You're Beautiful, To Me

The break time bell finally rang after two periods of hell, I picked up my bag and hurried out the biology classroom. I think I’d accidently bumped into someone on my way out but I didn’t stop to apologise, not like they’d care anyhow.
I joined the crush of people heading for the stairwell and tried my best not to panic as the crowd pressed in on me, I did my best to put the worries of everyone judging me out of my head even though I knew it was useless.
I was an outcast, the scrawny kid who wore black clothes and had black hair. The gay fag who wore make-up. The suicidal and depressed ‘emo’ who was the subject of bullying by almost all of the rest of the school.
It just wasn’t fair.
I don’t know what I ever did to anyone. I was just suddenly a joke that everyone found funny. I was suddenly rejected by society and people pleasured in making my life a misery.
More recently the bullies had laid off me a bit, given me breathing space. Although I’m pretty sure they still hate my guts, I can’t say I’m still ruthlessly bullied. Of course, I do still have haters and people who go out of their way to hurt me.
I could feel my breathing hitch as I was going down the stairs, I felt like I was about to have another panic attack. I couldn’t, not here, the rest of the school would love it, they would be laughing about it for the next week. I reached into my pocket for my earphones but silently cursed as I realised I’d left them on my bed, I’d have to find another way to calm myself. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut and clenched my fists, my nails digging into my palms and drawing blood. Under my breath I recited the lyrics to the chorus for the Wretched And Divine by Black Veil Brides, I concentrated my thoughts on the music and let myself be swept along with my peers as we made our way down the stairs.
What’s happening to me? I can’t even walk through the school without having a panic attack these days.
Still muttering, I made my way past the locker areas and to the door which led to the yard behind the school. I did have my own locker but I never used it, I don’t really see why to be honest when I don’t give a shit anyway.
As I was walking with my head tilted downwards a burst of laughter caught my attention, I paused and lifted my head, looking in the direction of the sound.
A group of people were clustered around one area and were laughing hysterically at something, I recognised the two boys at the front as the ones who made my life miserable. I wondered what they were all laughing at and stayed around a bit longer to find out.
After a minute or so one of the bullies unlocked the door of a locker and a boy fell out, the group screamed with laughter as the two boys grabbed the other kid and attempted to stuff him back inside the locker. He looked new, I don’t think I’d seen him before. He seemed to be quite small and had quite short black hair, I couldn’t make out any other features as he was too far away.
As the two guys were pushing at him I thought back to when that was happening to me, I was never shut in a locker but they did similar things to me. Like that time we were on a class trip to an island and they pushed me over the edge of the boat into the water, laughing as I struggled to swim. Or the other time they’d flooded the classroom whilst the teacher was out and blamed it on me when she got back, of course the rest of the class backed them up because they all hated me. There was another time when I’d accidently bumped into the girlfriend of one of them and they’d pinned me down and physically beaten me up whilst a bunch of kids stood around and watched.
I knew how this guy felt, the oppression and experience of being made into a joke, he probably didn’t have any friends if he was new. I felt like I was having a flash back and tears began to prick at my eyes, the whole injustice of this just wasn’t right.
My heart went out to this guy and I wanted to help him, in an ideal world I would march over, beat the shit out of the bullies, scare the onlookers off and help the guy up, asking if he was okay. Instead, I just stood there. The kid must have seen me staring and we locked eyes for a moment, I don’t know if he was too far away to see my smudged eyeliner and know that I was upset about it or if he just thought I was standing doing nothing about it. Probably the latter, I mouthed ‘sorry’ to him and he was slammed back into the locker, the door locked with him inside.
Yes, I’m a coward.
I continued on my way to the yard where I drowned my thoughts and feelings in more liquor, the alcohol washing away my sorrow and fueling my hatred.
The next two periods were hell again, but I guess I should be used to it by now. When the ring of the bell for lunchtime pierced my thoughts I thankfully gathered my stuff and headed back to the yard.
Only I was stopped before I reached the door leading outside.
The two bullies towered over me and smirked as a group behind them sniggered quietly. I sighed inwardly and looked forlornly back.
“Long time no see, Way.” One of them laughed, Ryan I think his name was.
“Nice to see you’ve lost more weight, stayed just as emo and become even gayer than before!” The other chided and everyone fell about laughing, I just looked back at them.
“Hey you’re ignoring us! You know we don’t like it when we’re ignored, Way, we’ll teach you a lesson so you don’t ignore us in future, fag!” The last word was spat and I felt strong arms push me onto the floor.
‘Not again.’ I though wearily and screwed up my face in pain as the first blow hit me, followed by a second and a third, and so on. The group of people just laughed at me lying helpless on the ground and did nothing to help. The pain weakened me even more and I couldn’t do anything other than just take it. Life isn’t fair.
I tensed up waiting for the next blow, but it never came. Instead a voice sounded somewhere above me.
“Leave him the fuck alone. What’s he done to you, yeah?! Go do something useful with your lives like, I don’t know, learn to put a condom on maybe?!” I opened my eyes to see that kid from earlier, the one I’d seen being shut in the locker. He punched one of the onlookers in the face and they paused and stared at him before running, the rest following suit. The two main leaders suddenly looked weak without their support and exchanged a look before leaving too.
This boy had helped me, he’d watched me look at him and see what was going on though do nothing about it but he’d still helped me. He was the kind of person I’d imagined myself being earlier and I felt the tears well up behind my eyes again.
I’d stood back and watched him get hurt yet when he’d seen me getting hurt he’d stepped in and tried to stop it. As if I didn’t feel shit enough about myself already.
He took my hand and pulled me upright, “Are you alright? You’re not hurt too badly are you?” He asked concerned.
I didn’t answer but swiftly let go of his hand, staring at the ground. The bell rang again and for once I was grateful of it, I gladly picked up my bag from the floor next to where I’d been lying.
“Thanks.” I muttered to him without lifting my gaze from the floor as I rushed off to my next class.

Notes

Ya this chapter is slightly longer than the last one but it'll be okay I'm sure x
And I think I'll keep doing it in Gerard's P.O.V for a bit because I actually quite like it haha xD
Please comment and rate with feedback, it'd be really appreciated thanks c: