You're Beautiful, To Me

"FINE THEN!!" I yelled at Mikey as I made to turn and leave.
"Gerard! You can't just act like this all the time, there's other people in the house too you know?!" My brother didn't lose control like I did, but I think he was equally as pissed.
"YOU DON'T GET IT THOUGH!! NOBODY GETS IT!" I screamed, stamping my foot in frustration. I just wanted to be left alone.
"Yeah, that's your problem! Nobody gets you, but that's because you never let anyone near you. You just need to grow up man, you're sixteen so maybe act like it huh?!" Mikey was angry at me but he just sat in the chair and looked up at me as I paced around, stamping my feet and snarling at everything in my uncontrollable rage.
"MAYBE IF YOU SPENT A DAY BEING ME YOU'D UNDERSTAND. I'M NOT POPULAR LIKE YOU, EVERYONE HATES ME, SPEND A DAY IN MY HEAD MICHAEL AND YOU'D UNDERSTAND WHY I HATE PEOPLE SO MUCH!!" I was pretty much spitting the words out, my rage wasn't subsiding and I just wanted to get out.
Mikey smirked as he watched me punch the wall, "Actually I lie, the only one you ever speak to is that Frank dude. Personally I don't get why he bothers."
The mention of Frank's name hit the raw nerve which snapped me.
"YOU KNOW NOTHING!" I snarled, advancing on my brother before thinking better of it and heading for the closed door, "AND DON'T FUCKING BRING HIM INTO IT, JUST FUCKING GO TO HELL ALREADY!!"
I heard Mikey laugh as I wrenched the door open and slammed it behind me, pretty much fleeing for the front door.
I wanted to get out.
Once I was outside I ran for as long as I could, the physical exercise burning my muscles and legs, taking my mind off the anger burning through my veins as it slowly eased off.
My brother could be a right prick sometimes, we used to be close when I was younger but nowadays we fought too much. It was my fault, I didn't eat properly, sleep properly, I cut too much, drank too much - all leading to severe mood swings. Mikey was popular at school, he had friends and good grades as well as a social life. He'd had his fair share of girlfriends and always had another guy by his side. Not many people associated Mikey Way, the cool and friendly kid who was liked by everyone with his brother Gerard Way, the suicidal and antisocial emo who couldn't keep a friend to save his life. Literally.
I’d gotten worse ever since I’d met Frank though, I didn’t even get it. Why was he always on my mind? Why did I even care so much about him anyway?
I slowed to a walk and continued, breathing heavily from the exercise but my mind was clear again. I kept walking for a quarter of an hour before I found a park, I sat down on the grass under a tree and plugged my headphones in. Soon I was blasting music at full volume, probably damaging my ears but not giving two shits, and my fight with Mikey still on my mind but not clouded with the red mist of rage.
We'd both been sitting there, I'd been trying to work and he'd been sprawled across the sofa texting people. I was finding my work hard and had gotten exasperated, making sighs and groans until I just got so frustrated I chucked a book across the room. It'd hit Mikey on the leg and he'd told me to "Be more fucking careful Gerard, the world doesn't revolve around you.', at that moment I'd completely lost the plot and screamed at him. We'd then began fighting and I'd gotten more and more wound up as it went on, I probably should have apologised but I hadn't and it was too late now. Maybe I'd do it later, if Mikey wouldn't ignore me. I hoped he wouldn't, although he probably would because he knew it upset me and he'd definitely get a reaction out of me. The worst thing about it was that my parents would probably side with him because he's their ideal version of a son, the one they resent me for not being.
I gritted my teeth silently, my rage building up again. It just wasn't fair.
A thought occurred to me and I reached for my phone, opening the back of it and taking my small silver friend from it. The elegance of the blade intrigued me, it was beautiful in a deadly sort of way, hopelessly sad and romantic if used in the right circumstances, yet tragic and fatal if the situation was different.
I carefully slipped my right hand up my left sleeve so that anyone who could be watching me wouldn't see and glanced upwards before digging it down.
