You're So Dark

“Well, is he okay now?” Gerard sighed into the phone.

“Yeah. He got wasted as fuck last night. He wanted to have sex so bad he almost raped me,” Brendon sighed through giggles. Gerard could literally see him shaking his head disapprovingly.

“I don’t think I want to know,” Gerard made a disgusted noise. “What’s up with Patrick? Why isn’t he answering his phone?”

“His mom took it away from him,” Brendon said in a grungy noise. “She’s really pissed at him.”

“Tell him to call me from yours tomorrow over lunch or something,” Gerard sighed.

“Deal.”

“Fucking Gerard! Get your ass down here!” Mikey called in an irritated voice from Gerard’s basement.

“Michael James Way, I don’t want to hear you using those words ever again!” Donna yelled. Gerard chuckled. “And Gerard, if you don’t show up down here in three seconds you’re staying home.”

“Shit,” Gerard hissed into the phone, making Brendon laugh. “I’ve got to go; they’re going to decapitate me if I don’t. But like hardcore decapitate me. Probably mutilate me, too. Or something.”

“Go then, idiot. Talk to you tomorrow, use protection,” Brendon hung up before Gerard could scold him for being the worst friend ever.

Gerard sighed loudly and ran downstairs to help his mom and Mikey with the shit. Originally, he’d been meaning to do all that by himself, but his mom was a nuisance, as usual. Now he was stuck folding clothes he probably wouldn’t even be wearing while Equilibrium was blasting through his earphones and piercing his eardrums. It was brutal for his headache, but he was trying to clear his head which was buzzing with idiotic thoughts and fantasies [and failing epically, obviously]. He felt utterly fucked up and he had no idea why he was so scared. It wasn’t like Mr. Iero would kill him or something. Well, Gerard would probably die of some epic calf injury because of his clumsiness before anyone, including him, had the chance to murder his ass.

The house phone rang again and Gerard, of course, was the first one to run upstairs and answer it [while his mom was shooting daggers at him with her glare]. He was in such shape that he ran out of breath before he even picked up the phone. He kind of almost fell while running up the stairs, too. Talk about balance.

“Hello?” He sounded like he’d just gotten home from a jog.

“Hey, is this Gerard?” A familiar voice said. Now Gerard felt like he’d just gotten home from a jog. “It’s me, Frank. Iero. Mr. Iero, I mean. God, I hate calling myself ‘Mr. Iero’. It makes me feel fu-” he coughed, “freaking old. Okay, sorry for ranting. It’s me, anyway, the dwarf with short black hair who’s bound to take you to LA?”

Gerard couldn’t help but to grin. What a fucking dork. He was so cute Gerard wanted to throw himself off a bridge. “I know it is. Not that you’re a midget,” [even though he kind of was] Gerard bit his lip and Mr. Iero chuckled, “no, seriously, it’s fine, uhm, huh?” He chuckled nervously.

“Mhm, good. I managed to find your house number at school on Friday; I was batshit scared I’d gotten it wrong.” Gerard could literally feel the awkward grin he was sure Mr. Iero’s rudely beautiful face was carrying right now and the silent hiss of ‘fuck when he realized he used the term ‘batshit’ while talking to a student, “Anyway, I’m just calling to tell you I’ll be outside your house in fifteen minutes. We were supposed to meet at the train station, but my roommate needs the car later tonight because he’s working the graveyard shift, and the place he’s working at is right next to the train station so we agreed that I’ll just go by car and leave it there. Sorry for my pointless rants, yet again, ugh. Anyway, do you think you’ll be ready by then?”

“It’s fine, no need to be sorry,” I like listening to you while you’re talking was what was currently on Gerard’s mind. “And yeah,” he scratched the back of his head. “I think I’ll manage.”

“Okay, see you then.”

“Bye,” Gerard said and hung up the phone. Then he spent the next ten seconds staring in front of himself. Then he stumbled downstairs again and finished packing while his whole head was spinning and his stomach making somersaults and his whole body was acting like an amusement park, which was really far from amusing if you asked him.

*

He thought his heart was going to poke through his chest and just plop there held by I don’t know strings?? when the horn of Mr. Iero’s car sounded from outside.

“Let me walk you-” his mom started.

“No, mom,” he stopped her. “I’ve got this. You just handle Mikey down there,” he pointed at Mikey who was complaining about being ‘so fucking hungry he is going to die’. She sighed and shook her head at him.

“Okay, but be nice. And try not to be too much trouble for that teacher of yours,” she smiled and walked over to him. She gave him a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek, “Remember to call me and grandma tomorrow morning, and when you get to the hotel.”

“Okay, okay,” he sighed and opened the front door. “Take care of Mikey, he’s going to die not having me around for almost a week.”

“Deal, now get out,” she gently elbowed his side and shoved him out. Sigh, his mom was brutal.

