Love Me Dead

I struggled for days to accept the dream that I had had. I didn’t really know what brought it on, but I was struggling to hide from myself what was going on. It’s something I couldn’t deny any longer.

Over the following month, I still saw Gerard, Mikey and Frank. I really liked spending time with them all, but I think they could tell I wasn’t my usual self with them. Gerard had tried asking me countless time what was bugging me… but if I were to tell him, it would just ruin this good friendship we had. I know it would.

I had tried spending time with my other friends, but I knew they were getting fed up with my ways. Delilah stopped meeting me outside the school at the beginning of the day. Suzanne started spending more time with her friends on the cheer squad, and Tom didn’t appear interested in me anymore, having now found someone who returned his feelings.

I couldn’t say I was surprised. After sleeping with Gerard after Harry’s accident, I had no chance of a proper social life at this school. It’s like my life now entirely revolves around my Art teacher and his friends… But who could blame me? The connection between my family and the Way’s was too large to simply sweep under the rug. Surely, it’s natural for me to want to spend time with these people, right?

It was a regular Wednesday in February that things changed. I walked to school as normal, and wasn’t surprised when I didn’t see Delilah waiting for me, and I went inside to my first class just thinking it was going to be another day that dragged. That is until I went to my art class.

It was the class just after lunch, so I arrived a few minutes early, as always, to talk to Gerard. I walked through the door with a smile but stopped in my tracks when I saw Mrs Walsh, the head of the art department, sat at Gerard’s desk. She saw me and smiled, putting down her coffee, “Hello, Sam. How are you today?”

I forced a smile, “I’m good… Where’s Ge-… Where’s Mr Way?” I tried to ask nonchalantly.

Mrs Walsh’s smile widened, “Mr Way has decided to take a leave of absence. I’ll be teaching his class until he returns.”

My eyebrows furrowed. [i]He hadn’t said anything to me about that.[/i] “A leave of absence?”

Mrs Walsh nodded, “Yes. He called here before school started. Very last minute which isn’t very professional of him, but apparently something has come up. He didn’t even mention when he would be back… That man is very rude.”

It was no secret what people thought of Gerard. The students were afraid of him, and the teachers only put up with him because during his time of teaching at the school, his classes always had the highest grades. But they didn’t know Gerard like I did. If people actually bothered to know him, they would see what a wonderful and kind person he really was.

“I see… Excuse me while I use the bathroom.” I left quickly, making my way to the exit of the school. I had to see Gerard. We had spoken only yesterday, yet neither he, nor Mikey or Frank mentioned anything about him having time off from teaching. [i]What happened?[/i]

It took me about twenty minutes before I was near Gerard’s house. I could see the three of them putting things into a car and my heart started beating faster. I had a terrible feeling something awful had happened.

“Sam, hi! How are you?” Mikey greeted me with a hug after he had put a small suitcase into the back of Frank’s car, “Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” He smirked, “Gerard should be coming out in just a sec,” he could sense I wasn’t here to make small talk.

Just as Gerard came out of the house with another small suitcase, Mikey smiled at me and left to go back inside. Gerard’s face lit up when he saw me. He threw the case into the car and engulfed me in a hug, “Hey Samantha.” He whispered into my hair, “Why aren’t you at school?” He asked as he pulled away.

My heart was still beating fast, “Mrs Walsh is teaching your class. She said you’re not teaching right now, and I got worried I guess.” I shrugged it off like it was nothing.

“Right. Yes! I was going to call you once you got out of class… I’m – well, myself, Frank and Mikey are going away for a while… Very last minute decision. In fact, we decided on this at 5am this morning.” He chuckled.

I felt myself relax instantly, though my heart was still beating fast, “You’re going away?” He nodded, “That’s great… Where are you going? How long are you going away for?”

I don’t think Gerard sensed how nervous I was feeling right now. If he did, he chose to ignore it, “I don’t know… The guys convinced me to take a break. Now I’ve come to terms with stuff and relaxed a little… I really don’t know where we’re going, but I know we’re staying in the country. Mikey and I have family in Wisconsin, so we might go there for a while… As for how long,” He shook his head, “Could be a while. Maybe only a couple of weeks, but maybe until after Spring break. We’ll see.” He smiled.

Gerard looked so happy, and excited for whatever adventure he was about to go on. I felt selfish; I wanted him to stay here so we could hang out. I wanted him to stay here in the hopes that our friendship could lead to something more. If he wanted to go away, then I wanted to go with him.

“Gerard, we’re all set. You ready to go?” Frank waved to me as he and Mikey got into the car.

My teacher looked at me for a moment, looking as if he wanted to say more but didn’t, “I guess I better go.” He held me tight in his arms again for a moment, “I’ll probably call you anyway… Are you okay?” His voice sounded so concerned. I felt tense and my face was probably difficult to read, “What’s wrong?”

I couldn’t stop the words even if I wanted to. I had admitted my feelings to myself and now it was going to come out to Gerard himself, “I love you.”

After seeing the shock written on Gerard’s face, I wanted to take my words back. I had started to convince myself that he would feel the same, but clearly that wasn’t the case, “W-what?” When no words could come from my mouth, he stepped back and ran a hand through his hair, his eyes never leaving mine.

Frank stuck his head out of the window, “Gerard, let’s go!” Gerard blinked then turned away, getting into the back of the car, leaving me standing there speechless as the car drove away.

Notes

I'M SO SORRY!!
Please forgive me!
Combination of essay deadlines, Christmas and writer's block.
I can't promise updates will be more frequent, but I will try my best.
Thank you for sticking with this!