Mikey’s P.O.V.

“And if you need to talk, Mikes, just call me, okay?”

I nodded, if nothing else, to humor Gerard. I haven’t been doing so well without the heroine, and as of late, Gerard refused to let me leave the house without eating. Mom had come down from New York to look after me, as per Gerard’s request, but I could tell she didn’t want to be here.

Gerard kissed my forehead and sighed softly. “I love you, Mikes. Please don’t do anything that you’ll regret.”

I nodded again, sighing. “Go, Gerard. You haven’t been spending much time with Frank lately, and I think you two need some time alone together.” I gave him a tight hug, nearly reluctant to let him go. “I’ll see you in a month, Gee.”

“I’ll call as often as I can, Mikey, I promise.” He ruffled my hair and grabbed his bags. “Make sure you eat enough! And take care of yourself! And-”

“He gets it, Gerard,” Frank chuckled, grabbing Gerard’s arm. “C’mon, he’s not an idiot.”

As Frank pulled Gerard out of the house, I waved goodbye to them. As soon as they had pulled out of the garage and drove off, mom gathered the bags she had packed.

“Mom? Where are you-”

“I’m going back to New York, Michael,” she said, refusing to look at me. “I’m not staying in the same house as a junkie.”

“Mom, I’ve stopped-”

“Michael James Way, you will not argue with me!” I flinched as she raised her voice. “You, young man, are nothing to me. You are not my son.”

That cut me to the core, making me feel even worse than before I started taking drugs. “M-Mommy-”

She left the house, completely brushing me off. The door slammed and I started sobbing, running up the stairs and into my room.

I went for my phone, prepared to call Gerard and tell him that mom left me. I stopped, though, remembering that he hadn’t had any alone time with Frank since all this began. He had been too busy trying to get me clean and getting me to eat to have even a few minutes with his boyfriend. My next thought was to call Justin, but for all I knew, he was probably being fucked by Brendon as this was going on.

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. Justin and Brendon both meant a lot to me, really, but it disturbed me to see that they were together. My ex and my best friend… how fucked up was that? I wanted nothing more than to get back together with Brendon, but at the same time, I knew that Justin deserved to be happy, too, especially after what happened to him.

Then again, Pete’s the reason why I’m not with Brendon anymore. He’s the reason why I started taking heroin, the reason why I’ve been purging. I feel so dirty because I let him do this to me.

I stared at the mirror on the wall, looking back at my reflection. I could see my bones, but my mind refused to process this- I was still fat. I was still ugly. I was still a whore, a junkie, a faggot, and just about anything and everything in between.

I walked into the bathroom, kneeling next to the toilet. I breathed deeply and stuck my long fingers into my mouth, forcing them to move to the back of my throat. I vomited into the toilet, and normally, once was enough, but I went further this time.

The third time around, I felt strange. I looked down into the toilet cautiously, fear clawing my insides as I saw blood mixed into the bile. I felt something drip from my lips. I wiped at it and found more blood on my hand.

I passed out right there, hearing someone call my name from downstairs.

…

Something warm was lying next to me, making me feel safe. I wondered if I was dead, but then I heard the beeping of a heart monitor. It occurred to me that I wasn’t dead, but that didn’t really make me feel much better. I opened my eyes, glancing up at Justin, whose eyes were red from tears, and Brendon, his expression conveying concern. Confused, I took off the oxygen mask that was on my face and set it aside. Justin pulled me in for a gentle embrace, sniffling softly.

“I’m so sorry, Mikes,” he whispered. He sounded like he had been crying. Concerned, I attempted to reassure him.

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Justin. I just… I pushed a little too hard.”

We fell silent. Justin’s arms were still wrapped around me, and it suddenly occurred to me that Brendon might feel a bit awkward- I mean, his boyfriend holding his ex would probably seem pretty weird. I was about to say something when I felt Justin’s lips against mine. Surprise gripped me, but to my surprise, I didn’t fight back.

When we finally broke apart, I barely managed to squeak, “J-J-Justin… Br-Brendon’s right there!”

“I know,” Justin sighed, “We… we broke up. I was in love with what he did for us, rather than who he was, Mikey. I was really touched that he would defend the two of us from that monster… and I tricked myself into thinking I loved him.” He pecked my lips and added, “I’ve loved you since the beginning. Your smile, your laugh, your awkward knees… I love everything about you, flaws and all. It really hurts to see you doing this to yourself.” He began to stroke my cheek, trying to make me see it his way. “I love you, Mikey. I love you so much… please stop hurting yourself like this.”

Brendon stood, smiling at us. “I’ll give you guys a few minutes.” As he left the room, I couldn’t help but feel relieved. It would still be awkward, that was true, but it could’ve been far worse than that.

