Love Me Dead
Fifteen
What was I even meant to do now? I was seventeen! I wasn’t ready to have a baby yet, and I sure as hell did not want its father to be my art teacher… Oh god, how was he even going to take this? He hadn’t said anything in five minutes, and I was too scared to say the first thing.
But I decided that I needed to leave. I had some decisions to make, maybe browse some advice columns online. Even though Gerard was a part of this, whatever will happen will be my decision, not his.
I took the test back from his hands and proceeded to leave the boys bathroom when his voice stopped me, “Look, Samantha –“
I cut him off before he had a chance to say something cruel and hateful, “No. Don’t say anything to me, Gerard! Isn’t this what you really wanted, anyway?” Tears fell from my eyes again. Why do I always cry? “Clearly, it was your goal to ruin my life, well guess what? You have! Congratulations.” I turned away and ran before he had a chance to stop me.
.
The next day before leaving for school, I made an appointment with my doctor; I needed to know from him if I was really pregnant. Of course, I hadn’t told my parents, not that they ever really talked to me these days anyway. Something about Gerard had really freaked them out, and now they were avoiding me… What did it even have to do with me? I needed to know, but knowing that I was carrying his child was probably going to make it a lot more difficult – mainly because I couldn’t stand the sight of him right now.
I set off for school, drilling into my brain that my appointment was for five this afternoon. I felt a little relieved knowing that I didn’t have to wait long for an appointment; I don’t know if I could have handled it if I had to wait longer than a few hours.
When I arrived at school, Delilah was waiting for me – something she had never done before, but greeted me happily with a hug, “Hey Sam! Are you okay? I haven’t really seen you since Christmas break… You seemed really off yesterday, is everything okay?” She was worried, of course. Delilah and I had grown really close since I started here, so it only made sense that she worried about me.
I vowed to myself that I would act like my normal self today, and forced a smile, “Everything’s fine… It’s just with Harry… Still kinda worried about him, but Olivia tells me he’s doing a lot better now and he’s at home now.” I wasn’t technically lying. Harry was at home, and he was doing a lot better… But that happened last week, and it was something I’d only mentioned now.
Delilah sighed with relief, “Oh good. I’m glad. I’ve missed you, Sam. You, me, Tom and Suzanne need to have a serious catch up! Wanna come over to mine at the weekend? Watch some movies, get some Chinese?” I nodded, genuinely feeling a bit better, “Awesome! We better get moving; we have our favorite class!” She said sarcastically, which reminded me that art was first period, and my sour mood returned.
The class went painfully slow. To the other students, it probably seemed like any normal art class – or as normal as it could be with Mr. Way as their teacher – but it was hard to concentrate when he constantly glared at me. At times, he also stared at my stomach and whenever he did, I rolled my eyes. There’s nothing there yet!
When the class finally ended, I got my stuff together and almost sprinted from the room. I could hear Gerard calling after me, but I ignored him. I didn’t want to talk to him today. I just wanted today to be a good day, where I can be happy with my friends.
Delilah caught up with me, “Sam! You know Mr. Way wanted to talk to you, right?” I nodded, “Shit… You’re gonna get in so much trouble with him when he next sees you.” She laughed, and I tried to laugh – I was already in a lot of trouble with him, I’m sure a detention or two would do me no more harm.
The rest of the day went by as smoothly as it possibly could. I had no problems in any of my classes, so I knew that Gerard wasn’t desperate to talk to me, and I had so much fun at lunch. I actually laughed with my friends, who were all happy to see that I was happy, and we even talked about staying at Delilah’s that weekend. It felt as if I had never even met Gerard, and I felt like a normal person again.
Well, I did, until the end of the day, where I was forced to face reality. I said goodbye to my friends and headed off to catch the nearest bus, which of course was packed with school kids. I told the driver my destination, paid my fare, and patiently waited for my stop.
By the time I made it to the waiting room, I still had a half hour to kill before my appointment. It gave me time to think about my current situation. I began thinking about what it would be like to have a child at my age. As caring as I was, and I knew that I would make a good mother, it just wasn’t an option to have a child now. There were still so many things I wanted to do; I wanted to graduate high school, go to college, go travelling. I never planned on having children before the age of 25, and in an ideal situation, I would have a career, a home of my own, and a significant other to help me raise the child. That was the complete opposite to what I was going through now.
