It's a not so secret, secret

4 weeks later

I walked into my house holding hands with cole. We had been spending almost everyday together and I can honestly say I have feelings for him.

At least I think I do. I want to believe that I like cole but I can't shake the thought that I just want him in my life to help me get over billie.

Cole is sixteen but even though I'm fourteen were only about a year and a half apart because of when our birthdays are. As we walked further into my house I set my book bag down in the foyer and then we walked hand in hand to the kitchen for a snack.

As I was looking through the shelves of food, cole wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his head in my neck

"you smell good" he laughed

I laughed back "haha thanks I'm glad I don't smell like shit today. You know I do shower at least once a month right?" I joked.

"I'm just saying you smell good no need to get all sassy." Cole joked slapping my but.

I jumped and began giggling at his cuteness. I leaned in and kissed him and he kissed back. I was having a great time laughing and kissing cole who was making funny faces at me between the kisses until I spotted my dads in the entry way.

"Shit!" I whispered separating myself from cole.

"why'd you- oh crap should I go?" Cole asked. I bit my lip and nodded

"go out through the back door, I'll walk over you your house later or meet with you at work to give you your book bag and jacket." I told him.

"Okay see you later bye Nathan" he said leaning in to kiss me once more.

"Bye cole." I said smiling and shutting the door just as gee walked into the kitchen.

"Did you say something?" He asked.

I shook my head. Lately I haven't been talking to my dads much because I feel like no matter what I say the topic of me still not explaining what happened at billies fully always comes up.

I also don't want to tell them about cole because I know they'd say I was jumping into a relationship way to fast and they probably wouldn't approve of him being sixteen.

me and cole had talked about this problem and he said he was totally fine with waiting until I was comfortable to tell my parents. He actually told me that he didn't care how long he had to wait because even though we'd only known each other for a short period of time he didn't want to lose me.

"hey buddy." Dad said now also coming into the kitchen.

I nodded "hey." I said quietly

I began to walk out of the kitchen to go upstairs to my room so I could message cole off of my laptop but gee stopped me.
"Who back pack is this?" He asked pointing to the red and black jansport book bag that happened to be Coles. I mentally cursed myself for not remembering to hide it when I saw them coming in.

"Is someone over?" My dad asked suspiciously.

I shook my head

"then who's back pack?" He asked

i started rambling whatever came to my head first and god did I sound stupid "it's a prank okay I took a book bag as a prank and-"

"what do you mean you took it? You stole this off of someone?" Gee asked raising an eyebrow.

I knew they wouldn't believe I just randomly took it off some kid so I played the pity card.
"Listen this kids been messing with me and he took mine. I stole mine back out of his locker today and took his as a bit of revenge...sorry." I lied.

both dad and Gerard were quiet, they were just looking at me and then to each other.

"I'm not putting up with shit!" Gerard yelled scaring me and dad.
"When I taught at that school the bullying was just as bad and it's only getting worse. If the school won't stop it I will. Nathan I want this kids name, I'm not letting this asshole get off with no punishment for fucking with you."

"dad it's fine okay I'll give him his shit back and it'll be over." I said sounding upset, or trying to so he'd let me have my way out of guilt.

He sighed and looked over at dad. "Nathan tell me what the kids messing with you have been doing. I want you to at least tell us this since you've been avoiding telling us about bill-"

"hey!" I snapped. "You agreed to drop it."

"Fine then agree to tell us what these kids have been doing." Dad said slyly.
I couldn't think of any actual incidents except the one in the locker room awhile ago so I went with that.
"When I was changing for gym this week a couple kids saw my back and started saying stuff that's it." I said

"what kind of stuff?"

"Whoa look quiet boy got action, holy shit he likes bottoming, gross he bottoms for a dude, how'd he get laid and not me, he's not even attractive, I didn't know he could talk let alone dirty talk, maybe he's so quiet cause his voice is wrecked from sucking cock. Y'know just stuff like that." I said exaggerating and adding some of what was actually said to me.

"Are you really okay with this shit?" Dad asked unbelievably "why don't you tell us this stuff? We're not that much older y'know we could help even if you just say why it's bugging you" he said and gee nodded

"because what would I say? It only bugs me because I didn't choose to get laid, or bottom, or suck his dick and that it was forced? Ya I'd really love to stroll down memory lane but right now I just want to stay away from that whole part of my life."

"Nathan I didn't mean to offend you-"

"don't worry about offending me, I don't take offense to much anymore since most of the stuff people say about me is true anyway." I told him starting to actually get upset. I felt like I was going to cry.

"The stuff they say isn't true-"

"I'm a faggot? True. I'm distrusting? True. He didn't even like me? True. He's already moved on and you were just a rebound? True. And what's sad is the kids don't even know my story but the insults the throw out still work for me. I'm every thing above and I think the rebound is the worst.
i hate talking about this but do you know how bad it hurts when you still have feelings and then you see the person you have the feelings for kissing and touching someone how they touched you?" I asked letting the first tears fall.
"Because it really fucking sucks."

Notes

Nathan + cole = good or bad?

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