I rested my head on Justin’s shoulder, sighing softly. I felt really tired, but I didn’t really want to sleep. “Justin?”

“Yeah, Mikey?”

“Did you really love me for that long?”

Justin blushed, nodding. “It’s a bit silly, isn’t it?”

I laughed softly before kissing his cheek. “A little. But really, it’s sweet. Actually, I kind of feel like a dick for doing that to you.”

“Don’t feel like that, Mikes,” Justin murmured, holding me close, “You just didn’t know.” He began to stroke my hair softly, slowly lulling me to sleep. He kissed my hair and added, “Go to sleep, Mikey. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

“Promise?” I asked childishly.

“I promise, Mikey,” Justin murmured, rubbing my lower back. He kissed me softly and held me close as sleep took me.

…

I woke up the next morning feeling happier than I’ve ever felt since breaking up with Brendon. I glanced up at Justin, smiling at his sleeping face. His arms were still wrapped around me, making me feel like nothing could hurt me.

“Hey, Mikey. Good morning.”

I looked over at the voice and saw Brendon with a Starbucks latte in his hand. He looked tired, as though he had stayed up the entire night.

“Good morning, Brendon,” I mumbled quietly.

Brendon grabbed one of the other two coffees sitting on the nightstand and handed it to me. I thanked him and took a small sip of the coffee, savoring the taste.

“How are you feeling, Mikes?” Brendon asked, sitting in the chair next to the bed.

“Better,” I sighed softly. I leaned over to kiss Justin’s cheek. “When can I get out of here?”

“They said you’ll be allowed to leave in a few hours. They need to check a few things and prescribe some pain medication, but other than that, you’ll be fine soon.” Brendon sighed softly, running his fingers through his hair. “To be honest, when we found you on the floor, I didn’t think you’d be okay. You scared us to death, Mikey.”

I looked down at the cup of coffee in my hands. “I’m sorry, Brendon. I just… I felt so fat and ugly and disgusting-”

“Mikey, calm down,” Brendon said, setting his coffee down. “It’s okay. What matters is that you’re alive. That’s all Justin and I care about.” He pulled me in for an embrace, kissing the top of my head. “Gerard told us to check in on you as often as possible… he, uh, he didn’t think your mom would stick around to look after you. I’m glad we found you then, because I don’t know what we’d do if you died or something.” He pulled back a little, enough to be able to look me in the eyes. “I’ve already called Gerard about this. He’ll be here soon-”

“Oh, shit,” I sighed. I had just ruined yet another opportunity for Gerard and Frank to have some time together.

“Gerard told me to tell you that it’s okay,” Brendon quickly told me upon hearing my tone. “Actually, he said that he probably would’ve come home early, anyway.”

“That doesn’t make me feel any better, Brendon.”

Brendon sighed softly. “Okay, let’s just change the topic.” He gave me a small smile and asked, “How’d things go between you two last night?”

…

Gerard decided that it had been too soon to leave for an extended period of time and promised Frank that he’d reschedule their little getaway. I still felt guilty for forcing them to end it early, but Frank reassured me that everything was fine and that Gerard should be helping me through this.

We decided to have dinner together, just the five of us. Frank and Gerard spent hours in the kitchen, which left Justin, Brendon, and I to hang out.

I’d be lying if I said that it wasn’t a little awkward. However, we managed to get around that by watching some horror movies. I was snuggled up against Justin’s chest, watching some chick being ripped apart on the screen as he held me close. Brendon wasn’t too far away, completely engrossed in the movie.

Slowly but surely, the tension was starting to level out. It became less awkward to be in the same room with Brendon and Justin at once, which really took quite a bit of stress away. Content, I snuggled closer to Justin, sighing softly. He kissed my forehead, smiling as he pressed me to his chest.

There was a knock on my door before it opened. Frank popped his head in and said, “Dinner’s ready, guys.”

I shut off the television and removed the DVD from the player, putting it away before I took Justin’s hand. We walked down the stairs and into the dining room, where Gerard had set everything up.

“Jesus, Gerard,” I said, “You’ve really outdone yourself.”

Gerard rolled his eyes. “Well, I’m not going to invite three other people to dinner and make macaroni and cheese or some shit.” He took his seat next to Frank and added, “Anyway, you really need to eat. The doctor said that you haven’t been getting the nutrients you need, which is why your body shut down on you. I’m not letting you go through that again, Mikey.”

Justin sat down beside me, pecking my cheek. “Agreed. Baby, I don’t want to see you hurt yourself.”

“Can we please stop talking about it?” I asked as I placed some pasta on my dish, “I just want to put that behind me.”

