I Don't Love You

I sobbed into my hands on the floor outside Mikey’s floor. He never even came out to check on me, to see if I was alright. I got up with an idea. It was time to execute something that was meant to be done awhile ago. I walked down the stairs into the kitchen, I quietly picked up the biggest kitchen knife in the kitchen. I heard the buzzing of the TV and knew that Mr. and Mrs. Way were watching TV. I walked down into the basement and opened my door at the bottom of the steps. I walked over to my desk and got out paper. It was time to write a note.

Dear Mikey and Frank,
Both of you said, in a matter of words, to go and kill myself and I am just doing what your words tell me to do. But first, I thought I should explain why I did what I did. First thing first though. Frank, I did not go to Cobalt. Cobalt came on to me. Today when I was walking towards the bathroom he grabbed me and took me into the closest that you found us in. He then started to beat me, and kiss me. He almost took it farther if you had not been there, and for that I must thank you. But, now you must know how I know Cobalt.

What I am about to tell you, I have never told anyone. When I was 14, I was in a foster home. And I had 2 other foster brothers. One of them was Cobalt. He used to be so cool he was older than me by a year and I looked up to him. He was one of the only nice male figures in my life so I naturally I looked up to him. What a mistake that was.

One night he came home drunk and started to beat me. He then got out a bottle of Vodka and started to force me to drink. I resisted but he would just beat me harder. I got tired of the pain so I just let him pour the drink in my mouth. He poured the whole bottle. I was smashed. I wasn’t in control of what I could do. And that was how he found out about my fear of not being in control of myself. That was the night I got raped by someone under 18 and beaten.

That family I was with was going to adopt me. But Cobalt knew I was going to tell them what he did to me so he told them, a very homophobic family, that I was gay. They didn’t adopt me; they just dumped me off at a home. And that is how I know Cobalt. What you saw was him coming after me.

I never meant to hurt you Frank, and I’m so sorry. This si the last you will hear of me. I just want you both to know that you made the last month of my live so much fun and worth living. The happiest I had been in years. And I will never forget that. Thank you so much.

I love you,
Gerard Arthur Way

I stared at the note and let tears slip down my face, some of them landed on the paper and smeared the ink a bit but you could still read it. I brought the kitchen knife I got form the kitchen up in the air and slammed down on the paper so it was sticking out of the table. I stood up; I had a mission to do. I walked back up the stairs and looked around to make sure no one was around. When I saw no one, I quietly walked out the door into the pouring down rain. It would seem that it had started to rain earlier that day. It was still light enough out that the light would lightly reflect off the rain drops making them sparkle. I started to walk towards the bridge that I had seen on my first day I came here and memorized the route to just in case.

I was about half way to it when I felt someone grab the back of my jacket and yank me into the woods. I turned around to see who it was with wide eyes. My breath hitched when I saw who it was. It was Cobalt. His black hair was slicked to his forehead from the rain, his eyes were dilated which indicated to me that he was high. This was not good. He started to roughly tough me, I tried to resist but this time he came prepared. He brought a rope out of his pocket and roughly yanked my arms behind my back.

“Oh Gee,” he hissed into my ear. I could smell his putrid breath, it smelled like beer. “I came prepared. I will get what I want from you.” He roughly yanked them to make sure the rope was tight, it dug into my skin. I started to struggle; I felt the rope start to dig into my wrist. I felt warm blood flow down my wrist. I held in my tears as Cobalt ripped my clothes away and unzipped his pants.

*GRAPHIC AND VIOLENT RAPE HAPPENING I DON’T WRITE THAT SO LET YOUR IMAGINATION TAKE OVER. NOW BACK TO THE STORY*

Cobalt stood up from the ground and zipped his pants up. He smirked down at my trembling and shaking body. He kicked me in my already sore ribs. He leaned down to me, I flinched away from him. His smirk got bigger. He gripped my red hair and brought my head up to his.

“I told you Gerard, I always get what I want.” He slammed my head on the hard wet ground. I saw stars before my eyes. He flipped me over onto my back, I groaned out in pain. I was pretty sure I had broken ribs and at least one dislocated shoulder. Cobalt grabbed a knife out of his boot and cut away the rope. But he wasn't very careful because “he let the knife slip” and it sliced my palm open. The next thing I know he grabs my hand and pushed it into the mud. It hurt. Like hell. I could feel the mud getting into the wound; infecting it.

He finally stood up and kicked my head for one finally time, and then walked away without looking back. I slowly got up but feel back down. My butt and legs were hurting so badly I could barely walk. What I remembered before Cobalt grabbed me was that I was less than a mile away. I could crawl that.

I started to crawl towards the bridge. I was sobbing. I just wanted the pain to end, but luckily it was going to end shortly. I feel down when I tripped over a rock, the rock cut into my already broken ribs making it even harder for me to breath. I started to sob louder. I couldn’t take it. I had to end it. I crawled as fast as my tired and hurt limbs could go.

When I saw the bridge getting closer and could hear the rush of the river. I smiled. I knew I was close to being happy. I crawled to the railing and painfully hauled myself up. I stood up and looked down at the river. It was black and moving very fast, I would get swept away. I could feel the rainwater washing down on my face. It was nice. It was almost like the world was cleansing me of all my hurt and sin. I smiled and laughed at the rain. It was time.

I painfully climbed onto the railing and spread my arms out wide, feeling the wind buffer me back and forth. I was about to take a step forward when I heard someone shout my name, but I just ignored them. No one could stop me, I had my mind up. I took the step off the bridge and the last thing I heard before I crashed into the dark and rolling water was someone shout my name.

“GERARD!”

I crashed into the water with a huge splash, the water was freezing, I couldn’t breath. There was like a band across my chest crushing my ribs. I, being the idiot I am, tried to take a breath but instead I just got a lungful of water. I knew what was happening to me.

I was dying.

Notes

Please don't kill me

You can hurt @Your bulletproof heart who helped me move my idea along even if she didn't know it