Love Me Dead
Fourteen
Walking to my next class, my mind was still clouded with terrifying thoughts. How could I have let this happen? How could I have been so stupid?
Tears threatened to spill from my eyes, and I tried to keep it all in, but a single tear fell… And the rest followed. Luckily, only a few students hadn’t gone to class yet, so nobody noticed me. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I was only seventeen years old, this couldn’t happen yet!
I stood outside my classroom, the door closed, with my hand hovered over the door handle, wondering whether I should even go in. I wouldn’t pay attention, and my teacher would most likely keep me behind to ask me what was wrong… And I needed to find out for myself first if I was actually pregnant – though I have never been ‘late’ before.
I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply, my breath shaky. I wiped away the remaining tears and set off toward the nearest door that would take me away from the school, other than the entrance. The last thing I wanted was for teachers to find out my problems.
When I was outside, and no one was about, I walked quickly away from the school. I started walking in the opposite direction to where I live, as I didn’t want to risk anyone I knew seeing me skip school. It wasn’t long before I saw a cab driving towards me, with no passengers. I waved my hands about and the cab stopped beside me, and I climbed in the back, “Where can I take you?” the driver asked politely.
“Walmart, please.”
The short drive was mostly silent, except for the quite music playing – some soothing jazz. I think the driver may have seen my puffy eyes and therefore didn’t attempt to make conversation with me, which I didn’t mind.
“Excuse me, we’re here.” The deep voice of the driver shook me from any daydream I was experiencing. I thanked the driver and paid the fare, and entered the store. Now what?
I wasn’t sure where the pregnancy tests were in this store. Why would I? I’ve never needed one. I tried to delay time by browsing other aisles, though I didn’t care about anything that they were selling… But I eventually stumbled upon the baby section of the store, and my heart began to thump hard again.
When I found the pregnancy tests, I just stared at them. I didn’t know which one to pick; there were three different brands. I couldn’t even bring myself to pick one up. I looked around at the people nearby and focused on one woman standing alone on her cell. I waited impatiently for her to finish her call before picking up a test and nervously making my way over to her, and tapping her on the shoulder.
The blonde woman, who looked like she was in her mid-thirties, looked confused and said, “Yes?”
My hands were shaking by this point. I held out the test and said, “I will give you $20 if you buy this for me.” The woman stared at me with obvious disappointment; why wouldn’t she? I was just a kid. But I think she could sense my panic and fear, and her disappointment eased. She nodded and took the test from me.
I gave her $30 - $10 for the test – and waited for her near the store’s exit. I knew she had her own shopping to do, so ended up waiting for almost a half hour before I finally saw her again. She handed me a small bag with the test in… and $20.
“I don’t want your money, dear. I just hope the outcome is what you want it to be.” And she left.
.
I got back to school when the day was already over. Everywhere was empty. I wish I could have just gone home, too… But I couldn’t risk my parents seeing me with a pregnancy test. I needed to do it here, and throw it away.
I walked quickly down the empty hallway on my way to the nearest bathroom. I slowed down when I heard footsteps from around the corner, and I held the test tightly against my chest inside my jacket.
Just then, Gerard came around the corner and, of course, he saw me, “Samantha,” he said, the hate back in his voice. I took a deep breath and decided to ignore him for now. I just wanted to get this test done, on my own, first before even involving him, if I needed.
I tried to march past him but he grabbed my arm, “Let go of me!” I yelled, trying to pull away.
He shook his head, “I need to talk to you, Samantha.” I cringed at my own name; I’ve hated it for as long as I could remember. I kept trying to pull away and finally managed to do it… But dropped the test in the process.
Before I could pick it up, Gerard had taken it, and he studied it closely. He glared at me, though I could see he was panicking just as much as I was. He grabbed my arms again and shook me, “What the fuck is this, Samantha? What the fuck are you doing with it?”
“Let go of me, you’re hurting me,” I whispered, tears spilling down my cheeks again.
“Don’t fucking cry, shit! Why are you so fuckin’ annoying?... Come with me.” Gerard dragged me to the nearest bathroom, which wasn’t a girl’s bathroom, and pushed me into a cubicle, “Take that fucking test.” When I didn’t make an attempt to close the cubicle door, he impatiently asked, “What’s your problem?”
What was my problem? What was his? “I’m not gonna be able to do this with you here.” Gerard stared at me blankly for a moment before rolling his eyes and went to stand outside the bathroom, leaving me in some sort of peace.
After I took the test, I washed my hands and did a little bit of tidying in the disgusting boy’s bathroom… Anything to take my mind off the horrible three minute wait.
When the time had passed, I picked up the test and I stopped breathing. Gerard, who had clearly became far too impatient, stormed back in, “Is it done –“ he stopped when he saw the test in my hands. When I didn’t say anything, he carefully took the test from my hands and looked at the result, then back at me, our eyes telling each other that we were both in serious trouble.
