The Only Hope For Me Is...

The next day, we play three songs pretty smoothly.i was bored as usual waiting for something.anything,really. then gerard tells me we're gonna play prison. fuck yeah! time to shine, and shine fucking bright.

gerard goes up to the mic and does his usual homophobic shit. " awww shit. they say detroit is one of the toughest cities in the world, but today, detroit, the girls have been tougher than the boys. and i know i'm pretty, but i aint that fuckin' pretty. boys let me hear what you got! one more time boys, let me hear what the fuck you got! alright now, you a bunch of animals. now its time we start acting like animals. boys, this song is just for you, but you need to do one thing for me. i want you to take your fucking shirt off, just the boys, and swing it over your head. i dont care if your a size 32 or a size 48 or a size 64. holy shit, pull out, pull out with those bullshit camera's. i think we're about to turn this mothafucka round."
the crowd goes nuts from a bunch of teenage guys. god this is funny.

i must be on autopilot because next thing you know i hear gerard say " turn ray toro up as loud as you can!" fuck, that's me. i can hear my speakers going louder and i start to play the solo. crowd goes ballistic, and then it's over.

gerard compliments the crowd and then that fucker surprises me.

" does anyone want to know a secret? it's about ray!!!" what the fuck does he know? i literally stay out of everything the band does. only thing i've done is... oh no

" RAY HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!!!! " noooo. gerard starts telling the crowd about christa and yesterday, and i hope she's not here.

"is there a christa in the audience?" "here she is!!!" oh, well fuck mee. i see a blonde chick holding her friends arm up, and that friend happened to be christa blushing hard like a tomato.

"well, christa, ray told us so much about you. he said he wants to marry you and have kids and start a life together and die holding you and a bunch of other stuff. he even dedicated this song to you!"

gerard goes up to the guys and starts saying demolition lovers. i will murder erard. frank and mikey look at me grinning, they fucking knew he was gonna do this! i can't even think straight, let alone play.

" demolition lovers " "FUCK OFF." "what's wrong with you?" he stares as though he didn't even do anything, so i slap him hard. i can hear the crowd go silent, and the guys just watch with terrified eyes. i never get angry, i never hit gerard, and i especially don't do what i do next.

gerard looks pissed off so he starts pushing me. i tackle him down and start throwing punches. i don't actually want to hurt him, i just need revenge. we roll around on the ground until mikey and frank pull me off of him.i notice i gave him a black eye, and he gave me a bloody lip.

we look at the audience, and i see christa left. gerard didn't give a shit, so i just go off onto the farthest part of the stage and start playing. he acts as though we never fought and tries to work the crowd.

"i'm such a fucking idiot. how the hell can i do this? i need to talk to christa. who am i kidding?! she's not gonna talk to a piece of shit like me."

we end the show and i ran to the bus. i couldn't even walk that well and just crash behind the bus. i'm on the floor for a good 5 minutes, staring at the lot crying. i sit up and just breathe. i don't want bad thoughts right now, so i can pretty much hear everything. like the girl coming towards the bus.

"christa?! what are you-" "can i?" she points to the ground so i nod. she sits next to me so that there's no space between us. we stay silent for a long time, and then she says " when are you gonna teach me lead?"

this threw me off, considering what happened today. "today's our last show. ill fly to where you live and we can start." "cool."

we sit quiet for a little while longer than i ask her "aren't you upset about today?" she looks forward, then at me for what felt like forever. that's the thing with her. she seemed to know everything about me, and we just met yesterday.

"no. he was joking, and the only reason i got upset was because my friend was trying to embarrass me. and then she had the nerve to drag me away when you two started fighting! i was rooting for you toro!!!"

we both laugh and just watch each other. god she is beautiful. i want to be with her, just like gerard described it. it's too much, but there's something about her. the way she can just figure out who i am by seeing me, not through me. is this too much?

"you want to know what lyric is going through my head right now, ray?"
"what?"
" sick minds stick together, we can stay sick forever. have you heard that song?" everytime she talks to me, she gets closer and quieter. "no, can't say i have."

"you should give it a listen. i'll text it to you. gotta go, byeeee"

she gets up and starts to walk away, and she sorta leaves me frustrated. we were so close to kissing, i could feel her lips on mine! she's such a tease...

i stare straight ahead and just think about what happened. fuck,i think i like her, like alot. i head onto the bus and the guys start to talk trash about the fight.

"jesus toro, what was the slap for anyway? i was trying to get you laid!" gerard gives me a sly smile, and i just shrug it off. i get a text and see that it's from christa!


C: song is cynics and critics by icon for hire. it's my band, so come and check us out! ill send you directions later

xoxo c

Notes

trying to update as much as possible. comment on what you think christa's "identity" should be!