He walked over to the oh-so-familiar shiny car whose smell he could still feel inside his nostrils because it was so intense and he kind of sniffed it like glue that one time he’d been inside [even though he’d been sick as fuck he’d still been able to appreciate a nice scent or whatever … basically Gerard could sometimes be kind of a freak]. He walked over to the car and opened the door to see a smirking Mr. Iero sitting in the driver’s seat.

“Hello,” Gerard said and chucked his bag in front of his feet before he closed the door.

“Hey, you all good?” Mr. Iero smiled sideways, his eyes on the road as he was starting the car.

“Yeah.” No, because the only thing I’m able to think when I’m around you is you bending me over a counter and fucking me senseless so I’m worried how I’ll be able to endure a few days like this. Gerard gave a reassuring smile to somehow affirm how good he actually was. Even though he was going crazy right now.

“’M glad to hear that. How was your weekend?” Mr. Iero was obviously trying to make pointless chat and Gerard didn’t really mind but it was still batshit awkward to talk to him.

“… eventful,” Gerard really couldn’t think of a better word as he was sneaking glances at his teacher, the stubble slightly reminding him of the Crimson Ghost guy from last night. He couldn’t remember much, but darn that guy was an amazing kisser. Anyway, he loved the stubble, and it suited Mr. Iero so well he had to mentally slap himself from thinking about him.

“Oh?” Mr. Iero smirked.

“Yeah, nothing special, though.” Gerard really didn’t want to talk about it. It was his teacher for Christ’s sake, plus he would get all grieving emo over it. He wished he could have just forgotten all about it. It would’ve made his shit much easier.

*

“Okay, have you ever travelled with one of these?” Frank motioned at the train after they got into their wagon. It was nice there, simple – two beds on each side, hardwood floor and blue walls, a small bathroom in one corner, a fridge in the other. It would do, anyway.

“No,” Gerard coughed and put his back at the foot of his bed. “I’ve travelled by a train before, just not these with rooms and shit.”

“Language,” Frank scolded, trying to sound professional. He heard Gerard chuckle quietly, and it would usually be really annoying, but he kind of felt all fuzzy from the sound now. He hated the fact everything Gerard did he somehow found endearing. Fuck, he turned him into a lovestruck idiot. “What?”

“Like you’re the one to talk,” Gerard was still chuckling, “You always slip up.”

“Not always,” Frank cleared his throat. Gerard gave him a funny look, but he brushed it off. He did say too much, but he decided not to make anything out of it. Blowing his cover was the last thing on his to-do list.

“What time is it anyway? The clock on my iPod doesn’t work.” Gerard asked a while later, when they were both on their beds, Frank reading some poetry book he didn’t even know he owned while Gerard was stuck inside his own world with his earphones in.

Frank checked his phone. “Nine thirty, why?”

“No reason, I’m just bored so time is passing by way too slowly,” he sighed and shifted on his bed.

Frank dumped the book by his side. “Do you want to talk?”

“About what?” Gerard furrowed his brow, like he couldn’t understand why Frank would want to talk to him. Well, it wasn’t like Frank could tell him the exact reason, but it was obvious he liked him, even in a totally unromantic way. He was just a really … likeable person.

“Whatever. Music, books, writers, friends, family, cheese? I don’t care.” Frank smiled.

Gerard now shifted again so he was sitting up, facing Frank. He took his earphones out and turned his attention to Frank. “Hm, like a get-to-know-each-other session?”

“You could call it that way, I guess,” Frank chuckled.

“Okay,” Gerard scratched his neck. “What’s your favorite band?”

“Oh, man,” Frank sighed, thinking, “Probably Black Flag or The Misfits. Yours?”

“The Smiths, I guess,” Gerard smiled. “Who’s your best friend?” Gerard seemed to be getting a hang of this.

“My roommate, Ray. We’ve been best friends since childhood. Ever since he saved me from some guys shoving me in a toilet in preschool,” Frank chuckled at the memory. “What about you?”

“Oh, man, it’s hard to choose. I’ve never really had friends, before I got to Belleville, I mean. Now I have a bunch,” he grinned. “But if I have to choose, it’s probably Brendon or Patrick.”

“What about poetry?” Frank remembered the book he was reading. “Do you like it?”

“I love it,” Gerard sighed dreamily, “I could quote Edgar Allan Poe’s poems for a living.”

“Take this kiss upon the brow, and, in parting from you now, thus much let me avow – you are not wrong, who deem. That my days have been a dream,” Frank recites classily, making Gerard grin.

“Yet if hope has flown away in a night, or in a day, in a vision, or in none, is it therefore the less gone? All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream,” Gerard finished the poem in a slight diminuendo, drawing a smile from Frank’s face, who just sighed happily.

“Poems should always be learned by heart,” Frank smiled again, “When you repeat it in your head so many times before you go to bed, and when you finally embrace the true rhythm and the meaning of the words…” he trailed off.

“… only then you’re able to recite the poem right, because it doesn’t make any sense otherwise. It’s just empty words and rhymes. The rhythm contains the heart of the poem, the soul, the pulse of its being,” Gerard finished for him.

“Exactly,” Frank looked at him, slightly surprised he knew exactly what he meant.

