let go of, he failed to notice his bedroom door opening. He didn’t hear as a dark, shadowy figure crept silently into his room.
“Gerard?”

A soft voice spoke quietly behind him as he gazed lovingly into the eyes of the man he loved; the moonlight shining down through him window illuminated his gorgeous smile from the pictures he had scattered and nailed to deep brown wood of him wardrobe. He spun round, startled as he laughed half heartedly, offering his brother a shaky smile. “For god’s sake Mikey you frightened the life out of me” He said quietly, placing his hand to his chest as he nervously stood in the centre of him room, trying to hide what was behind his clothes.

“What are you up to?” Mikey asked, his eyes narrowing, studying the frail figure before him. He always knew when he was up to something, it was always the look of guilt that seemed to dance in him eyes when he knew he was caught out; his biggest flaw. He craned his neck, trying to look over Gerard’s shoulder. Suddenly Gerard walked towards him, dropping his hands to his sides as they curled into fists, his face twisting into an angry expression as he locked eyes with his younger. “I think you should leave” he snarled, staring into his deep brown eyes; almost challenging him. Mikey sighed, brushing a strand of hair out of Gerard’s face. He could still see, despite his outwardly fearful stance, the look of guilt which pained his eyes.

He moved past him. Gerard remained frozen to the spot as fear began to course through his veins. He closed him eyes, chewing his lip as he silently pleaded Mikey not to look in the wardrobe. He knew what would happen next. One quick phone call to Dr Luxemburg and he would be back in therapy quicker than he could say no. He listened as Mikey pulled back him clothes; the screech of the hangers against the metal bar put his teeth on edge. A loud gasp suddenly escaped Mikey’s lips, snapping Gerard back to life. He quickly turned; pushing Mikey aside and quickly shut the doors, his back pressed firmly against them as he fearfully stared at the concerned face of his younger brother.

“Gerard I thought you were over this” Mikey cried, placing a hand to his forehead as he struggled to look at Gerard. Gerard’s eyes fell to the floor; he knew he had annoyed him. But he didn’t understand. Nobody ever understood him except him. “I need him” He muttered, hiding his face amongst the darkness.

Mikey stared at him, a baffled expression spread across his face. He shook his head, pushing Gerard aside and threw open the wardrobe doors. Gerard tumbled to the floor, watching in horror as he ripped the pictures from the wood. “NO! Please you can’t! You can’t take them away from me again!” Gerard screamed, trying to snatch the pictures back from Mikey’s grip. He shook him off, his strong hand gripped tighter around the pictures as he quickly stormed out of the room. He listened as Gerard ran after him, screaming at him, begging him to stop. He ignored him, slamming the door behind him and locked it; pressing his back against the door as Gerard struggled to escape.

Gerard’s pale hands tugged vigorously as the cold metal of the door handle, pulling and pushing it as he begged Mikey to let him out. “Please Mikes I need them! Let me out of here please! Please” He screamed, banging his fists against the chipped wood of the bedroom door. He kick out at it, a sharp pain ran up his leg as he stumbled back in pain. “You bastard! I hate you! I fucking hate you!” He shouted, tears trailing down him cheeks as he collapsed into the cold sheets of his bed, sobbing into him pillow. He turned his head to face his wardrobe; small shards of paper still clinging to the wood. He cried harder, muffling his sobs into the pillow. He reached underneath his bed, him fingertips brushing against a small piece of metal. He pulled it out, small, bloodied razorblade shone in the moonlight, reflecting back his tear stained face. He sighed, calming himself down as he removed his watch from his wrist, revealing deep healing scars incrested upon him flesh. The sight of them made him wince as he closed him eyes; he had never liked them.

A tear trailed down his cheek as he pushed the razorblade deep into his skin, quietly gasping out as he dragged it down his skin. Blood began to ooze from the cut, spilling down his legs and onto his hands as he pushed it harder onto his skin. He smiled to himself, a twisted smile of a mad man as he began to cut himself again.

Notes

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