Gives You Hell
Slipping Away
Brendon’s P.O.V.
When I went downstairs to get some coffee, I found Gerard at the coffee maker, a look of anger on his face. Gerard gave me a glare, to which I responded with one of my own.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Gerard asked, stepping over to me. “You fuck my little brother, then you break up with him and send him into this horrible depression. Then you turn around and fuck his best friend, who is the reason why you two broke up in the first place and why Mikey’s now on drugs and starving himself.”
“I didn’t think something like this would even happen, Gerard,” I said, trying to defend myself. “I just… I shouldn’t have even kissed him. If I had known that this would happen, I would’ve just stayed in the friend zone. I still really care about him-”
“Then why would you do this to him?”
“I don’t know! I just… after I beat up Pete for what he did to Mikey, Justin… we just… we kissed!”
“Hold up,” Gerard said, “What did Pete do to my little brother?”
I hesitated, not quite sure how to go about this. How was I supposed to tell him that his brother had been raped? I sighed, knowing that I would have to give him an answer.
“You know that concert Mikey went to a few days ago?” Gerard nodded. “Pete had invited the three of us, but Justin refused to go… Pete had, uh… Pete raped him a few days before.” I tried to ignore the look of shock on Gerard’s face as I continued. “Pete had drugged Mikey at the concert, and I was about to take him home when Pete took him instead. I tried to stop him, but Andy assured me that everything would be fine.” I swallowed hard. “I had no idea that anything had happened until… until Pete sent me a picture-”
“Let me see the picture,” Gerard said.
“Gerard, it’s-”
“Let. Me. See. The. Picture.”
I nodded and sighed, pulling out my phone. I pulled up the picture and slowly handed it to Gerard. Gerard looked like he was going to be sick.
“Pete raped him. Pete raped Mikey, and I could’ve prevented that…” I whispered, “I didn’t, and that’s how all this started. I’m so sorry, Gerard.”
“He never told me,” Gerard whispered, sitting down, “He didn’t tell me that Pete raped him? He… he didn’t tell me about the drugs or the anorexia… what else hasn’t he told me?” Gerard gave me a helpless look. “What else is my brother hiding from me?”
“As far as I know,” I said, “Nothing else. Gerard, I understand that you’re mad at me for being with Justin. I understand that Mikey will be upset… I just… he needs to know. I need to tell him.”
Gerard seemed rattled by what he had just discovered. “Y-you’re right… I am mad at you. But you just told me this, and I realize that you’re not the only cause. I’m sorry, Brendon, and I’ll let Justin know that I’m sorry… but that doesn’t change that what you’re doing now is hurting Mikey.”
“Which is why I need to talk to him.”
Gerard nodded. “Yeah. You really do. And if he tries to kill himself, tries anything that’ll hurt him, I know who to blame.”
“Mikey? Can we… can we talk?”
Mikey nodded, prompting me to close the door. I sat down on the bed, across from where he sat. Immediately, he asked, “Is this about you and Justin?”
I nodded, “Yeah. Look, Mikey, I know it’s a dick move, but-”
“I get it, Brendon. Look, I have no say in who you date. I have no say in who Justin dates. It’s awkward, and, yes, it is a dick move, but I do understand. Things like this happen, and I have to accept that.” Mikey sighed, pulling his knees up to his chest. “Gerard said that Justin was being a shit friend. I’d agree if Justin wasn’t one of my only friends. He’s not a shit friend… he was there by my side since day one. I’m not willing to throw that all away over this. As long as you two keep the kissing and the loving to a minimum when you’re around me… then fine. Fuck all you want.”
I got up and pulled Mikey into a tight hug. “I swear, Mikey… I still care for you. I still want you to smile and laugh and be happy. I want you to stop with the drugs and stop starving yourself. Justin feels so guilty about this… I think it would be best if you two talked, too.”
Mikey nodded and sighed shakily. “I will. I need him to know that he’s still me best friend.”
“Good,” I said, smiling. I kissed the top of his head and added, “I want you both to be happy, Mikey.”
I laid down next to Justin, panting hard. Gerard had taken Mikey home a few hours ago, and Frank had gone out for a job interview, so we had the house to ourselves.
