The Human Stain

The next few days I spent hour upon hour pouring over how a vampire should act. I only knew a small amount from my life at the Greivence’s but I never knew there was so much to their lives. They even have a different speech pattern! I learned how to sit, talk, dress, act, eat; I have to relearn everything I’ve ever taught myself and some days I don’t feel like it’s worth it. Mikey is very patient with me though and he realizes my struggles of trying to understand vampire society given that I’m still struggling to accept that I am one.

I have gone my whole life believe that I was a human. Just a human that is meant to be born, serve, breed, and die. I’ve known nothing else! How am I supposed to suddenly accept this life altering information. For the longest time I assumed I was meaningless and that I was only good for cleaning silver, and lets be honest I wasn’t even very good at that. I can’t just accept that I am suddenly going to have a full life of adventure, luxury…love possibly.

No I can’t think about that right now! It’s too dangerous! I can’t stand to think of someone touching me or even courting me. I subconsciously touch my back lightly. The only good thing about being a vampire is that we have a quicker healing factor, which honestly explains quite a lot. Because I would always get hurt working at the Grievence’s and the smaller wounds would always be healed in a few hours and the larger ones a couple of days. That doesn’t mean that I am not covered in scars though. These scars are the worst I’ve ever had. Mountain ranges of scar tissue marks my back like a northern landscape, except there is not beauty in this only ugliness.

I turn back to the book on vampire etiquette I’m reading and sigh at all the diagrams and words. Who gives a damn about tea anyway. I sure don’t it tastes disgusting. I turn the page and blush all the way from the hair on my head to my toes. There was a diagram of torture etiquette. The dom was torturing a human and the fertile was tied to a chair and staring lustfully at the dom. I knew I shouldn’t feel aroused at such a picture I mean that human could’ve been me, or well when I was considered a human, but now…ugh! It was all so confusing.

Suddenly I thought about the party that was tomorrow. What am I going to do. Practically everyone there saw me get beaten. What are they going to do when the disobedient human shows up and is actually a fertile! Just then Mikey comes into the room and sees me panicking.
“Gerard what’s wrong?” Mikey asks rubbing circles on my back in an attempt to sooth me.
“I just…” I took a deep breath in an attempt to clear my head and try and make sense, “What are we going to do about tomorrow. All those people saw me get beaten and they’re going to wonder why a human is among them!”

“I know Gerard. I given it some thought and seeing as the next party is hosted here I just figured I would announce you as my brother and explain about halfway through the party, so maybe they’ll be drunk enough to be reasonable.” He says decidedly.

“You mean they wouldn’t be reasonable otherwise…” I say nervously playing with the ribbon on my dress.

“They would Gerard but it’s just easier this was.” He reassures me, “You’re going to be alright.” “How are your studies?”

“They’re going along fine. It’s just a lot to take in in such a short period.”

“I understand completely.” He says, “I’m going to have some coffee, how about you take a break and we can chat a bit more.” He smiles and offers his hand to pull me up.

“Sure!” I say and significantly brighten at the thought of coffee. It’s practically the only thing that still makes sense in this crazy world.

Mikey and I chat for a while mostly about meaningless things and the occasional serious topic, most of those are from the years I was missing. The day winds away and the sun gives over the sky to the moon and Mikey and I both retire to our rooms. I didn’t realize how tired I was until my head hit the pillow and I instantly drifted off into my own dreamland.

The next day is a blur of dresses, rules, books, makeup, and other necessities for the party. I’m thrown into one fitting after another trying to find the perfect gown for tonight. Finally I decide on a wine and black colored gown that is relatively plain compared to the rest or the gowns there will be tonight. The front has a visible corset with red laces and there are slight ruffles on top of it. It has a high back and sleeves that cover my shoulders. There is a red covering over the black undercoat of the dress that has red ruffles on the front and back. I put it on and never wanted to take it off.

A servant who I found out was named Natasha helps me do my make up and hair for the party and all to soon I’m finished. I am forced to wait in my room with Andrew while the dance goes on downstairs in the ballroom. Mikey said he would come up and escort me downstairs when it was time. My hands shake and I pick at the intricate design on the lace gloves I’m wearing along with the dress. I can’t help being nervous. What if everyone hates me once they recognize me. What if despite what Mikey says they don’t accept me. What if…I need to distract myself. I hum quietly a song I had heard some street musicians playing once. It was an old sailor’s tune, but I honestly didn’t care.

I hear a knock on the door and I rise off the bed, smooth out my dress, and answer it.

“Ready?” Mikey asks and I nod giving him a nervous smile.

“You’ll be fine.” He says taking my hand and leading me down the stairs into the unknown.

Notes

I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. I see a lot of fics where either Gerard of Frank grow up human or as servants and they find out they're Fertile and it's like BAM Okay everything is fixed. I wanted Gerard to actually struggle with the idea and be conflicted about it. Hence The Human Stain.
Anyway this is Gerard's dress!
Song of the Chapter: The Only Moment We Were Alone by Explosions in the Sky