You Only Hear The Music When Your Heart Begins To Break

After school Gerard and I go back to my house and climb into bed. I am exhausted and cold and instantly feel better being cuddled by my boyfriend. We lay in bed for a while just cuddling in silence when I start to think about what tomorrow is, the anniversary of my mothers death. My thoughts start to race and my breathing feels restricted which makes me panic causing me to hyperventilate. Gerard sits up and leans over me gently grabbing my face and telling me to focus on him. "Breathe baby, just look at me and take big deep breaths. You're ok I promise you just need to take big breaths." Once I calm down Gerard leans down and presses a gentle kiss to my forehead before asking me what's going on. "Its just an anxiety attack." I tell him. "What's causing it baby? Talk to me" he says and I open my mouth but fail to find the words to tell him. I am quiet for a moment before trying again and choking out what's bothering me. "Oh baby I'm so sorry. We'll take the day off tomorrow and do whatever you like ok?" He tells me soothingly and I nod and tuck myself into his side again feeling more comforted as he strokes my hair.

The next day I don't get out of bed. I wake up and feel like I don't have the energy to even move, feeling emotionally blank. Trick comes into my room still in his pyjamas and I know it's hitting him hard too. I slide over and pull the blanket back and he immediately crosses the room and climbs in with me. We just lay in silence cuddled with each other offering silent support. After a while everything crashes down on me and I break down in huge sobs, gasping for air and shaking uncontrollably. Seeing this sets Trick off and he starts to cry aswell as we hug each other tighter. William comes into the room after a few minutes followed by Gerard and both tear up at the sight of how upset we are. William walks over and wraps his arms around both me and Trick and shushes us offering us comfort and calming us down. When we break apart Gerard's bag is sitting on the floor by the door but he's gone. I sit up and look around wondering where he went when a few minutes later he comes back with two big cups of hot chocolate he made for me and Trick. I take the warm cup and send him a brief small smile in thanks. William reaches out and takes Tricks for him and sits it on the bedside table while Trick sits up. I lean into Tricks side as he wraps his arm around me and lift up the blanket on the other side of me signalling for Gerard to get in. He quickly takes his shoes off and climbs in beside me holding his arm out so I can lean into his side. I lean over out of Tricks hold and into Gerard's before offering him the cup to share my hot chocolate. He takes it and takes a sip before offering it back and I take it warming my hands on the cup. After we finish our drinks Trick tells me he is going to have a shower and he'll be downstairs with William if I need him. Gerard and I sit in silence for what seems like a few minutes but when I look at the clock it's been forty five minutes. When I look over at him he is looking back at me looking extremely worried. I grab his hand and squeeze tight trying to tell him I'll be ok. "How about a hot bubble bath?" He offers and after a moment of thinking about it I nod, knowing it will help me feel better. We get out of the bed and walk to my bathroom hand in hand and I take a seat on the closed toilet while Gerard runs the bath occasionally checking with me about the temperature. Once the tub is almost full he turns the water off and offers his hand to help me stand up. Once I'm undressed and in the tub Gerard sits on his knees on the floor beside the tub, keeping me company. "Tell me a story" I ask and he laughs and asks why. "I just wanna hear your voice" I tell him and he shakes his head like I'm crazy before thinking for a moment.
"Once upon a time there was a boy who met the most beautiful girl in the world. He was so taken by her beauty that he was so nervous he couldn't even speak to her." "Get in here with me" I interrupt to ask and he smiles at me and nods before stripping off and climbing in behind me. I lay back against his chest and feel his arms wrap around my waist. "Continue" I tell him and he chuckles and says "Sure thing princess. So the boy was struck by the girls beauty and when she approached him he was so scared of making a fool of himself that he refused to even chance a glance at her. She turned out to be not only beautiful but strong and sassy. She wouldn't take shit from anyone and wasn't afraid to stand up for herself and anyone that needed it." I close my eyes and let myself fully relax starting to feel better already.
"The beautiful girl ended up being as kind and friendly as she was beautiful and quickly became friends with the boy even though no one else wanted to. The boy found himself quickly falling in love and any time he spent away from the girl seemed like an eternity. It took him a while but he finally found the courage to tell the girl how he felt and he was panicking the whole time until she told him she felt the same way. Now that the girl was finally his he was overjoyed and wanted to be around her always, every second he could he was by her side. Before long the boy got to have the most special intimate encounter with the girl, his first ever and the most special he could ever ask for. Just like everything else she was perfect and amazing in bed." I giggle at the comment and shake my head. "The boy then had a moment of pure stupidity and almost ruined the whole thing and lost her forever but he was fortunate and she once again proved how amazing she is by giving him a second chance, one which he is not going to screw up. After this terrible experience the boy realised that he cannot live without the girl and would do anything to see her beautiful smile. He spent all their time apart thinking about spending the rest of his life with her and how he could show her that he wanted a serious future with her. There was one idea that struck the boy and he just had to wait for the perfect opportunity..." He trails off leaning out of the tub towards his clothes and quickly settling back and wrapping his arms around me again bringing his hands up infront of my face before opening his fist and showing me the ring he was holding in it. "Z I love you so much. Will you spend the rest of your life with me?" He asks and my breath catches in my throat. "Are you asking me to" I choke out before he realises what I'm trying to ask and quickly says "No, well not yet anyway" before I cut him off and tilt my head to look up at him telling him yes. He smiles wide and I return it before he takes my left hand and slides the ring onto my finger. It's a perfect fit and I hold my hand out staring at the beautiful silver ring with black stones that now decorates it. I turn myself around and straddle his lap as I lean in and press my lips to his as he holds me close. When I pull back he asks "Good story?" And I giggle and tell him it's the best story I've ever heard. My mind is racing again after everything that's just happened but with how I now feel I know I made the right choice saying yes.

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