This would probably mean not graduating high school, unless I could hide my pregnancy from everyone until then. Would I be showing that much by then? College was definitely out of the question, my parents would probably kick me out, Gerard would go to prison, and my child would have no father, and I wouldn’t have the means to support it.
Even if the fact that Gerard was the father could remain a secret, there was no way he would support me. The guy hated me, probably even more so now this has happened. With that aside, he was hardly a people person. He was hated by his students, and he in turn hated them. Why was he even a teacher? So with that fact, he would probably be awful with children. With his temper, I wouldn’t think that my child was safe with him…
But then, I started thinking down another route. Is there a chance he could change? It seemed unlikely, but what if he could? He’s seems to have been so angry about something for so long, perhaps a child would help him to calm down. He might want to take responsibility as a father. No matter how much he hated me, would he really neglect his own flesh and blood?
“Miss Phillips, we’re ready for you now.” I stood up and followed my doctor in to his room, and I sat down in the seat opposite him, “Okay, Sam, what seems to be the problem?”
Oddly, I began to shake and felt really warm, but I didn’t hesitate, “I’m pregnant.” His eyes widened, but he signaled for me to continue, “I took a test yesterday which came back positive…”
The doctor nodded, “Okay. What I can do for you is a simple blood test. Not only will this give you confirmation on your pregnancy, but it will also indicate how far along you are, and from there we can arrange your first scan. How does that sound?” I just nodded, “Okay good, now this will be covered by your parents’ insurance – “
I cut him off quickly, “No… I – they can’t know about this. Not until I know for sure. I will pay for this myself, if that’s possible.” He stared at me before understanding and nodding.
.
After the blood test was completed, he put a band aid on the wound before asking me to give him a contact number. I gave him my cell, “Very good, Sam. You should hear back from us by tomorrow afternoon, but please allow up to three days for the results. If you haven’t heard from us after three days, please contact us.” I nodded and left, praying.
But I decided that I needed to leave. I had some decisions to make, maybe browse some advice columns online. Even though Gerard was a part of this, whatever will happen will be my decision, not his.
I took the test back from his hands and proceeded to leave the boys bathroom when his voice stopped me, “Look, Samantha –“
I cut him off before he had a chance to say something cruel and hateful, “No. Don’t say anything to me, Gerard! Isn’t this what you really wanted, anyway?” Tears fell from my eyes again. Why do I always cry? “Clearly, it was your goal to ruin my life, well guess what? You have! Congratulations.” I turned away and ran before he had a chance to stop me.
.
The next day before leaving for school, I made an appointment with my doctor; I needed to know from him if I was really pregnant. Of course, I hadn’t told my parents, not that they ever really talked to me these days anyway. Something about Gerard had really freaked them out, and now they were avoiding me… What did it even have to do with me? I needed to know, but knowing that I was carrying his child was probably going to make it a lot more difficult – mainly because I couldn’t stand the sight of him right now.
I set off for school, drilling into my brain that my appointment was for five this afternoon. I felt a little relieved knowing that I didn’t have to wait long for an appointment; I don’t know if I could have handled it if I had to wait longer than a few hours.
When I arrived at school, Delilah was waiting for me – something she had never done before, but greeted me happily with a hug, “Hey Sam! Are you okay? I haven’t really seen you since Christmas break… You seemed really off yesterday, is everything okay?” She was worried, of course. Delilah and I had grown really close since I started here, so it only made sense that she worried about me.
I vowed to myself that I would act like my normal self today, and forced a smile, “Everything’s fine… It’s just with Harry… Still kinda worried about him, but Olivia tells me he’s doing a lot better now and he’s at home now.” I wasn’t technically lying. Harry was at home, and he was doing a lot better… But that happened last week, and it was something I’d only mentioned now.