“I just… I can’t believe that he’s okay with this,” Justin panted, laying his head down on my chest. “I would’ve thought that he’d hate my guts.”
“He told me that he didn’t want to lose any of his friends. That’s really bittersweet,” I sighed, kissing his forehead.
Justin gave me a loving smile. “I… I really hope he gets better. I hate seeing him like this.”
I nodded before bringing him in for a soft kiss. “Go to sleep, babe. You sound tired.”
Justin nodded and sighed in content. He was soon sound asleep, which left me to my thoughts.
Justin and I fell in love after all this drama happened… which brought something to my mind.
Maybe Justin didn’t love me… rather, he loved what I did. I defended the two of them, beat the shit out of Pete after he raped them. Maybe he was so touched, he convinced himself that he was in love.
I didn’t want to think like that, so I pushed that thought away. Surely it was just me doubting myself.
A few days later, the two of us were making out on my bed. The thought still nagged at me as I nipped at Justin’s collarbone, and I continued to ignore it. Finally, Justin stopped me.
“Brendon… I’m really not in the mood for sex,” he said, “I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, it’s fine, Justin,” I murmured, kissing him, “It’s fine. I understand. We have a whole month, anyway, so I’m in no hurry.”
Frank and Gerard were out of state, so the two of us were alone for the next month. Mikey’s mother was supposed to be taking care of him, but she left a day after Gerard did. Gerard had thought that she wouldn’t stick around, so he asked me to check in on Mikey often, to which I agreed to do.
“Justin… I have a really serious question.”
“Yes, Brendon?”
“Are you really in love with me,” I asked, “or are you in love with what I did for you and Mikey?”
Justin furrowed his eyebrows and opened his mouth, as though he were going to say something, then closed it again. “Brendon… what do you mean?”
“Justin, we could barely stand each other when Mikey and I started going out. You hated me. We sort of became friends after you were raped, and after I beat up Pete for what he did… you kissed me. So… are you in love with me, or do you only think you’re in love because of what I did for you and Mikey?”
“I… I really don’t know, Bren,” Justin sighed, resting his head on my shoulder. “Um… before you and Mikey were a thing, I had this insane crush on him. I… I still do. He’s just… he’s a wonderful, beautiful person, both inside and out. He makes my heart soar and- oh my god." Justin gave me a guilty look. “Brendon, I’m sorry-”
“Don’t be, Justin,” I said, kissing his forehead. “I had no idea that you loved him for so long. It kinda makes me feel like a douche.”
“Well,” Justin sighed, “At least you’re not the one that forcefully took away my virginity.”
I sighed and pulled Justin closer to me. “Justin… if you really love him… you need to tell him. He needs this now more than ever. I’d rather you date the one you’ve loved for so long rather than the one you only think you love.” I gave him one last kiss on the lips. “C’mon… let’s go tell Mikey right now that you love him. Let’s try to get things back to normal.”
Justin smiled at me as we stood up off the bed. He pulled me into a hug, his arms wrapped around my neck. “Thank you so much for understanding, Brendon.”
Mikey wasn’t answering the door when we arrived at his house. Justin looked like he had lost all hope when I remembered something from the very first time I came. I checked the door and, sure enough, it was unlocked.
“I swear,” I sighed, “That kid really needs to learn to keep the door locked.” Justin nodded in agreement and followed me into the house, which was eerily quiet. An uneasy feeling set in my stomach as I called Mikey’s name.
“Maybe he’s sleeping?” Justin suggested.
I shook my head. “Mikey’s a pretty light sleeper… unless it’s after sex.”
Justin’s face turned pink, signaling that he didn’t really need to know that. I moved upstairs and checked Mikey’s bedroom. Nobody was present.
“Brendon!” Justin sounded frantic when he called my name. I ran out of Mikey’s room and into the bathroom, where I found Mikey trembling in Justin’s arms. A little blood dripped from Mikey’s lips and he looked extremely pale. I looked into the toilet and discovered that Mikey had been purging a bit too much, as there was blood present.
“I’ll call an ambulance,” I said, snapping out of my daze. Justin nodded and ran his fingers gently through Mikey’s soft locks.