Tears threatened to spill from my eyes, and I tried to keep it all in, but a single tear fell… And the rest followed. Luckily, only a few students hadn’t gone to class yet, so nobody noticed me. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I was only seventeen years old, this couldn’t happen yet!
I stood outside my classroom, the door closed, with my hand hovered over the door handle, wondering whether I should even go in. I wouldn’t pay attention, and my teacher would most likely keep me behind to ask me what was wrong… And I needed to find out for myself first if I was actually pregnant – though I have never been ‘late’ before.
I closed my eyes and exhaled deeply, my breath shaky. I wiped away the remaining tears and set off toward the nearest door that would take me away from the school, other than the entrance. The last thing I wanted was for teachers to find out my problems.
When I was outside, and no one was about, I walked quickly away from the school. I started walking in the opposite direction to where I live, as I didn’t want to risk anyone I knew seeing me skip school. It wasn’t long before I saw a cab driving towards me, with no passengers. I waved my hands about and the cab stopped beside me, and I climbed in the back, “Where can I take you?” the driver asked politely.
“Walmart, please.”
The short drive was mostly silent, except for the quite music playing – some soothing jazz. I think the driver may have seen my puffy eyes and therefore didn’t attempt to make conversation with me, which I didn’t mind.
“Excuse me, we’re here.” The deep voice of the driver shook me from any daydream I was experiencing. I thanked the driver and paid the fare, and entered the store. Now what?
I wasn’t sure where the pregnancy tests were in this store. Why would I? I’ve never needed one. I tried to delay time by browsing other aisles, though I didn’t care about anything that they were selling… But I eventually stumbled upon the baby section of the store, and my heart began to thump hard again.
When I found the pregnancy tests, I just stared at them. I didn’t know which one to pick; there were three different brands. I couldn’t even bring myself to pick one up. I looked around at the people nearby and focused on one woman standing alone on her cell. I waited impatiently for her to finish her call before picking up a test and nervously making my way over to her, and tapping her on the shoulder.
The blonde woman, who looked like she was in her mid-thirties, looked confused and said, “Yes?”
My hands were shaking by this point. I held out the test and said, “I will give you $20 if you buy this for me.” The woman stared at me with obvious disappointment; why wouldn’t she? I was just a kid. But I think she could sense my panic and fear, and her disappointment eased. She nodded and took the test from me.
I gave her $30 - $10 for the test – and waited for her near the store’s exit. I knew she had her own shopping to do, so ended up waiting for almost a half hour before I finally saw her again. She handed me a small bag with the test in… and $20.
“I don’t want your money, dear. I just hope the outcome is what you want it to be.” And she left.
.
I got back to school when the day was already over. Everywhere was empty. I wish I could have just gone home, too… But I couldn’t risk my parents seeing me with a pregnancy test. I needed to do it here, and throw it away.
I walked quickly down the empty hallway on my way to the nearest bathroom. I slowed down when I heard footsteps from around the corner, and I held the test tightly against my chest inside my jacket.
Just then, Gerard came around the corner and, of course, he saw me, “Samantha,” he said, the hate back in his voice. I took a deep breath and decided to ignore him for now. I just wanted to get this test done, on my own, first before even involving him, if I needed.
I tried to march past him but he grabbed my arm, “Let go of me!” I yelled, trying to pull away.
He shook his head, “I need to talk to you, Samantha.” I cringed at my own name; I’ve hated it for as long as I could remember. I kept trying to pull away and finally managed to do it… But dropped the test in the process.
Before I could pick it up, Gerard had taken it, and he studied it closely. He glared at me, though I could see he was panicking just as much as I was. He grabbed my arms again and shook me, “What the fuck is this, Samantha? What the fuck are you doing with it?”
“Let go of me, you’re hurting me,” I whispered, tears spilling down my cheeks again.
“Don’t fucking cry, shit! Why are you so fuckin’ annoying?... Come with me.” Gerard dragged me to the nearest bathroom, which wasn’t a girl’s bathroom, and pushed me into a cubicle, “Take that fucking test.” When I didn’t make an attempt to close the cubicle door, he impatiently asked, “What’s your problem?”
What was my problem? What was his? “I’m not gonna be able to do this with you here.” Gerard stared at me blankly for a moment before rolling his eyes and went to stand outside the bathroom, leaving me in some sort of peace.
After I took the test, I washed my hands and did a little bit of tidying in the disgusting boy’s bathroom… Anything to take my mind off the horrible three minute wait.
When the time had passed, I picked up the test and I stopped breathing. Gerard, who had clearly became far too impatient, stormed back in, “Is it done –“ he stopped when he saw the test in my hands. When I didn’t say anything, he carefully took the test from my hands and looked at the result, then back at me, our eyes telling each other that we were both in serious trouble.
Ive missed you so much Luna Rey (´∀｀)♡
11/27/14