I Don't Love You

I could feel the water crashing around me, but I couldn’t see anything. It was dark, so dark. I could feel my heart slowing down. I could feel the darkness coming in to claim me, but I pushed it back. I had realized something. I was not ready to go. I could fix this. I could fix all of this.

The darkness was relentless it wouldn’t let me be, so I finally gave into it. I closed my eyes and felt my heart stop beating. I slowly sank to the bottom.

*** The things people say about death is not true. You do not see your life before your eyes. You don’t follow a white light. It’s just black and so quiet that if your heart still worked you could hear it pumping your blood. It was making me go crazy. But something wasn’t right. I could feel a sensation on my right hand, almost like someone was holding it. I’m supposed to be dead, this isn’t supposed to happen. I could also hear a soft beeping. What was going on? There was a slight light, I concentrated on it and it got bigger until it was almost blinding me. Finally my hearing came back and I could hear someone talking to me.

“…I’m sorry Gee; I should have listened to you. I should have known that you would have not gone to Cobalt like that. It’s because of me that you’re so close to death.” I felt something wet land on my hand and knew that whoever was talking was crying too. “I’m so sorry Gee. I love you.” He chocked out. I felt him squeeze my hand. I weakly squeezed back. I heard him gasp. I weakly opened my eyes and smiled up at me.

“I love you too Frank,” I replied weakly. My throat was scratchy.

“Oh Gee,” Frank sobbed. “I’m so sorry for everything.”

“It’s alright,” I reassured him. “I heard you from before."

“You did?” he asked sheepishly. I nodded. The next thing he did surprised me. He leaned down and kissed me on the lips. I smiled and kissed him back. We heard a cough at the door and sprang back from each other and blushed. Standing in the doorway was a doctor. Judging by the clipboard in his hand, I’m just guessing he’s my doctor. He walked in and stared at me.

“Well I’m glad you’re awake Gerard considering you’ve been unconscious for about three days, but I would rather that you and Mr. Iero here don’t do what you were just doing while I’m around okay?” He told us. We blushed and nodded. “Now, my name is Dr. Sullivan, as you have probably already guessed I will be your doctor. Do you remember what happened to you that night?” He asked. I nodded; I got a haunted look in my eyes as I thought of that night.

The pain, the searing pain as Cobalt thrusted in and out of me.

As he repeatedly kicked me in the ribs and as he slammed my head in the ground.

I started to sob; I did not want to relive that. I tried to put my head in my hands but something restricted my movement. I looked down and saw that I was ties to the bed. I started to panic, it was reminding me of when Cobalt had me tied.

“Please,” I sobbed. “Please untie me. Please. Oh god please.” I screwed my eyes shut hoping that would stop the memories from coming. I felt someone’s cool fingers against my hot hand and felt them free. I immediately wrapped my arms around my torso, I could feel a bandage on my wrist and torso.

“Shhh it’s alright. No need to panic, see Cobalt isn’t here. Calm down. Deep breath. In. Out. That’s it.” I started to calm listening to the soothing voice of Dr. Sullivan. “Now, can you please open your eyes?”

I slowly peeled my eyes open and saw Dr. Sullivan staring at me with a sad look and one of worry and then Frank with one of panic.

“Gerard, do you mind if your foster parents come in? I need to tell them what’s wrong with you and what I want to do. Is that alright?” I nodded, I watched as he left. I looked over to Frank.

“Frank, what if they put me in an institute? I can’t go in one of those. Please don’t let them take me away.” I started to panic. I noticed my heart monitor was going haywire. I tried to calm my breathing but it didn’t work. I felt a body crawl next to me and rest his head on my shoulder, he grabbed my hand and rubber his thumb across my knuckles. My breathing slowly calmed with this one move of comfort. I rested my head on top of Frank’s waiting from Dr. Sullivan to come back with my parents. They finally came in and didn’t bat an eyelash at us; I guess Frank must have told them about us.

“Oh Gerard! I’m so glad that you’re alright!” Mrs. Way told me. I could see that her eyes were red and her mascara was smeared. I softly smiled up at her.

Dr. Sullivan cleared his throat to get our attention. “Now, I gathered you in here so I can tell you what is wrong with Gerard. I found that he had three fractured ribs with a dislocated right shoulder, a cut on his right palm that was infected with mud and dirty river water. That one we have to watch and make sure the infection is gone before we release you. He had very severe rope burn on both his wrists; he also has a slight concussion form when his head got slammed on the ground. And the worst is we found signs of rape. And we know this isn’t the first time that you’re been raped, is it Gerard?” Everyone turned to look at me; I felt my face heat up. I slowly nodded and watched as Mrs. Way broke down crying into her husband’s arms. I heard Frank sigh sadly. Dr. Sullivan looked at me.

“Gerard, I know why you’re here. You’re for a suicide attempt. You tried to kill yourself. Now we usually keep patients like that restrained but from what I saw, you also have PTSD which is triggered when you are restrained, so to prevent you from having another attack I am trusting you to not do anything stupid okay?” I nodded and sighed. I was so glad that I did not have to be restrained.

“Now, I also want to talk about treatment.” I felt my shoulders tense up and Frank soothingly rub my back. I leaned into him. “I think you should go to one on one counseling everyday fro about 2 hours. Monday-Friday. And then every Saturday I want you to go to group. Do you think you can do that?” I felt tears in my eyes. No I could not do that. But I nodded anyway, I knew that if I didn’t then I would most likely be taken away. I sighed and yawned. Everyone saw. They all looked at each other and came to a decision.

‘We’re going to leave so you can sleep Gerard.” The doctor told me. I just waved my hand in understanding and listened as they all shuffled out the door leaving just me and Frank behind. I turned to him.

“Who saved me?” I sleepily asked. The odd thing was I didn’t feel anything. They must have of given me something. I could feel my eyes dropping but I tried to fight it. I did not want to go there. I felt Frank run his hand through my hair.

“Sleep Gerard, and I’ll tell you tomorrow. Go to sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.” Frank said as he placed my head on his chest.

“You promise?” I mumbled. I felt his chest rumble with laughter.

“Yes Gee, I promise. Now sleep.” I nodded and closed my eyes. It felt nice to be back in Frank’s arms. I was out in seconds.

Notes

I hope this satisfies you all

Thank you all so much for getting this on the popular page. I couldn't have done it without you.

I think this story is going to be winding down so. Maybe a couple more chapters. But do not fret. I have a story idea which one of you already knows about :D