Justin was curled up next to Mikey in the hospital bed, tears streaming from his eyes. I rubbed his arm, offering what comfort I could to Justin as he watched Mikey sleep.
There had been a small tear in Mikey’s stomach lining, which was easily patched up through surgery. Currently, an IV drip was supplying the nutrients that Mikey hadn’t been receiving, wires monitored his heart rate, and an oxygen mask had been placed over his pale face, assisting in the effort to breathe.
The doctor said that Mikey would be okay. I found it hard to believe, considering how tiny he looked in the bed, but I was assured that Mikey would be ready to leave by tomorrow evening. I had already called Gerard, who promised to be back within the next few hours. I was sure to get an earful for this, but frankly, that was the last thing on my mind.
“He’ll be okay, Justin,” I said, kissing his forehead. I placed a kiss onto Mikey’s as well, offering whatever comfort I could to the two. “Get some rest. I’ll wake you if he wakes up.”
Justin quietly thanked me before his eyes slid shut letting sleep take him. I shrugged off my jacket and draped it over the two of them, sighing heavily. It was sure to be a long night.
I was starting to doze off when Mikey shifted in his sleep. I immediately snapped out of it, closely watching Mikey for any signs of waking. Once I was sure that Mikey really was waking up, I shook Justin lightly.
As soon as Mikey’s eyes opened, he made a confused sound. His hand went for the oxygen mask that obscured his features, and he slipped if off. Justin brought him in for a gently hug, a sigh of relief escaping him.
“I’m so sorry, Mikes,” Justin whimpered.
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Justin,” Mikey sighed softly, “I just… I pushed a little too hard.”
For a few minutes, it was silent- just Mikey being held by Justin, with me watching at the side. Justin then pulled away, gave me a look, and placed his lips on Mikey’s. Mikey seemed alarmed, but he didn’t exactly fight it.
“J-J-Justin… Br-Brendon’s right there!”
“I know,” Justin sighed, “We… we broke up. I was in love with what he did for us, rather than who he was, Mikey. I was really touched that he would defend the two of us from that monster… and I tricked myself into thinking I loved him.” He pecked Mikey’s lips softly and added, “I’ve loved you since the beginning. Your smile, your laugh, your awkward knees… I love everything about you, flaws and all. It really hurts to see you doing this to yourself.” He gently began to stroke Mikey’s cheek. “I love you, Mikey. I love you so much… please stop hurting yourself like this.”
I smiled at the two and stood. “I’ll give you guys a few minutes.” I left the room, leaving the two alone.
Once I was outside of the room, though, I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous. Thing is, I wasn’t sure who I was jealous of.
When I went downstairs to get some coffee, I found Gerard at the coffee maker, a look of anger on his face. Gerard gave me a glare, to which I responded with one of my own.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Gerard asked, stepping over to me. “You fuck my little brother, then you break up with him and send him into this horrible depression. Then you turn around and fuck his best friend, who is the reason why you two broke up in the first place and why Mikey’s now on drugs and starving himself.”
“I didn’t think something like this would even happen, Gerard,” I said, trying to defend myself. “I just… I shouldn’t have even kissed him. If I had known that this would happen, I would’ve just stayed in the friend zone. I still really care about him-”
“Then why would you do this to him?”
“I don’t know! I just… after I beat up Pete for what he did to Mikey, Justin… we just… we kissed!”
“Hold up,” Gerard said, “What did Pete do to my little brother?”
I hesitated, not quite sure how to go about this. How was I supposed to tell him that his brother had been raped? I sighed, knowing that I would have to give him an answer.
“You know that concert Mikey went to a few days ago?” Gerard nodded. “Pete had invited the three of us, but Justin refused to go… Pete had, uh… Pete raped him a few days before.” I tried to ignore the look of shock on Gerard’s face as I continued. “Pete had drugged Mikey at the concert, and I was about to take him home when Pete took him instead. I tried to stop him, but Andy assured me that everything would be fine.” I swallowed hard. “I had no idea that anything had happened until… until Pete sent me a picture-”
“Let me see the picture,” Gerard said.
“Gerard, it’s-”
“Let. Me. See. The. Picture.”