The pain made me gasp, it wasn't really painful but it stung and that was what I needed. I repeated the action several times until there was nowhere else to do it, I then switched hands and did the other arm too. I wanted to move into my stomach and possibly legs afterwards because the physical pain was overcoming the mental pain and helping me feel better but there was too many people around so I just hid it in my phone again.
I sat with my earphones in and the blood drying on my arms for a few hours. By the middle of the afternoon I was regretting the cuts, they were definitely hurting now and making my mood even worse. But I deserved it.
I didn't move, only sat motionlessly and brooded, my face a permanent scowl and my eyes dark and dangerous. People steered clear of me because my glare made me appear intimidating, but in reality I was just a pale and weak thing which didn't even have the energy to stand up or itself. The clichéd irony of my entire life and existence amused me slightly and I smiled ruthlessly to myself, twisting my features into an even deadlier mask.
I don't know how much time had passed but at some point I felt something pull gently on my hair, I shook my head and varied on staring ahead. It happened a few more times until I got fed up of it and turned around, yanking an earphone out, only to be faced by the one person I really didn't want to have to deal with right now.
"Fuck off, Frank." I muttered, casting my eyes down.
"Nice to see you too!" He giggled, continuing to tangle his fingers in my hair.
I groaned and took a few deep breaths to calm myself before speaking again, "Just leave me alone."
"Nope!" Frank smiled widely and I clenched my fists.
"You have lovely hair, Gee." He murmured as his hands ran through it, twisting strands around his fingers and tugging gently on it. I wished he wouldn't, as much as I did like the feeling.
"Please." I said as I stood up and walked across to the swings, sitting down and staring again.
Frank came over and sat next to me but didn't speak, I suddenly felt super guilty for snapping at him. We sat in silent for a while, rocking back and forth on the swings as we ignored the other.
Finally Frank spoke, "I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you."
"Don't be," I replied in a small voice, "It's my fault."
"I know you're upset," he began cautiously, "What's up?"
"It's just, I, me and my, we," I cried out in frustration then hesitated, "I fucked up, and I don't wanna talk about it."
Frank nodded and I continued to stare miserably ahead.
"Talk to me?" I asked after a few minutes.
"About what?" Frank seemed somewhat unsure.
"Anything," I replied in a whisper, I hated how petty the words sounded but I couldn't help myself, "I just wanna hear your voice, I like it and it calms me down."
"Errr, okay the ," Frank paused awkwardly then began a story about where he'd been as a young child and something about a dog, I didn't pay much attention to it but Frank kept talking, it had the desired effect and I felt myself relaxing.
By the time I felt I should go I was feeling tired and calm, but still far from happy. I stood up and Frank nodded and stood up too.
"I'll see you later, Gerard." He smiled weakly at me.
"Yeah, thanks." I looked down at my feet embarrassed by how grateful I actually was, and flinched when Frank pulled me into a quick hug. But I hugged him back because I was grateful and he smiled at me once we parted, then turned I walk away.
The rest of the evening was shit; my mum raging at me for upsetting Mikey, my dad shouting at me for skipping the evening meal, Mikey ignoring me as predicted.
I sat on my bed several hours later, equally as frustrated as I'd been earlier. I shook my head in annoyance and felt something bounce gently against my neck. I looked in the mirror and saw that there were tiny braids settled in my hair; they actually looked sort of nice, and were strong when I touched them. I contemplated undoing them all but I just didn’t have the energy, plus I liked the look of them so I just left it.
I sat on my bed again, distantly thinking of Frank playing with my hair and cheering me up earlier, it hurt my cracked lips but I smiled genuinely for the first time all day.

Notes

Yeeees... next update! c:
If anyone's got any suggestions of anything they'd like to happen or any ideas at all for this story feel free to comment them or message me ^.^
-Catherine