"I have always felt terrible. The reasons for this keep changing." - Benjamin Alire Sáenz

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I sat on the edge of the bed staring intently at my feet. I could feel Gerard's stare lingering on me, waiting for me to do - say something, anything. There was only one thing we could do, well, something I could do, this isn't Gerard's fault so I wouldn't expect his help, and especially after how Mikey had treated him he probably would want nothing to do with him.

The silence physically ached, pricking at my skin and scraping at my insides, I'd never felt more horrible than I did now and with Gerard sitting and waiting for me to fix everything, I felt like the weight of the world had been dumped on my shoulders. Mikey had disappeared as here I was worrying about what Gerard thought of me, things would never have gone down the way they did if I had bothered to listen to my best friend, rather than worry about the boy next to me. But who was I kidding, the boy next to me was pulling the strings attached to my heart, he was my puppeteer, I'd invested myself in him, if he wanted his way with me not for a second would I deny him - and the worst part was, he didn't even know.

I didn't even register what I was saying until Gerard looked at me with eyes wide, "we have to go after him."

"What!?," Gerard grabbed onto my shoulders and stared at me, "you don't even know where he went, plus it's getting dark out."

"I can't just stay here, his parents are going to be here for dinner and they'll expect that he's here too. I can't exactly tell them that he ran off crying because of me again. And you're right, it is getting dark, that's why I need to go now, something could happen to him."

Gerard watched as I shook off his grasp and slipped on a pair of chucks. I heard him murmur something as he viciously picked at the loose strands on his hoodie.

"Huh?" I paused at waited for him to respond.

He kept his eyes down and his hands busy and responded in a tiny voice, "something could happen to you."

I knelt down on the floor in front of where Gerard was seated and placed my hand gently under his chin, but he refused to make eye contact and his lip began to quiver slightly.

"Hey," I cooed, "Gee, it's okay, I'll be fine. I grew up here - I know these streets and where's safe and where's not. I won't be long, I'll go and find Mikey, make sure he's safe, then come right back."

Despite my efforts, Gerard let the tears begin to drip and cascade down his tinted cheeks, "but what if you don't. What if you don't come back. You're all I've got Frank. I can't lose you too. Not now," he launched himself forward and sunk into my body, wrapping his frail arms around me.
I lightly rubbed small circles along his back and gently breathed reassurance in his ear but it did little to soften the burning anguish in my chest as his body shook in my hold. The pure simplicity in the fact that I had brought tortuous sorrow to the two people I held most dear in the span of an hour almost made me feel even worse about my being. How is it physically possible for someone to be such a harbinger of unhappiness, it's not like I purposely wanted those around me to suffer and yet I seemed to be very talented in making it happen.

Gerard pulled away from the hug first and instantly I felt myself wanting his arms around my waist again. He sniffled and wipe away a few stray tears, "I'm coming with you."

"No."

"Yes."

"No!," I protested, "you can't come."

Gerard huffed, "if you don't willingly allow me to go with you, then I will follow you. I'm going one way or another."

I rubbed the palms on my hands against my eyes and let out a groan, "there's no way I'm going to win this is there?"

Gerard shook his head with a small smirk, "nope."

"Fine, put on some shoes and grab a torch," I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. Despite there being no immediate danger other than the average renegade that every town and city has lurking in the back alleys I couldn't swallow the lump of concern in the back of my throat. Taking Gerard with me just didn't feel right. Thoughts of someone even touching Gerard were acting as catalysts for protective rages I found myself falling into, and I was sure that normal people didn't feel this way toward friends.

Gerard and I quickly and awkwardly stumbled down the stairwell and began to hurry toward the front door when the light sound of humming travelled from the kitchen. I let my head hit against the wall in irritation - of course my mother had to be home early, of fucking course. I turned to Gerard and placed my finger over my lips to assure he wouldn't make a sound, we just had to get past the kitchen, not to difficult. Actually, no, it is too difficult because as Gerard and I crept passed the doorway the high pitched sound of my mothers voice rang in my ears.

"Frankie! I didn't know you had invited your guest over already!," my mother beamed and
sported a red lipstick framed smile, "you must be Gerard, Frank's spoken very fondly of you." She slipped a small wink at my reddening face.

Gerard wrapped and arm around my shoulder, "Oh? Really Frankie? How kind! It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs Iero."

Gerard strode forward and shook my mothers’ hand whilst flattering her over her choice of dress. I was sure my face was red, from mortification and anger.

My mother let out a loud chortle, "oh Gerard, you have to come and visit more often. Frank I can't believe you never invited Gerard around before!"

I forced a smile that turned into more of a grimace, "you know I can't imagine any reason why I haven't either. Now sorry mum, but Gerard and I really have to go, we've got some stuff to do."

My mothers' grin turned into a sly smile, "oh, well you two boys have fun now, just make sure you're back when Mikey and his parent's get here, okay Frank?"

I grabbed hold of Gerard's wrist and dragged him out of the kitchen, throwing a loud "yes," as we made it to the front door.

"Your mum's nice," Gerard commented quietly as we were walking down the front path.

"Yeah, and you're a little shit sometimes," I uttered giving him a slight nudge with my shoulder.

Gerard giggled and returned the favour, "don't complain, you love it."

I just grinned to myself, I most certainly did love it.

~*~
The icy night air began to break through our jacket barricades and nip at any exposed flesh, The sun had nearly completed it descent in the sky and warped streaks of oranges and pinks were slowly turning into navy blues and blacks. We'd been out for over an hour, walking side by side, in a peaceful but tense silence. We checked every street, every back ally, behind every tree in the park but our efforts were in vain, there was no sign of Mikey anywhere.

A constant lurching in my stomach arose and pure dread followed every time we searched a place and found nothing because it always meant that we were running out of options. Gerard huffed and kicked a loose stone next to the last dumpster in the area. He shook his head and looked pitifully at me. No Mikey here either I guess. That was it, we'd searched the entity of the area, top to bottom, and no Mikey. I had fought back the occasional wandering of my mind every so often to the possible chance he'd gone into the forest over the past hour. But we were out of options, there was nothing left, we'd have to go in there and we had to go now.

"Gee," Gerard looked over me from his place against the brick wall of the ally, "I think I know where he may be, but you're not gonna' like it."

Gerard looked at me confusedly, but the second the realization of where we had to go hit him with brute force. His entire face fell and his eyes sparked with the terror that I had seen when I first met him.

"It's okay, you uh, you can go back home, to my place, and I'll go alone. It's not safe for you to go back there, chances are he's been looking for you."

His adam's apple bobbed as he gulped loudly, "no, I'm, I'm going with you. I just - bad memories y'know."

I flashed a reassuring smile and took hold of his hand in mine, "just stick close to me, and keep a hold of your torch, it's gonna' be pitch black soon but we can't leave Mikey in the forest all night."

Gerard became totally pliant as I lightly applied pressure to his hand and towed him along a few steps behind me. It wasn't so much that I had to force his movements but more so the fact that he was locked in a fearful state of apprehension for whatever could be waiting beyond the treeline and this was directly affecting his ability to move his legs at a steady pace. I'd be lying if I claimed that the feeling wasn't mutual, but one of us had to muster up some form of deranged and false courage to get us past the front line of trees.

We approached the tree line, and the idea of turning away and running was extremely enticing. We both froze as the limbs of the looming pines began to reach out toward us, sharp and protruding the thick darkness behind it. The ripple of barn owl’s hooting sliced through the eerie silence and almost softened the atmosphere, almost.

“You sure as hell had some balls coming here in the middle of the night alone,” Gerard commented with his neck still craning up at the pines.

“Stupidity,” I corrected, “I had a lot of stupidity coming here, at night, alone.”

I saw Gerard’s mouth curl up at the edges a little, “well yeah, but you didn’t have to come here to be stupid, you already had that pretty well covered.”

“Asshole,” I grinned, “come on, we need to be quick.”

I took in a heavy breathe of air and stepped forward, exiting the town and entering the forest. Gerard followed close behind me as we lightly stepped along the rough path etched into the ground, sticks and leaves cracked and crunched underfoot sending the sound reverberating through the trees. Gerard’s fingers occasionally curled tightly around the material of the back of my jacket whenever a nocturnal animal made a sudden movement, or when his perceptions started to warp in the darkness, creating things that weren’t truly there.

A thick dewy mist began to rise from the ground and lingered, twisting and embracing our fragile bodies with an ethereal delicacy. The darkness had fully settled around us, brooding and thick, leaving us with the illusion that we had less air then was truly available. The further we walked, the deeper the dread became as it swam through my veins, settling in more places than just my stomach, and forcing me to stop in the middle of a tiny clearing. The sliver moonlight fought through the pines and illuminated the clearing with dim lustre. Gerard’s pale skin radiated the moonlight and a ghostly glow settled upon his face as we both stood and faced one another. Our breaths were short and laboured producing bursts of white mists to escape our lips and intermingle in the night air.

Gerard keep his gaze locked on mine and took a small step forward, his body heat instantly filling the empty space between us. His eyes flickered down to my lips before he inched forward with another minuscule step, however this time a small squelch sounded as his foot contacted the ground. Instantly he pulled back and looked down as the dark patch that surrounded his shoe.

He looked at me with bewilderment, “it hasn’t rained today, has it?”

I took a moment to reply as I brought my senses away from Gerard’s close proximity, “uh-n-no, why?”

Gerard bent down and dipped the tip of his fingers into the black liquid, “turn the torch on.”

I complied and clicked the small plastic button. A burst of white light illuminated Gerard’s milky hand that had two red streaks running down his fingers. Blood. The black liquid pool turned a deep crimson with the light and Gerard’s fingertips were cherry red with the blood stark against his milky skin. Gerard looked up at me his eyes wide and petrified as the realisation hit him and he began incessantly wiping his hands against his jeans.

A sharp crack cut through our silence and Gerard launched his frame at mine, clutching at whatever he could wrap his small fingers around. My heartbeat was erratic and thundered in the back of my ears as I shuffled on the spot and flung the torch around trying to locate the cause of the sound. Flashes and of red reflected off the torchlight as it flew past the surrounding trees. Gerard’s breaths were heavy and sporadic in my ear as he buried his face in my neck and I forced myself to still and wrap an arm around his lower back. I cooed gently in his ear as I raised the torch and slowly hovered it over each of the trees lining the clearing. Red splatters adorned the bark and leaked down the trunks of the trees. Gerard’s head twisted a little and he whispered a small “oh god” as he saw the bloody display on the trees.

A guttural torturous scream rang throughout the trees and its echoed lingered amongst the pine needles. This time it was me who tightened the grip of the embrace. Our heads snapped to the direction of the cry and the familiar yellow glow hovered in the darkness.

Gerard twisted his fingers with mine and tremored, “He’s got Mikey.”

Notes

Hello, apologies for my tardiness and the painful shortness of this chapter, but I have a major maths test on thursday I've been studying for, thus most of my time was taken. But on the bright side, I have a nice four hour car trip ahead of me which means plenty of time for writing - so you may be lucky enough to get another chapter this week, or just a really long one on Sunday.
anyways, I haven't re-read so sorry for any errors and please feel free to drop a comment, and let me know what you think! :) oh and thank you so much for reading! :3