Very Much Alive
The Things I Do For You
-Gerard's POV-
When I awoke from my dreamless slumber, it was already 7:30 am. There was a god awful, bitter taste in my mouth from where I was too sleepy to brush my teeth last night. I rose out of bed, still groggy from having only just waking up. I stumbled to the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself in the full vanity mirror. My hair was in complete disarray and getting greasy, my eyeliner a little smeared, and lines covered my face and arms from sleeping in the same weird position all night. Tired of feeling sweaty, I decided to take a nice hot shower. It always helped to wake me up in the mornings.
I turned the dial as far as it would go, steam quickly began to fill the room and fog the mirror. I removed my comfy pajamas and got in. The water was piping hot, just how I liked it. Water droplets washed all over my body and through my hair, ridding me of the sweat and grime from yesterday. Once my body had adjusted to the temperature, I grabbed the bottle of tea leaf infused shampoo and squeezed a generous amount into my hair. I massaged my scalp, lathering it as thoroughly as possible before rinsing. Then I applied a bit of the same brand conditioner through my tufts. I left it in for a few minutes as I lathered the rest of my body with soap, then washed myself off completely and stepped out. Fluffy grey towels awaited me, which felt very warm after getting out of boiling water back into the frigid air. I wrapped one around my waist as I dried out my hair, then placed that over my shoulders and headed back to my room. I was so modest though I'm not sure why, considering I live alone in my own house.
I perused through my closet, trying to decide what to wear today. It really shouldn't matter, but I've seen the way Frank looks at me. If I had to look nice, it'd be for him. 'For Frankie, my porcelain skinned, dark haired sweetheart.' He was gorgeous for his age, he'd only mature and his beauty increase over time. I'm not sure how I'll be able to handle myself then. I could hardly control myself around him now.
I pulled out a plain black, formal button up and dressy jeans that could easily be mistaken for trousers. They hugged my hips snugly, which I knew he would like. I let the towel around my waist fall to the floor and pulled on my pants, not bothering to put on boxers. 'Only three days in the school year, and I am already slacking off.' It was Friday, which meant I only had to make it through today and could rest all weekend. I would get to see Frankie, hopefully make him blush that adorable shade of pink, catch him staring at me, something to entertain me.
I reapplied some eyeliner. It wasn't very noticeable, just enough to make my eyes stand out. I was looking pretty pale today. It was probably from the lack of exposure. Even when I was outside (which was occasional), I usually wore long sleeves or hoodies and jeans, so my skin didn't see the sunlight that often. In fact, yesterday was the first time in weeks I willingly stayed out. Odd.
By that time it was already 8. Luckily, I didn't have to get there at the same time as everyone else since my first class didn't start till 9:15. I usually left the house around 8:55. The school was only about 10 minutes away.
I descended down the steps, quickly running my hands through my hair to smooth it out before it dried all crazy. Once I got to the kitchen, I turned on the coffee pot so it could brew while I made breakfast. Toast didn't sound good, nor did cereal or eggs. 'Pizza! From last night!' I remembered. I went into the living room where I had left the box and plate yesterday. I had been too tired to take care of it when I woke up at midnight. The pizza was room temperature, which was fine with me. I set the remainder of it in the fridge for later. I knew I wouldn't be hungry later-I had really splurged with eating four slices last night and one this morning. My stomach had shrunk from not eating recently and I shouldn't over do it. Soon my coffee was done brewing. I got out my favorite mug and poured the liquid black gold to the rim. My mug was bright red and had the silhouette of a magician on it. I don't know what it was about it that I liked. Maybe it was the childish, comic-book feel or how the silhouette left the actual image of the magician to the owner's perception. Perhaps the standoffish red...
I sat down at the enormous dining room table- large enough to sit 8 comfortably- and ate my pizza and drank my coffee leisurely. Only two chairs were left out though. I rarely had company, but I thought I should be prepared for a guest anyway. I wrapped my cold hands around the steamy mug and sipped little by little. I could feel the heat branch out through my chest and down into my stomach. The house was completely silent, just the way I hated it. I turned on my Smart TV and clicked on Pandora. The Misfits Channel was the first to grab my attention and started listening to it. I downed the rest of my coffee as Hybrid Moments ended and ran back upstairs to the bathroom to fix up my hair. It was still a bit damp, so I could work with it. I rubbed a bit of Axe styling paste into my fingers and ran them through my hair. I parted my hair to the right and pushed my bangs over. I made it a little messy on the sides. All in all it turned out pretty good. 'Frankie will love it, and that's all I care about.'
-Frank's POV-
When I woke up that Friday morning, it was only 7 am. Yesterday afternoon when I got home had been pretty normal. Mom wasn't home so I cooked a frozen dinner and worked on stupid homework. Went to bed somewhere around midnight because I was busy downloading music and thinking about Gerard. I really think he might like me... maybe just a little bit and as a friend, but he likes me. Of course I was about to ruin that. I had a knack for screwing up every friend relationship I'd ever had. Practically everyone has hated me for the past 17 years of my life, no one would even dare think of me as a boyfriend. Nobody, which included both boys and girls damnit! I guess it would be easier to lie to Gerard and end what little I had built up to be our relationship. Even our oh-so-holy Lord didn't pity me, He clearly wasn't too keen on helping me out.
I had to drag my lifeless shell of a body out of bed and into the bathroom, where I took a quick shower. 'If I have to leave him, Lord, at least let me look good while doing it.' After that I headed back to my room. Still rolling with the whole 'going out in style' thing, I pulled out a grey denim button up shirt-I only had it from my days in Catholic school-and black jeans, which were very skinny. The collar was pushed down enough to reveal a bit of my scorpion tattoo that I had gotten for my 17th birthday. 'Put on a show... Leave him wanting to see more.' The tattoo was a major rebellion against my mom. Being her only kid, she has always been over-protective and kept me on a tight leash. "I just don't want my baby to grow up!" She would say. She really hated it and didn't approve at first, but got used to it. I have an odd fascination of tattoos. Something about using your body as canvas to colour and fill intrigues me. I want a ton of other ones, I just don't have to money to get them (story of my whole damn life...)
I carefully put on my clothes, making sure everything was perfect and alluring 'in all the right places.' Gerard had that effect on me, damn him. I surprised myself at the lengths I was going to to look good for one person... even when that person was pure sex. I haven't cared about personal appearance for years and now he's gone and changed that. He's a thousand times more attractive and lovable when compared to me-anyone, for that matter- so I feel compelled to try and make it fair for him. I'm pretty sure he's not even human though. 'Maybe he is some dark, fallen angel come to rescue me from this shithole.' When I really thought about it, beauty like his was probably coveted by the angels themselves.
I tried to fix my hair a little, adding some gel so my bangs would stay to the right and hang over my eyes a little. Eyeliner, of course, was a given. It made my eyes (one of my few good features) stand out, so I usually wear it lavishly. Content with my overall appearance, I headed downstairs right as I heard a honk from the driveway. It was Toro, on time as usual. I grabbed my bag and Pansy. Skipping breakfast wasn't a big deal, my stomach was in knots about Gerard anyway.
"See ya Mom!" Shit, I hadn't told her I got detention yet. I didn't want her to freak out if I wasn't home on time, but I wasn't going to tell her I had already gotten in trouble either. "Uh, I'll be home late. I'm hanging out with Ray after school," I called out. Well it technically was true...
"Alright, have fun!" she yelled back. I went out the door and set my crap down in the bed of the truck. Ray greeted me as I hopped in the front.
"Hey shorty, someone's looking all dressed up. What's the occasion?" At least I knew I looked good now.
"Kill the height jokes, Toro, or I'll bring back to afro puns." He was quiet after that. "That's what I thought. And nothing special. Just wanted to look decent instead of terrible for once. Did you have as much homework as me? Damn, it's like they already hate us. I read some of that infernal-no-Inferno book. Wasn't that bad, read worse. What'd you do yesterday"
"Pretty much the same, worked on homework. I'm already tired of this year... three days in. But it's finally fucking Friday! We could go to the bookstore by Starbucks later, ya know, after you get out of detention. What the hell Frank? You're already asking to get expelled with that record of yours." Everyone knew I didn't give a shit about doing what was right. I did what I wanted and if you don't like it FUCK YOU! because I don't care. That rule applied to classmates, teachers, staff, the whole lot of them. That's why people stayed away from me. I was hard to be around with my temper and attitude. I'd bite their heads off in an instant if they got in the way. Lord knows why Ray and Mikey stick around...
"Well screw Cothran for being a bitch. It was just music! And I had plenty else to say to that jackass beside me. Would've if she hadn't interrupted..." Ray only laughed at that. He knew I was serious and would have told that kid off in a heartbeat; it was funny because it was so true.
"Yeah yeah, hold yourself back next time okay? Can't have you staying after school when we could be doing something," he chastised. Like I said before, Ray was the protector of our group and held us all together. He's the silent mastermind that kept the gears turning.
"Yes sir Daddy 'Fro," I teased, chuckling. Soon after the school came into view. Cheerleaders were standing outside in their usual cliques consisting of other cheerleaders and their boyfriends. You could see the terrible, overpowering makeup from a mile back, increasingly getting worse as you got closer. It made me want to run for the hills. Ray wasn't into the makeup, but he certainly appreciated the tight skirts and low tops. Over the years of working at the mechanics shop, he had acquired muscles and was pretty buff. Girls were starting to notice, which he was loving. He currently had his eyes set for one chick in particular named Christa. She had a fair complexion, nice teeth, and wavy dark brown hair. Ray was starting to get popular, which concerned me. I was happy for him of course, that he was getting new friends and hanging with cooler people, but the thought of me losing him as my best friend scared me. I sucked at relationships. I screw them up any chance I get unintentionally. Ray has been the only person to stick around longer than a year. Hell, we'd been buddies since 3rd grade! Losing him now when I needed all the support I could get would crush me. It made me fear my relationship with Gerard even more.
Ray pulled into an empty space, nearly crashing into another car's bumper for staring Christa. She was standing near the entrance, like she was waiting. "Look Frank, love you buddy, but I've gotta ditch you. I'm supposed to meet up with Christa so we can talk before class. I'll catch up with you later," he promised as he gathered his things together.
"It's cool, you go have fun ya crazy kid," I laughed while getting out of the truck.
"Thanks man, you're the best!" He was already running to her before I could respond. I smiled. 'Little Ray, our metal loving, quiet Ray is all grown up.' Four years ago when we entered highschool, we both would've never dared to look at anyone. We were the pathetic weird kids. He was quiet and too shy to talk to other people. I was just insignificant, still am. Now look at us, taking all these risks. Ray was tough and cool, going after his dream girl and gaining popularity. I was still uncool and small, and going after the sexiest teacher and man in all of creation. Yep, that was what had become of our lives.
When I awoke from my dreamless slumber, it was already 7:30 am. There was a god awful, bitter taste in my mouth from where I was too sleepy to brush my teeth last night. I rose out of bed, still groggy from having only just waking up. I stumbled to the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself in the full vanity mirror. My hair was in complete disarray and getting greasy, my eyeliner a little smeared, and lines covered my face and arms from sleeping in the same weird position all night. Tired of feeling sweaty, I decided to take a nice hot shower. It always helped to wake me up in the mornings.
I turned the dial as far as it would go, steam quickly began to fill the room and fog the mirror. I removed my comfy pajamas and got in. The water was piping hot, just how I liked it. Water droplets washed all over my body and through my hair, ridding me of the sweat and grime from yesterday. Once my body had adjusted to the temperature, I grabbed the bottle of tea leaf infused shampoo and squeezed a generous amount into my hair. I massaged my scalp, lathering it as thoroughly as possible before rinsing. Then I applied a bit of the same brand conditioner through my tufts. I left it in for a few minutes as I lathered the rest of my body with soap, then washed myself off completely and stepped out. Fluffy grey towels awaited me, which felt very warm after getting out of boiling water back into the frigid air. I wrapped one around my waist as I dried out my hair, then placed that over my shoulders and headed back to my room. I was so modest though I'm not sure why, considering I live alone in my own house.
I perused through my closet, trying to decide what to wear today. It really shouldn't matter, but I've seen the way Frank looks at me. If I had to look nice, it'd be for him. 'For Frankie, my porcelain skinned, dark haired sweetheart.' He was gorgeous for his age, he'd only mature and his beauty increase over time. I'm not sure how I'll be able to handle myself then. I could hardly control myself around him now.
I pulled out a plain black, formal button up and dressy jeans that could easily be mistaken for trousers. They hugged my hips snugly, which I knew he would like. I let the towel around my waist fall to the floor and pulled on my pants, not bothering to put on boxers. 'Only three days in the school year, and I am already slacking off.' It was Friday, which meant I only had to make it through today and could rest all weekend. I would get to see Frankie, hopefully make him blush that adorable shade of pink, catch him staring at me, something to entertain me.
I reapplied some eyeliner. It wasn't very noticeable, just enough to make my eyes stand out. I was looking pretty pale today. It was probably from the lack of exposure. Even when I was outside (which was occasional), I usually wore long sleeves or hoodies and jeans, so my skin didn't see the sunlight that often. In fact, yesterday was the first time in weeks I willingly stayed out. Odd.
By that time it was already 8. Luckily, I didn't have to get there at the same time as everyone else since my first class didn't start till 9:15. I usually left the house around 8:55. The school was only about 10 minutes away.
I descended down the steps, quickly running my hands through my hair to smooth it out before it dried all crazy. Once I got to the kitchen, I turned on the coffee pot so it could brew while I made breakfast. Toast didn't sound good, nor did cereal or eggs. 'Pizza! From last night!' I remembered. I went into the living room where I had left the box and plate yesterday. I had been too tired to take care of it when I woke up at midnight. The pizza was room temperature, which was fine with me. I set the remainder of it in the fridge for later. I knew I wouldn't be hungry later-I had really splurged with eating four slices last night and one this morning. My stomach had shrunk from not eating recently and I shouldn't over do it. Soon my coffee was done brewing. I got out my favorite mug and poured the liquid black gold to the rim. My mug was bright red and had the silhouette of a magician on it. I don't know what it was about it that I liked. Maybe it was the childish, comic-book feel or how the silhouette left the actual image of the magician to the owner's perception. Perhaps the standoffish red...
I sat down at the enormous dining room table- large enough to sit 8 comfortably- and ate my pizza and drank my coffee leisurely. Only two chairs were left out though. I rarely had company, but I thought I should be prepared for a guest anyway. I wrapped my cold hands around the steamy mug and sipped little by little. I could feel the heat branch out through my chest and down into my stomach. The house was completely silent, just the way I hated it. I turned on my Smart TV and clicked on Pandora. The Misfits Channel was the first to grab my attention and started listening to it. I downed the rest of my coffee as Hybrid Moments ended and ran back upstairs to the bathroom to fix up my hair. It was still a bit damp, so I could work with it. I rubbed a bit of Axe styling paste into my fingers and ran them through my hair. I parted my hair to the right and pushed my bangs over. I made it a little messy on the sides. All in all it turned out pretty good. 'Frankie will love it, and that's all I care about.'
-Frank's POV-
When I woke up that Friday morning, it was only 7 am. Yesterday afternoon when I got home had been pretty normal. Mom wasn't home so I cooked a frozen dinner and worked on stupid homework. Went to bed somewhere around midnight because I was busy downloading music and thinking about Gerard. I really think he might like me... maybe just a little bit and as a friend, but he likes me. Of course I was about to ruin that. I had a knack for screwing up every friend relationship I'd ever had. Practically everyone has hated me for the past 17 years of my life, no one would even dare think of me as a boyfriend. Nobody, which included both boys and girls damnit! I guess it would be easier to lie to Gerard and end what little I had built up to be our relationship. Even our oh-so-holy Lord didn't pity me, He clearly wasn't too keen on helping me out.
I had to drag my lifeless shell of a body out of bed and into the bathroom, where I took a quick shower. 'If I have to leave him, Lord, at least let me look good while doing it.' After that I headed back to my room. Still rolling with the whole 'going out in style' thing, I pulled out a grey denim button up shirt-I only had it from my days in Catholic school-and black jeans, which were very skinny. The collar was pushed down enough to reveal a bit of my scorpion tattoo that I had gotten for my 17th birthday. 'Put on a show... Leave him wanting to see more.' The tattoo was a major rebellion against my mom. Being her only kid, she has always been over-protective and kept me on a tight leash. "I just don't want my baby to grow up!" She would say. She really hated it and didn't approve at first, but got used to it. I have an odd fascination of tattoos. Something about using your body as canvas to colour and fill intrigues me. I want a ton of other ones, I just don't have to money to get them (story of my whole damn life...)
I carefully put on my clothes, making sure everything was perfect and alluring 'in all the right places.' Gerard had that effect on me, damn him. I surprised myself at the lengths I was going to to look good for one person... even when that person was pure sex. I haven't cared about personal appearance for years and now he's gone and changed that. He's a thousand times more attractive and lovable when compared to me-anyone, for that matter- so I feel compelled to try and make it fair for him. I'm pretty sure he's not even human though. 'Maybe he is some dark, fallen angel come to rescue me from this shithole.' When I really thought about it, beauty like his was probably coveted by the angels themselves.
I tried to fix my hair a little, adding some gel so my bangs would stay to the right and hang over my eyes a little. Eyeliner, of course, was a given. It made my eyes (one of my few good features) stand out, so I usually wear it lavishly. Content with my overall appearance, I headed downstairs right as I heard a honk from the driveway. It was Toro, on time as usual. I grabbed my bag and Pansy. Skipping breakfast wasn't a big deal, my stomach was in knots about Gerard anyway.
"See ya Mom!" Shit, I hadn't told her I got detention yet. I didn't want her to freak out if I wasn't home on time, but I wasn't going to tell her I had already gotten in trouble either. "Uh, I'll be home late. I'm hanging out with Ray after school," I called out. Well it technically was true...
"Alright, have fun!" she yelled back. I went out the door and set my crap down in the bed of the truck. Ray greeted me as I hopped in the front.
"Hey shorty, someone's looking all dressed up. What's the occasion?" At least I knew I looked good now.
"Kill the height jokes, Toro, or I'll bring back to afro puns." He was quiet after that. "That's what I thought. And nothing special. Just wanted to look decent instead of terrible for once. Did you have as much homework as me? Damn, it's like they already hate us. I read some of that infernal-no-Inferno book. Wasn't that bad, read worse. What'd you do yesterday"
"Pretty much the same, worked on homework. I'm already tired of this year... three days in. But it's finally fucking Friday! We could go to the bookstore by Starbucks later, ya know, after you get out of detention. What the hell Frank? You're already asking to get expelled with that record of yours." Everyone knew I didn't give a shit about doing what was right. I did what I wanted and if you don't like it FUCK YOU! because I don't care. That rule applied to classmates, teachers, staff, the whole lot of them. That's why people stayed away from me. I was hard to be around with my temper and attitude. I'd bite their heads off in an instant if they got in the way. Lord knows why Ray and Mikey stick around...
"Well screw Cothran for being a bitch. It was just music! And I had plenty else to say to that jackass beside me. Would've if she hadn't interrupted..." Ray only laughed at that. He knew I was serious and would have told that kid off in a heartbeat; it was funny because it was so true.
"Yeah yeah, hold yourself back next time okay? Can't have you staying after school when we could be doing something," he chastised. Like I said before, Ray was the protector of our group and held us all together. He's the silent mastermind that kept the gears turning.
"Yes sir Daddy 'Fro," I teased, chuckling. Soon after the school came into view. Cheerleaders were standing outside in their usual cliques consisting of other cheerleaders and their boyfriends. You could see the terrible, overpowering makeup from a mile back, increasingly getting worse as you got closer. It made me want to run for the hills. Ray wasn't into the makeup, but he certainly appreciated the tight skirts and low tops. Over the years of working at the mechanics shop, he had acquired muscles and was pretty buff. Girls were starting to notice, which he was loving. He currently had his eyes set for one chick in particular named Christa. She had a fair complexion, nice teeth, and wavy dark brown hair. Ray was starting to get popular, which concerned me. I was happy for him of course, that he was getting new friends and hanging with cooler people, but the thought of me losing him as my best friend scared me. I sucked at relationships. I screw them up any chance I get unintentionally. Ray has been the only person to stick around longer than a year. Hell, we'd been buddies since 3rd grade! Losing him now when I needed all the support I could get would crush me. It made me fear my relationship with Gerard even more.
Ray pulled into an empty space, nearly crashing into another car's bumper for staring Christa. She was standing near the entrance, like she was waiting. "Look Frank, love you buddy, but I've gotta ditch you. I'm supposed to meet up with Christa so we can talk before class. I'll catch up with you later," he promised as he gathered his things together.
"It's cool, you go have fun ya crazy kid," I laughed while getting out of the truck.
"Thanks man, you're the best!" He was already running to her before I could respond. I smiled. 'Little Ray, our metal loving, quiet Ray is all grown up.' Four years ago when we entered highschool, we both would've never dared to look at anyone. We were the pathetic weird kids. He was quiet and too shy to talk to other people. I was just insignificant, still am. Now look at us, taking all these risks. Ray was tough and cool, going after his dream girl and gaining popularity. I was still uncool and small, and going after the sexiest teacher and man in all of creation. Yep, that was what had become of our lives.
Notes
Update, yay! Hope you enjoyed it. I may not be able to update tomorrow (possibly going on a day trip with friends) so I made this one slightly longer. Sorry in advance if I don't update, hope you all understand. Please leave your comments and suggestions below.
-xo OfSaintsandSinners
Love it.
1/25/16