Through Death and Despair

They've tarnished my beauty to produce perfection.
Was it really worth it though? Every time they look at me, just to see a monster an ugly, toxic beast. Dipped in radioactive chemicals and injected with every chemical compound within their reach. Skin thin and pale, as if one touch would send me cracking like glass. My sunken cheeks and tired eyes appeared glazed with a molten pewter tone. They made me into the perfect, fatal monstrosity ever imagined. Golden, warm skin, now faded and marred.
Eyes now a painfully electric burst of green. Unnatural in every way. No way to cover it up or conceal the sharpened prongs that peaked their way from behind my lips whenever they willed their way past my gums. It was awful.
I look like a sick science experiment that just escaped a lab.

Well, I did. This was better than living in that prison. I grabbed a pair of scissors and began cutting away at the long wefts of white hair, cutting the sides extremely short.
The middle stayed long, like a picture i saw in a magazine; a faux-hawk sort of hair style. Hmmm... No, it still didn't look right, so I snipped a few inches away from the middle section. The gas station mirror was really cloudy, and the lights gave it a sort of grungy feel. White hair isn't normal out here... I have to dye it or I’ll be recognized! Although i looked much... older. Now with the new haircut. I had ditched the old white clothes and swapped them out for something more suitable I hate the color white. Like the color of my old home. Nothing but an agonizing reminder of the screams of torture that had made me weep.
No... I'm NOT just weak, defenseless T-17. I'm better. They can't hurt me, so why go through all the struggle to change so drastically? I just want to forget and fucking move on. This is the way it has to be. I dug in my pockets, pulling out the random assortment of colored hair dye I had...borrowed.

I smiled at myself in the mirror before opening up a tube of red dye. "I can finally have a normal life... For once."

It felt wet against the sides of my skull, eww. I had another tube of dye, Jet Black and massaged it through the long, ashen hair hanging in front of me.
Perfection. I waited, staring at the locked door with a bored look. I turned the faucet on and ducked my head under the chilly stream that flowed from it.
The excess color bled down the drain and i used paper towels to dry my wet, soppy hair.
It was beautiful....th-theres... no more white... All of its gone.. Replaced by a blood red and inky black. For once, I smiled. A REAL smile. I couldn't help but feel joy as I looked in the mirror. For once, I liked what I saw.
I pushed open the door and exited into the main gas station.

"Hey kid!"


I froze. It was the cashier, waving at me from behind the counter. I winced, shuffling my way back to her awkwardly. I bit my lip. "I-Is something wrong?"

She rolled her eyes, dismissing it. "Nah, I just wanted to say that I like your hair." She looked about my age, with BROWN hair, smiling warmly. Her pale cheeks held a slight, pink tint to them



Was she....Infatuated with me? I'd heard of things like this before, so maybe I’ll use it to my advantage. It made me feel bad, manipulating people. But I need some stuff and I sure as hell couldn't live out here without any money, or food and water for that matter.

I put on the act, lips pulling into a thin smile. "Thanks sugar." I winked, and a blush made its way across her skin as i leaned on the counter.

She giggled, "N-no problem, hot stuff." She batted her eyelashes, pushing her chest out a bit, allowing me to see all the way down. I had to force myself to stay in character. I can't give myself away... She was fucking disgusting. Just the smell of her cheap perfume made me want to wretch. I choked back the bile that rose from my aching stomach, forcing lung fulls down just to make it believable. I raked my eyes over her, watching her swoon. Humans are so odd....

I continued to play the part to a T, spewing out a bunch of provocative bullshit about how 'lovely' she was. I couldn't help but feel disgust as my hand met hers, and I internally cringed. This had better be fucking worth it. I tuned in, just to hear a few meaningless things.

She giggled madly, holding my hand. "You're so adorable! I could just eat you up!” stupid woman. You're so fucking close that I’m surprised that my face isn't gone yet! I wanted to scream at her for being so trustworthy, she was falling right into my hands... I fought the urge to roll my eyes. She leaned forward, elbows propped up on the counter. My eyes felt like they were on fire. “So cutie-" She stopped mid-sentence, staring at my eyes in disbelief. "H-How..." Shit. Our cover was just blown.
Before she finished her sentence I bolted out the door. My lungs were burning after I had finally stopped. It felt like I was running forever, down unlit alleys.

Shit. This is just fucking perfect. I don't have anywhere to sleep or anything because of the stupid side affects! It was my fault, I was the one who got all hot-headed and blew our cover...I looked around, instead of moping any longer. I had ran all the way to an abandoned building, crumbling and decaying in black mold. I grimaced at the smell. Well. I guess this was home for the night....

Notes

I really need your advice on this. It was just something I had in a notebook of mine, and I'm not too sure about this one. Don't worry, I won't get offended or anything if you think this is kinda a piece of crap, because I kinda do too. Just be very honest with me about this, okay? I might end up deleting this and starting something else that I have more confidence in :)

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