“Of course, Mikey,” Justin said. We began to discuss the horror movie we had been watching mere minutes ago, putting the incident behind us.

…

Justin and I had the house to ourselves a few days later. Gerard and Frank were out on a date, and Brendon was out with Ryan and Spencer. We had been watching Happy Tree Friends when Justin paused it.

“What’s wrong, Justin?” I asked, noting the look on his face.

“Mikey, my aunt is really sick,” he sighed, “I have to leave for a little while to help take care of her.”

“Oh, Justin…” I wrapped my arms tightly around him, kissing his cheek. “I’m so sorry, baby.”

Justin wiped at a few tears that had begun to fall from his eyes. I held him tighter, offering my shoulder for him to cry on. “She’ll get better, Justin…”

“I really hope so, Mikey,” he sighed, “She’s the best. I don’t want to lose her, y’know?”

I nodded, “I know, baby. I understand. She needs you more than I do.”

“Mikey, I promise that I’ll check in on you often. I’ll call every chance I get and-”

I chuckled softly. “I know you will, Justin. I know you will.” I rested my head on his shoulder, sighing softly. “I’ll feel a bit lonely, but I know that you’ll only be a phone call away.”

Justin cupped my cheek and softly pressed his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, and his found their way around my waist. Slowly, the kiss became more passionate. I was soon lying on the floor, with Justin straddling my hips. We broke the kiss due to the need for air, but we both knew it was just the beginning.

“Um… should we move this to the bed?” Justin asked, flustered.

I nodded quickly, “Yes, that would be great.”

Justin helped me up, only to push me down onto my bed. He pressed his crotch against mine, his lips attacking mine as he grinded down on me. I moaned against his lips as his tongue slipped into my mouth, exploring me. I pushed my hips up, meeting his. The friction only excited me further as I began tug at the bottom of his shirt. He got the hint and slipped it off, with mine soon joining it on the floor.

As Justin kissed my pulse, I felt his fingers fumbling with the button of my jeans. I helped him unbutton them and he slowly unzipped them, sliding my jeans and boxers off all at once. I suddenly felt very exposed, very self-conscious about my body.

Justin seemed to notice and pulled away for a moment, looking down at me through eyes that were clouded with lust, yet still conveyed true love. “You’re so beautiful, Mikey.” He pressed a kiss to my heart before sliding his tongue across one of my nipples. I gasped softly, yearning for more of his lovingly lustful touches.

His jeans and boxers soon joined mine on the floor. While we made out, I caught him by surprise and flipped us over so that I was on top. I kissed my way down his body until I got to his dick. My tongue ran across the slit, eliciting a moan of pleasure from Justin’s lips. His positive reaction prompted me to slowly take his hardened length into my mouth.

Justin’s hands rested on my head, lightly tugging on my dark locks. My tongue scraped along the underside of his cock, relishing in his moans.

“Fuck, Mikey,” Justin breathed. I smirked around his cock and sucked harder, his moans further arousing me.

Finally, I released his length. Justin questioned me about the whereabouts of the lube before retrieving it. After he found it, he lubed up his fingers and slid one into me, lightly nipping my neck as he prepped me. I pushed back against his fingers, craving more. I began to grand against his leg as he slipped in a second. By the time he got to the third, I was practically shivering in anticipation.

Justin laid me down on the bed and had me lift my legs up. Slowly, he pushed into me, letting me get used to the sensation. I could tell that he didn’t want to hurt me, especially after what we had both been through.

“You can move a little faster, baby,” I assured him, kissing him softly. “I’m okay. I’ll let you know if you’re hurting me.”

Justin slowly picked up the pace, carefully watching me for any signs of pain. Each time was a little faster, a little harder, and a little deeper. As he began to search for my sweet spot, he began to kiss up and down my neck. My hands found their way to Justin’s back and my fingernails dug lightly into his back. Justin had built up a rhythm, and I could feel myself growing closer.

I let out a scream of pain and pleasure as Justin hit my prostate. “Fuck, Justin, faster!”

He struck my prostate harder, making me come closer to my orgasm. I could tell that he was close, too, but not willing to be the first to cum. He pressed his lips harshly to mine, conveying his feelings to me in a very clear way.

I came hard against him, gasping his name. He followed soon after, his cum filling me. He collapsed onto the bed, snuggling close to me. He kissed me softly, bringing me close.

“I’m going to miss you, Just,” I sighed softly. He kissed my forehead, holding me tightly.

“When you think about it, Mikey, it’s not going to be that long,” Justin murmured, “I’ll be back before you know it.” He brought me in for one last kiss before pulling the blankets around us. I snuggled close to his chest, drifting off in his arms.

Notes