The Human Stain

“I’m fine thank you.” I replied not looking up, “Now if you’ll excuse me I need some air.”

I rushed out into the garden and took deep shuddering breaths. I can’t believe that just…Jeremiah?! I walk the stone pathway and stare at the roses bathed in the moonlight, so pure and beautiful. Maybe all those men and women were right, maybe I’m not as pure and beautiful as I think I am. I mean I used to think I was a human how pure can I be growing up like that. I’ve watched my friends die for crying out loud. There’s no way I could ever be like one of these roses.

I plop down behind the rose bushes not caring about my dress being soiled, and just stare at the moon. The longer I sit there the more sounds I begin to notice. The wind rushes through the leaves, crickets play their limbs like violins, somewhere water laps quietly at some unseen shore. I can imagine that it’s my own personal orchestra. I slip down farther and lay completely on the grass; letting it run through my fingers.

Looking up at the stars always makes me feel like I’m a part of something. Obviously, as I’ve grown up I never felt as if I belonged anywhere and I still don’t, but when I look at the stars and planets I feel like I’m at one with them. I feel as if I can reach up and touch them stirring them gently with my fingertips, like some type of cosmic potion. My arm reaches up towards the heavens like I was some form of god trapped here on Earth, and if I reached high enough I could return home. My arm flops down useless. I am no god. I’m not even sure I’m something that can exist.

Standing I continue walking and quickly run across the water that I had heard earlier. It was a pond surrounded by cherry trees and willows. It’s like something from a fairytale. The branches on the willows part like a curtain as I walk through them and I smile at the pond in front of me. Ravished by moonlight the shimmering surface looks as if Tatiana herself bathed in it’s waters. Removing my shoes I enter the place and sit quietly on a bench by the shore.

Staring into the waters I experience something I can’t quite describe. Something like euphoria and nirvana if they combined in one sentient being and decided to wrap me in the night sky. This is the calmest and not the mention the most feeling I’ve felt in years. I shiver slightly at the cold and wrap my arms around myself rubbing up and down.

A tear makes it’s way down my cheek and I try to blink it away, and suddenly I’m crying; bawling like when I was a child. This is not the perfect crying fits you hear about in stories. This is loud, messy, a bit snotty, and all encompassing. Sobs rack my body and I bury my head in my hands; making as much sound as I want knowing there’s no one around. Who knows maybe if I cry enough I’ll drown.

The tears flow endlessly and I’m starting to get the saying cry me a river. I don’t know for how long I’m crying and I honestly don’t care; all I know is that I feel immensely better once I do. I continue to stare out at the water in silence just listening to the water lap at the shore; it kind of sounds like it’s kissing the land. The water is married to the Earth.

The silence is shattered by a twig breaking somewhere back in the tree grove. In fact it sounds awfully close. I quickly get up from the bench and wipe my face making sure I get most of the evidence of my crying jag off.

“Who’s there?” I ask my voice shaking slightly.

I get no reply. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and walk back toward the grove of trees. Maybe I’m hearing things? I have to get back to the party anyway though; Mikey will be wondering where I ran off to. Before I leave the clearing I glance over my shoulder back at the pond and sigh. I’ll have to come back here sometime. I leave the grove rather quickly and once I’m back on the path check my make up--just in case. I don’t want to go in there looking like…well like I just cried my eyes out.

I walk the path back to the manor and somehow everything seems more chaotic. The roses look like they are reaching out to ensnare me and rip at my skin. The moon appears as if it’s glaring down at the landscape drenching it in silvery blood. The trees reach out toward me as if to kidnap me and take me away. My breathing speeds up slightly and my walking speed increases.

Finally after what seems to be hours I reach the manor and quickly walk back inside. I check my makeup one more time before re-entering the ballroom, and honestly it’s as if I never left. Although everyone does appear to be quite a bit drunker than when I left. I skirt around everyone turning down any drinks offered to me. The idea doing something that practically turned me into another person never appealed to me.

Mikey still seems to be talking to the same person he was when I left, which from what I can gather is highly unusual for him. He sees me and waves me over to him.

“Gerard!” He says embracing me and pulling me into my side, he is definitely one of the more drunk ones here, “I have a friend I want you to meet!”

“Mikey you have a lot of friends you want me to meet.” I say rolling my eyes a bit at his silliness.

“No!” He says a bit petulantly, “This is like my best friend!”

“Fine.” I say deciding to indulge him.

“Frank!” He calls, “Frank get over here I have someone you need to meet!”

A man turns around and walks over to us. He is on the short side and is a Dom from the air about him and smell, but like everyone at this blasted party it seems--he has a hat pulled over his eyes.

“Hello,” He says and I recognize his voice. The stranger from earlier! “Mikey I’m sorry to ruin your moment but me and your brother have already met briefly although we weren’t properly introduced.” I blush at this.

“What do you mean?” Mikey asks looking a bit lost.

“Earlier Jeremiah Grievence was attempting to take off with your brother and judging from his pants, do unsavory things to him without consent.” He replies.

“What.” Mikey says with a quiet anger, instantly sober, “I’m going to kill that man!”

“Not tonight Mikey.” The man, Frank from what Mikey said his name was, “Tomorrow though he’s all yours. I already took care of him a little tonight.”

Mikey nods and sighs pinching his nose, before collecting himself and smiling slightly at me. One that said we’ll talk about his later.

“Anyway,” Mikey said, “This is my best friend Frank Anthony Iero.”

Frank bowed, took of his hat and put it to his chest, and then kissed my hand, “Au chante monsieur.”

Frank straightened and looked me in my eyes and I suddenly get a déjà vu of the feeling from earlier. The one where nirvana and euphoria combined to drape me with the universe. It’s like that but a million times better.

“Mikey.” Frank said, “I take back what I said earlier it appears you’re not the only who’s going to kill Jeremiah.”

Notes

I am updating tommorow as well since I'm not in school. I thought I was very clever with this! Not to mention I felt like leaving you all in suspense till the end of this chapter! I should be a super villian.
Song of the Chapter: First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes