I'm Okay Now

**Katy's pov**
I was too scared to open my eyes, after what happened I wanted to keep them shut forever and never look at my father again, knowing that once when my eyes open, he will be standing right at the foot of my bed ready for round two. Something was diffrent, my bed seemed to be a lot bigger and comfier, too bad it was just my imagination talking. I was still scared about what happened and I wish right here and now I could just kill myself.
"I think she's up!" I heard a familiar voice say from down the hall, it sounded like Mikey but considering I hit my head really hard against the bed, I just imagined that it was my dad getting ready to come back and--- do what he did to me again. It sent a shiver down my spine just thinking about what happened, and it would be something I will never forget. I was right when I said that I was going to receive the worst beating of my life, oh I would rather be in hell then where I was. I still refused to open my eyes, it would be easier this way then too look at my dad ever again. I continued to lay in the bed not moving as I felt all the bruises and cuts that sat on my skin, I wondered how they got there but then I remembers I passed out so he could have done a lot to me wail I remained unconscious. It hurt to move and the headache I was feeling hurt like a bitch! I probably got it when he slammed my head against the bed, or maybe when-
"He katy are you up?" Shit my father found me again, this time he probably had the hammer with him and I couldn't bare to watch. I shut my eyes as hard as they could and sucked in all the tears that where falling, with only one thought on my mind: this is how it ends.
"PLEASE DONT HURT ME" I yelled through my sobs. I couldn't take anymore! One more beating and I would be dead! I know it! I felt a hand touch my shoulder and I completely lost my shit. I began screaming at the top of my lungs hoping that someone would hear and come save me.
"Katy it's just me!! Open your fucking eyes! It's me Gerard! And Mikey is right next to you open your eyes and see for yourself!" The voice said, I must be dreaming. I am still at my dad's house and I'm probably dying right now and this is my heaven. I wish I was dead, my life would be so much more simpler.
"Katy please open your eyes" another voice spoke, this must be the angles talking trying to lead me towards the light. Well since I am dead nothing els can hurt me so I decided to do what the angles said and open my eyes, . I could see a little bit of light shine through the crack of my eye lids and once they where wide enoughf I noticed I wasn't at the gates of heaven or on the highway to hell, I was just lying in the guest room in the Ways house.
"Is this what heaven really looks like?" I asked really confused, but to my surprise the angles where no other then Mikey and Gerard. They both started chuckling as I laid there on the bed still utterly confused.
"What's so funny" I asked. they both exchanged smirk and sharing some small laughs until Mikey looked at me and started to speak. I could tell that the laughter was fake and they just wanted to somehow make me feel better but right now that would be impossible.
"Honey, your not in heaven, and thankfully your not dead. You just passed out before Gerard came and saved you from your dad" Mikey said in such a kind tone, it took me a while to take in what was happening and to be honest once I did I was kinda disappointed. I would have been nice to end this all, to never worried about a single thing ever again. Maybe I will do it, it's not like anyone's going to miss me. Sure maybe Gerard and Mikey but I just met them, They could easily replace me in a heartbeat. And yes I would miss them but hey, maybe if I get to heaven I will forget about ever meeting them. Maybe just maybe I could end it all.
I begain to cry as I looked down at my watch that read 8pm
"Have I really been asleep for that long!?" I thought out loud.
Mikey replied "Ya, if your hungry I can ju-" but I cut him off
"No it's fine I kinda just want to get some sleep right now, I'm really tired." I lied. I wasn't tired at all I just wanted them to leave so I could kill myself. I know I sound really heartless saying that but at least Gerard and Mikey will have all the troubles of having me live with them and cause them so much drama. They both exchanged glances before leaving the room and shutting the door behind them. Now I had one last decision to make, how. I considered hanging myself but after realizing that their was no place to do it I quickly scratched it off my mental list. The next bullet on my list was overdosing on Advil, it seems good to me but I remember my ex-boyfriend telling me about his suicide attempt using Advil. I could still hear his rough voice in the back of my head telling the story all over again. He told me that after taking 10 pills it didn't hurt him as much, and all he remembers is throwing up all the acid in his stomach and he fell to the floor unconscious. The story ended with him being disappointed to find himself waking up in a hospital where his older sister brought him after discovering his dying body. If you are wondering what happened between us, I broke up with him. I found out that he wasn't dating me for the love, he was only doing it for sex which didn't surprise me after hearing all the fake 'I love you's'. Oh also he told me that it would be a good idea if we both committed suicide together because he's the only one that will ever love me so I'm not leaving anything behind. everyone tells me I'm good at scenting lies and I have too agree with them, I never let a lie slip past me. Knowing his words saying that it didn't hurt that much to take the pills I decided not to go with it. I needed punishment for being such a worthless slut who is nothing but a wast of space, I needed something that would hurt a lot so I could make up for all the harm I caused the world. I looked at my list only to find I had one last idea: cutting. I had been my friend ever since I was ten and I figured it was my best bet. I'll make the cuts deep and wide so no one would be able to stop me from doing it, making sure I felt enough pain to satisfy my mind. My thoughts where interrupted by a knock at my door that must have made my heart jump, I quickly shoved my notebook under the white and black pillowcase that matched the bedding and walked to the door to answer it. It didn't surprise me when I saw Gerard waiting impatiently by the door.
His hair was messy as usual, he used his fingers to brush it out of his face as he walked into my room and plopped himself on the chair that sat right next to the bed, I could tell by the look on his frightened face that he wanted to talk to me and I was defiantly going to be about what my father did.
Honestly I didn't want to talk right now, expeshally about what happened earlier today. I just wanted to hug Gerard forever but from the way he looked he wasn't in the mood. He signaled me to come sit down on the bed and I sighed listen to his orders as I slowly positioned myself in the middle of the bed trying to avoid putting any pressure on my bruises. I looked around the room trying to wast time and take my mind off of things but it dident help much. Everything went completely quiet for a couple of seconds that felt like an eternity for me but as usual he was the one to break the silence.
"Katy,.." He was very hesitant with every word that he said but sadly that didn't stop him from continuing "what exactly did your father do to you?" I could feel my heart start to beat faster and he noticed it too. I really didn't want to answer that question, I wouldn't for anyone. If only I could pretend that today never happened and everyone els would too. I just stared deep into his beautiful hazel eyes that stared back into mine as I felt a tear roll down the side of my cheek.
**flashback**
By now I was at the top of the stairs and my dad still had a grip on my hair, choosing to stay close to him so He wouldn't be able to pull on it so hard. I still refused to cry as he shoved me full force onto the bed that was located in my room, everything went blurry for a second after realizing my head just smashed into the frame of the bed, I could feel it bleeding in the lower back of my head around where my neck is but I was too dizzy to even care at the moment. I felt rope that had many needles pierced threw it become tied around my wrists. He used this weapon on me once before and I found out that the only way the needles wouldn't dig deeper into my skin was if I stayed still and let him tie the other end of the rope to the bed. I started to scream at the top of my lungs as I felt him pull down my pants. This wasn't going to happen, I wouldn't let it.
"SHUT UP!" He screamed at me louder then I've ever heard him yell before, he always scared me before but now this was the worst kind of fear I've ever felt. My blood started to boil in my body But I didn't listen to him telling me to be quiet, I continued to yell hoping someone out there would hear me and come to my rescue.
The last thing I remember was him calling me a worthless slut as his hand smacked against my face knocking me out cold. The rest I figured out myself and it was the only piece left that fit the puzzle. I was raped.
**end of flashback**

Notes

Yea this is pretty messed up.... Shits about to go down btw.