I'm Okay Now

**Katy's pov**
When he told me that I had a beautiful smile he might as well had just let loose a hundred butterflies into my stomach. I could feel my cheeks turn bright red but I didn't even try to hold it back, why should I? Then what happened next was a blur. Before I could take anything in his lips crashed onto mine. At first I was confused and didn't understand what was happening but when I did I slowly started to kiss back, but he broke apart to soon.
"I'm sorry I- I just-" was all he said before running out of the room. What is even happening!? I rose from the window sill and chased after him
"Gerard wait!" I yelled but I was too late, but the time I was finished I heard the front door slam shut.
What did I do that made him hate me so much that he ran away? Another reason why I'm a fail at life, everyone that I know runs away from me. I felt a tear run down my cheek but before I wipe it up, many more followed. I don't know what to think. It's just- I felt so happy when I was with him, even when we where talking about my past. And now he probably hates me and doesn't want to see me ever again. Then again I don't blame him, I'm a mess inside out. But why would he kiss me? Not that I minded it, he tasted like warm coffee but more like coffee ice cream. And when you got that close to him you got that warm feeling. Like everything is going to be okay and nothing will hurt you anymore. The tears kept falling on my lap and it was no use trying to stop them now. I needed to get this out of my head, I slowly reached into my bag and pulled out my razor that I kept in the hidden pocket at the bottom. I felt the sharp blade touch my skin but I didn't put any pressure on it. I've done this so many times why can't i do it now!? I felt panic build up in my mind as my heart beat grew louder and louder. so I went to the person I trusted the most. Mikey.
The hallways of the house didn't creep as I walked over to the other bedroom that wasn't far from the one I was staying in. I held the razor between my fist as I quietly knocked on the door and waited for a response. Nothing. I knocked again but this time a little louder and still heard silence. Giving up, I slowly twisted I door handle and walked in.
"Mikey?" My voice cracked as I felt another round of tears fall. I let out a little whimper that was loud enough to wake him up. Finally. He dark brown eyes fluttered signaling he was awake and looked at me before turning in the light.
"Katy!? Are you alright? What's wrong?" He asked with his tired eyes full of concern as he fixed his back to sit upright.
"I fell like cutting myself" I said looking down at the floor in shame. He got out from under the covers and came to my side wrapping his arms around me in a soft hug. He felt like Gerard. "And why do you feel like that"
"I don't know" It was my first lie that I told Mikey and I felt horrible about it but I wasn't ready to tell him the truth. How do you tell your best friend that you just kissed his brother and fucking enjoyed it? Suddenly I felt my whole body weaken. I became very light headed as I felt the razor drop out of my hand and onto the floor. Then my feet did the same thing with my body

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