Delilah sighed with relief, “Oh good. I’m glad. I’ve missed you, Sam. You, me, Tom and Suzanne need to have a serious catch up! Wanna come over to mine at the weekend? Watch some movies, get some Chinese?” I nodded, genuinely feeling a bit better, “Awesome! We better get moving; we have our favorite class!” She said sarcastically, which reminded me that art was first period, and my sour mood returned.
The class went painfully slow. To the other students, it probably seemed like any normal art class – or as normal as it could be with Mr. Way as their teacher – but it was hard to concentrate when he constantly glared at me. At times, he also stared at my stomach and whenever he did, I rolled my eyes. There’s nothing there yet!
When the class finally ended, I got my stuff together and almost sprinted from the room. I could hear Gerard calling after me, but I ignored him. I didn’t want to talk to him today. I just wanted today to be a good day, where I can be happy with my friends.
Delilah caught up with me, “Sam! You know Mr. Way wanted to talk to you, right?” I nodded, “Shit… You’re gonna get in so much trouble with him when he next sees you.” She laughed, and I tried to laugh – I was already in a lot of trouble with him, I’m sure a detention or two would do me no more harm.
The rest of the day went by as smoothly as it possibly could. I had no problems in any of my classes, so I knew that Gerard wasn’t desperate to talk to me, and I had so much fun at lunch. I actually laughed with my friends, who were all happy to see that I was happy, and we even talked about staying at Delilah’s that weekend. It felt as if I had never even met Gerard, and I felt like a normal person again.
Well, I did, until the end of the day, where I was forced to face reality. I said goodbye to my friends and headed off to catch the nearest bus, which of course was packed with school kids. I told the driver my destination, paid my fare, and patiently waited for my stop.
By the time I made it to the waiting room, I still had a half hour to kill before my appointment. It gave me time to think about my current situation. I began thinking about what it would be like to have a child at my age. As caring as I was, and I knew that I would make a good mother, it just wasn’t an option to have a child now. There were still so many things I wanted to do; I wanted to graduate high school, go to college, go travelling. I never planned on having children before the age of 25, and in an ideal situation, I would have a career, a home of my own, and a significant other to help me raise the child. That was the complete opposite to what I was going through now.
This would probably mean not graduating high school, unless I could hide my pregnancy from everyone until then. Would I be showing that much by then? College was definitely out of the question, my parents would probably kick me out, Gerard would go to prison, and my child would have no father, and I wouldn’t have the means to support it.
Even if the fact that Gerard was the father could remain a secret, there was no way he would support me. The guy hated me, probably even more so now this has happened. With that aside, he was hardly a people person. He was hated by his students, and he in turn hated them. Why was he even a teacher? So with that fact, he would probably be awful with children. With his temper, I wouldn’t think that my child was safe with him…
But then, I started thinking down another route. Is there a chance he could change? It seemed unlikely, but what if he could? He’s seems to have been so angry about something for so long, perhaps a child would help him to calm down. He might want to take responsibility as a father. No matter how much he hated me, would he really neglect his own flesh and blood?
“Miss Phillips, we’re ready for you now.” I stood up and followed my doctor in to his room, and I sat down in the seat opposite him, “Okay, Sam, what seems to be the problem?”
Oddly, I began to shake and felt really warm, but I didn’t hesitate, “I’m pregnant.” His eyes widened, but he signaled for me to continue, “I took a test yesterday which came back positive…”
The doctor nodded, “Okay. What I can do for you is a simple blood test. Not only will this give you confirmation on your pregnancy, but it will also indicate how far along you are, and from there we can arrange your first scan. How does that sound?” I just nodded, “Okay good, now this will be covered by your parents’ insurance – “
I cut him off quickly, “No… I – they can’t know about this. Not until I know for sure. I will pay for this myself, if that’s possible.” He stared at me before understanding and nodding.
.
After the blood test was completed, he put a band aid on the wound before asking me to give him a contact number. I gave him my cell, “Very good, Sam. You should hear back from us by tomorrow afternoon, but please allow up to three days for the results. If you haven’t heard from us after three days, please contact us.” I nodded and left, praying.
Ive missed you so much Luna Rey (´∀｀)♡
11/27/14