Gerard just awkwardly smiled and they kept talking about unimportant stuff, just rambling about nothing and everything, simply to fill the silence and cure the boredom. It was weird how someone so much younger than him understood him in every possible way, how Gerard’s sentences melted with his and how their views of life were similar. It was remarkable, and it only made Frank like Gerard more, if it was possible. He wasn’t just an immature teenage boy, he was a practically grown person, no matter how childish his wits and jokes were. Frank’s were, too.

“We should probably get to bed, you know,” Frank smirked when he saw the time.

“Yeah,” Gerard yawned. “I can’t believe it’s been so long, holy hell.”

“Holy hell?” Frank laughed.

“Shut up,” Gerard disappeared in the bathroom.

“Is that the proper way to talk to your teacher?” Frank joked.

“No,” Gerard yelled from the bathroom, sending Frank into another fit of giggles.

When Gerard came back, he threw a quiet ‘good night’ to Frank who was waiting for his turn by the bathroom door. When Frank was done with the bathroom, he turned all the lights off and made his way to his bed. He shot a glance at Gerard, who looked like he was already asleep. He smiled slightly at the sight and shoved his earphones in. Sleep could go fuck itself; Frank was an insomniac for life.

*

A loud scream awoke Gerard, who was almost completely asleep already. He lightened the room with his phone, cursing on whatever god who had invented blackouts and hoping there were no serial killers on the train.

[surprisingly enough] There weren’t.

There was only Mr. Iero, with his eyes painfully wide that it looked like they would flop out. Gerard squinted his eyes and followed the direction they were looking at. At first, he saw nothing, but then he spotted a little black dot. It looked like… a spider?
The dot moved and Mr. Iero screamed again, only his scream sounded differently now. Like he was… holy shit, he was crying. Gerard quickly got up from his bed and carefully walked over to his teacher. He grabbed the paper towel roll from the small countertop beside the fridge.

“Mr. Iero,” Gerard calmly said. “Don’t be scared.”

“How the fuck should I-” He barely choked out. Gerard really hated seeing him like this, so scared – so vulnerable. Like anything could hurt him.

Gerard got closer, and quickly grabbed the spider with a piece of paper towel, threw it on the floor and stomped on it. Mr. Iero looked at the scene with dread in his eyes and when he finally realized that the spider wasn’t coming back, he started crying even more. Gerard looked at him for a few moments, and then decided he must do something.

He put his hand on Mr. Iero’s shoulder. “It’s gone, it’s okay,” he whispered.

“How do you know? It might come back, it might come back and kill me and and-” another sob erupted from his throat and cut him off.

Gerard sighed. This was his only chance, obviously. He put another hand on Mr. Iero’s shoulder and pulled him onto his chest. His heart was pounding as hell but it was worth it, because he didn’t pull back. He just grabbed Gerard’s waist and sobbed into his chest.

“It won’t come back, okay?” Gerard was rubbing little circles into his teacher’s back, trying to calm him down. “If it does, I’ll protect you, I promise.”
“You don’t have to do this, Gerard,” Frank cried, a little more coherent this time.

“I want to,” Gerard admitted. And then he realized he might’ve said too much.

“Why? I mean I… I don’t know, I…” Mr. Iero was now much calmer and Gerard started freaking out.

“I… it doesn’t matter, okay? The spiders aren’t coming back, that’s all that matters.”

“Gerard,” Mr. Iero moved away from him to look at him in the eyes. Gerard could bet he was flushed red now.

“I… leave it.”

Frank raised an eyebrow. Even in the dark, Gerard caught it and squirmed uncomfortably. This wasn’t what he bargained for, not when they were so close, not when he could change everything if he just leaned in. Not when there was a possibility he might win something from this. No.

“I… oh fuck it,” Gerard let himself lose the battle he was having with his mind. He’d been too careful, too cautious, and he finally just decided to betray that part of himself here and now.

And that was the moment Gerard let his head travel downwards and his lips do the thing he’d desired to do since he’d first laid his eyes on the person in front of him. He kissed him.

Notes

Meheheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehe.

Sorry for the wait. I was planning on updating yesterday, but then I couldn't write because well I just couldn't so I forced myself and it turned out like crap [of course I didn't rewrite it and you've read it now because I'm a horrible person] . Well, no, actually, I was planning on updating the day before yesterday because it's kinda 4:03am now. Yeah I've been watching Supernatural [it's probably gonna fuck me up like grand because I'm hooked as fuck already sigh]. Fun.

I'm listening to Steelheart [THEIR SINGER IS FROM CROATIA AKA THE HELLHOLE I LIVE IN FANGIRLS FOREVER] and eating mints and I really have to pee so bye I guess I hope I update before Christmas because I'm like the worst person in the universe and also the greatest procrastinator ever yeah

- Milonator [or whatever]

P.S. pls cross your fingers for my parents not to hear me while I'm sneaking into the bathroom because I'm gonna get in so much trouble if they do fuck my life