Some like to sleep, We like to play

When I wake up I open my mouth and my lip stings and my jaw aches. I stumble into the bathroom and when I see my reflection my heart sinks. The whole lower right part of my face is black and swollen. I turn off the light and go back into the room turning on the lamp beside the bed and picking up my phone. When I unlock it I have 35 missed calls and 5 voicemails. 15 calls are from Gerard, 10 from Frank, 5 from Mikey and 5 from Trick. I call my voicemail and when the first message is played I flinch and almost hang up. "Z you fucking bitch don't you dare come back here and make yourself out to be the victim like I'm just some abusive asshole." When the voicemail ends I take a shaky breath. The next one starts and Franks voice says "Z please come back or atleast call me back and let me know you're ok." The next one is from Gerard again sounding a little calmer as he says "Z answer your goddamn phone." The next one is also from Gerard. "Z please answer or call me back. Things got out of control and I wouldn't want anything to happen to you so let me know you and the baby are ok." The last voicemail, left just twenty minutes ago is from Trick. "Z baby I just had Gerard on the phone to me in tears worried about your well being after how problematic the pregnancy has been. Despite how much I want to kick his ass I get where he's coming from. Why aren't you answering your phone. Ring me back immediately." I take a deep breath before dialling Tricks number and when he answers he doesn't say hello he says "Thank fuck Z. Why haven't you been answering your phone?" "I was sleeping" I tell him and he sighs in relief. "Are you feeling ok?" He asks and I tell him I'm fine but I don't want to talk right now and hang up. When I look at the time I see that the guys would have already played so I get my laptop out and check out YouTube. There is one video from tonight's show with the label "Angry Gerard is hot." I read the comments while the video buffers and a lot of the fans have commented saying how angry Gerard seemed onstage tonight and how off the performance was. When I play the video you can hear that his voice is off and you can see the tension between him and Frank. I look at Mikey's usually passive face and he looks worried and stressed. I feel my stomach knotting up in stress knowing that this is all my fault. I close the laptop and push it away jumping as my phone buzzes, breaking the silence. I pick it up with a shaking hand and see Mikey's picture. I sigh as I answer the call. "Hi Mikes." "Z thank god you're ok. Look we're about to leave in about twenty minutes will you come back? Where are you?" "I'm not coming back Mikey, I can't take any more right now." "Z the kids miss you already. Riley has been crying on and off all afternoon looking for you. Gerard won't lay a hand on you, I promise just come back for the kids." I sigh and say "Fine I'll come back but I already booked my flight out for tomorrow so I'm only coming to get the kids. I'm not staying and I don't want to see Gerard." "Just come back Z" he says before I hang up and grab my room
key, making my way back to the bus.

When I get there I put in the code and walk on, Riley jumping off the couch and wrapping himself around my legs. I reach down and pick him up and he says "Oh no mommy what happened to your face?" I swallow hard before saying "I fell baby boy." He leans in and presses a soft kiss to my cheek and while it hurts I try to not wince. I put him down and he runs back over to the lounge and Mikey tells him and Bandit to go get their bags. Frank comes out of the bunk area as Mikey wraps me in a hug and he growls when he sees my face. "That's not ok Mikey and I don't know if I can not do anything now." "You promised" Mikey says as he pulls away and shakes his head at the sight of me.
The kids come back with their stuff and Gerard follows them. I flinch and back towards the door at the sight of him. "Mikey I'll be outside, bring the kids out when they've said goodbye" I say and I turn and walk off the bus ignoring their protests. When Bandit and Riley come off the bus Gerard follows them with Mikey and I take their bags before grabbing their hands and starting to walk away. "Z wait" Gerard calls and I keep walking. We make it halfway across the car park before Gerard runs over and grabs my wrist. "Stop" he says and I turn and flinch away from him. He lifts his hand up to touch my cheek and I duck out of his reach. "We're leaving" I snap before turning around and walking with the kids out of the car park.
When we get to the hotel I put Bandit and Riley in bed and when they're asleep I call the airline and book another two seats on the flight. When I hang up there is a voicemail from Gerard. "Babe we had to leave for the next venue. Please call me back we need to talk." I throw the phone on the table and climb into bed not ready to deal with any of this yet, curling up beside the kids and falling asleep.
Two hours later I'm woken by my phone buzzing and when I pick it up I see Gerard's picture. I sigh as I get out of bed and answer it. "What do you want Gerard?" I snap as I let myself out onto the balcony so I don't wake Bandit and Riley. "Babe I know I fucked up. I should never have touched you and I'm sorry. My heart is fucking shattered, what did I do to push you into his arms instead?" I sigh and say "Nothing. My hormones are going crazy right now and I feel so fucked in the head I don't know what I feel. I walked in on him and Zacky fucking and it just happened. I'm sorry I did that to you" I say as I start to cry. "Baby please don't cry. We need to talk about this in person. I will be home from tour in two weeks, let's take a break until then and just think about what we really want. When I get home we'll sort everything out." I sob as I say "If that's what you want. I hope the rest of the tour is good for you" before I hang up and let myself cry.

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