Your eyes are vacant & stained (frerard)

FRANK’S P.O.V
“Look, Gerard! Stop blaming yourself!” I half-shouted, half-spoke.
“But it is my fault! It’s…Everything is my fault,” Gerard replied, glancing at the counter.
“I’m getting sick of this,” I announced. Then, I realised what I just said. I had just said I was getting sick of him putting himself down like he purposely did. I felt awful, the regret steeping in at Gerard’s crestfallen face.
“I’m sorry you’re sick of who I am,” Gerard whispered. “I knew I never was good enough for you,”
And even if it was just the start of the visiting, he stood up, and walked away, and when he looked back, I saw his tears.
I had messed up.
Badly.
- - -
It was the same. Arguing. Gerard saying he wasn’t good enough for me. I hated it; all this prison was doing was knocking down the walls of our relationship. It was murdering me mentally, and I wished I could get out, like NOW. But, I had months and months and months left to go till I was released. I could see Gerard not coping anymore, I could see it. I slumped on the seat, the thin glass in front of Gerard’s face.
“Hi,” Gerard mumbled.
“Hey, butterfly,” I had gotten used to calling him that nickname, it really suited him. He smiled, sadly at me.
“I wish you could just get out of here,” He sighed, loudly.
“Please, please, don’t say it’s your fault. I don’t want to argue with you,” I replied. Gerard remained silent. “I want to get out of here, too.”
“You don’t seem like it,” Gerard spoke in a quiet, shy tone.
“Whoa, really, Gerard? Do I not seem like I want to get out of here? Every-day I tell you I miss you and you think I want to stay here? Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously, honey, sort-” I stopped myself before I said something extremely horrible. I took in the view of Gerard’s horrified face, his damp cheeks. He had a dark shade underneath his eyes, but covered it with red make-up. Even if he didn’t sleep, he still looked perfect. His hair was greasy, but I still thought it looked perfect, too. Anyone, who wasn’t idiotic, could tell he was having horrific nights. You could tell he couldn’t sleep. You could tell he was putting himself down. You could tell he had been drinking alcohol. Something inside me sunk, like a realisation of what I have to do to stop this. It would crush me, but I was the one who was pulling him down.
- - -
I was planning how I was going to do it that night. How was I going to do something – how was I going to give away my everything? I suddenly knew it… I had to go straight to the point, and just tell him. I had too.
- - -
I sat myself down on the seat, Gerard wasn’t there, yet. He arrived halfway through, only 15 minutes. I breathed, heavily, fighting back the tears as he seated himself.
“Gerard,” I cleared my throat. “This…This isn’t working,”
“W-what?” Gerard’s voice was more shaky than it ever has been.
“I…We can’t be together. The… The reason is I’m just-”
“You’ve moved on. You hate how I always put myself down. You think I do it on purpose. I’m just pulling you down, too, along with me. I get it. I’m useless and pathetic and you know it. And now you’ve realised what a waste of space and life I am, you’ve decided to throw me away. It’s okay. I knew you’d leave.” And with Gerard’s shaky, pained and strained voice, with tears streaming down his beautiful face, he stood up, and strode off. I could hear his sobs, even if he didn’t look back. He didn’t need to look bad, I knew he was crying. But the thing is, he got it wrong.
I haven’t moved on. I hate how he puts himself down because it’s not true. I try to help his problem. I’m pulling HIM down, not vice versa. He doesn’t get it. He’s not useless, he’s not pathetic. I know how perfect he is, and how he’s a good use of life and space. I haven’t decided to throw him away, I still love him. It’s not okay. I didn’t mean to make him leave.
- - -
I stayed in my cell, thinking of how I hate myself for letting him go. Everything, every single reason why I’m here… I just threw it all away. I still went to visiting room, but the chair opposite was always empty. No sign of Gerard’s stunning face, no sign of his beautiful smile, his gorgeous eyes, his angelic voice… Nothing. Nothing. NOTHING. Nothing whatsoever.
- - -
The days that passed felt like weeks, but it only had been one week all together. I wondered how Gerard was doing.
I had definitely lost it in life.
I had thrown away everything I had.
I had thrown away the love of my life.
I had thrown away Gerard Arthur Way.

Notes

a/n: im sorry to do and say this but it all goes downhill from here, , , , , ,,
**PLEASE NO HATE BECAUSE IVE MADE IT LIKE THIS**
THANK U I LVOE YOU ALL, KEEP ON COMMENTING !! IM NOT FINISHED //YET// 2 MORE PARTS TO GO,, ,