Married In My Mind

I quickly made my way down the hall, a stack of tattered notebooks under my arm. It was normal for me to be late to band practice but this was different. I was late with a capital L. Late.
I had stayed up most of the night writing new material and I couldn't wait to show the band. I had overslept by about 2 hours but once they got the chance to look over the new lyrics I knew they'd forget all about it.
I burst through the door to find the room silent and mostly empty. Mikey sat on a chair in the corner looking at his phone.
"I was wondering when you were gonna show up." He said. "Jesus christ, Gerard."
"Mikes, where the fuck is everyone? I was up all night writing. I have so many song ideas I need to show you." I flipped open to my crowning achievement and set it on top of a stack of instrument cases and motioned for Mikey to come closer. The lyrics had hit me suddenly yesterday afternoon and I had kept writing and writing until I felt completely drained. Now that I was actually in the studio I was anxious to put music to the words. M got up slowly and sauntered across the room, but crossed his arms and looked at me intently instead of staring at the page.
"Gerard... when was the last time you checked the internet? Or you know, your phone?"
"I guess uh... probably yesterday morning? I think my phone died then. Why, what's going on? Seriously. Where is everyone? Why aren't you excited about this?"

"Gerard. Listen... uh,"
I swallowed hard. The look on my brother's face sent my heart pounding.
"Uh... so our fans kind of stumbled across your uh... writing." he mumbled.
No. No. Nonononononono.
"Your... fanfiction?" He raised his eyebrows, waiting for his words to sink in.
"Oh." Was all I could say.
"At first I thought it was just typical rumors... but there's some pretty convincing evidence. And well... looks you're not denying it." A grin spread across his lips.
"Fuck." I whispered.
"Frank read some of it and he’s pissed. Or maybe just confused? I’m not sure. You know how he is."
"Yeah…. Yeah." I mumbled pathetically. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. "What about Bob and Ray?"

"They wanted you to know they're grateful you didn't write very much about them." He chuckled but stopped when he saw the look of horror on my face. "Don’t worry. They're not mad at you. I suggested everyone go home and take a few days off so you and me can work on damage control. They said they're not gonna answer any questions."
"Damage control?" I breathed.
"Yeah. Alternative Press has already called me twice looking for comments from the band. And Brian’s been trying to call you all day."

It was bad enough that Frank knew about this, but the whole fanbase? Alternative Press? This was music news. MTV, Fuse, Kerrang!.... a wave of nausea washed over me. I sat in the closest chair.

"Fuck."
"Yeah... 'Fuck' is right..."
"I need to call Frank." I blurted.
"Good luck with that. He's not answering his phone. At least, not when I call. Maybe he’d pick up for you..." He waggled his eyebrows.
"What the fuck am I gonna do?" I groaned.
"I honestly don't know what to tell you, Gee. I love you and I'll help you through this as much as I can but... uh... having your entire fanbase find out that you write sci-fi romance about your guitarist isn't exactly something I have a lot of advice on." he said indifferently. He glanced at me carefully. "But we'll get through this. I promise." A warm smile spread across his lips.
I buried my head in my hands and just focused on breathing in and out. The sinking feeling in my chest kept growing and growing but I was still completely in shock. Where had I miss-stepped? How had anyone found out about this? I thought I had been so careful.

"One question..." Mikey asked lightly, waiting for me to respond.
"Mmmmmmmm." I groaned.
"How much of it is true? I mean, obviously Frank's not a vampire or anything, but like, how long have you felt that way about him? Are you actually in love with him?"
"That's technically two questions..." I pointed out.
"Gerard..." he sighed patiently.
“It’s true. All of it.” I mumbled sadly. “And now I’ve lost my best friend, the love of my life, and our guitarist all at once. What the fuck are we going to do?” My eyes stung with tears. I felt Mikey’s hand gently slide onto my shoulder.
“Shut up, Gerard. He didn’t say he’s leaving the band.” Mikey
“He’s definitely leaving the band.”
“Well…” Mikes paused. “Even if he does we’ll find a new guitarist. Things will be fine no matter what. I promise, dude.”
“How can you be so sure?” I mumbled, fighting against the lump in my throat.
“Because,” he chuckled. “The only person who’s mad about this is Frank. As long as it doesn’t get in the way of our music everyone will forget about this in no time.”
I wanted to point out how wrong he was, but I smiled weakly and nodded.
“Come on, let’s call Brian.”

Notes

hi., hi hjihihihih
hey

let me know what you think~

-m. death