I nodded and sighed, pulling out my phone. I pulled up the picture and slowly handed it to Gerard. Gerard looked like he was going to be sick.
“Pete raped him. Pete raped Mikey, and I could’ve prevented that…” I whispered, “I didn’t, and that’s how all this started. I’m so sorry, Gerard.”
“He never told me,” Gerard whispered, sitting down, “He didn’t tell me that Pete raped him? He… he didn’t tell me about the drugs or the anorexia… what else hasn’t he told me?” Gerard gave me a helpless look. “What else is my brother hiding from me?”
“As far as I know,” I said, “Nothing else. Gerard, I understand that you’re mad at me for being with Justin. I understand that Mikey will be upset… I just… he needs to know. I need to tell him.”
Gerard seemed rattled by what he had just discovered. “Y-you’re right… I am mad at you. But you just told me this, and I realize that you’re not the only cause. I’m sorry, Brendon, and I’ll let Justin know that I’m sorry… but that doesn’t change that what you’re doing now is hurting Mikey.”
“Which is why I need to talk to him.”
Gerard nodded. “Yeah. You really do. And if he tries to kill himself, tries anything that’ll hurt him, I know who to blame.”
“Mikey? Can we… can we talk?”
Mikey nodded, prompting me to close the door. I sat down on the bed, across from where he sat. Immediately, he asked, “Is this about you and Justin?”
I nodded, “Yeah. Look, Mikey, I know it’s a dick move, but-”
“I get it, Brendon. Look, I have no say in who you date. I have no say in who Justin dates. It’s awkward, and, yes, it is a dick move, but I do understand. Things like this happen, and I have to accept that.” Mikey sighed, pulling his knees up to his chest. “Gerard said that Justin was being a shit friend. I’d agree if Justin wasn’t one of my only friends. He’s not a shit friend… he was there by my side since day one. I’m not willing to throw that all away over this. As long as you two keep the kissing and the loving to a minimum when you’re around me… then fine. Fuck all you want.”
I got up and pulled Mikey into a tight hug. “I swear, Mikey… I still care for you. I still want you to smile and laugh and be happy. I want you to stop with the drugs and stop starving yourself. Justin feels so guilty about this… I think it would be best if you two talked, too.”
Mikey nodded and sighed shakily. “I will. I need him to know that he’s still me best friend.”
“Good,” I said, smiling. I kissed the top of his head and added, “I want you both to be happy, Mikey.”
I laid down next to Justin, panting hard. Gerard had taken Mikey home a few hours ago, and Frank had gone out for a job interview, so we had the house to ourselves.
“I just… I can’t believe that he’s okay with this,” Justin panted, laying his head down on my chest. “I would’ve thought that he’d hate my guts.”
“He told me that he didn’t want to lose any of his friends. That’s really bittersweet,” I sighed, kissing his forehead.
Justin gave me a loving smile. “I… I really hope he gets better. I hate seeing him like this.”
I nodded before bringing him in for a soft kiss. “Go to sleep, babe. You sound tired.”
Justin nodded and sighed in content. He was soon sound asleep, which left me to my thoughts.
Justin and I fell in love after all this drama happened… which brought something to my mind.
Maybe Justin didn’t love me… rather, he loved what I did. I defended the two of them, beat the shit out of Pete after he raped them. Maybe he was so touched, he convinced himself that he was in love.
I didn’t want to think like that, so I pushed that thought away. Surely it was just me doubting myself.
A few days later, the two of us were making out on my bed. The thought still nagged at me as I nipped at Justin’s collarbone, and I continued to ignore it. Finally, Justin stopped me.
“Brendon… I’m really not in the mood for sex,” he said, “I’m so sorry.”
“Hey, it’s fine, Justin,” I murmured, kissing him, “It’s fine. I understand. We have a whole month, anyway, so I’m in no hurry.”
Frank and Gerard were out of state, so the two of us were alone for the next month. Mikey’s mother was supposed to be taking care of him, but she left a day after Gerard did. Gerard had thought that she wouldn’t stick around, so he asked me to check in on Mikey often, to which I agreed to do.
“Justin… I have a really serious question.”
“Yes, Brendon?”
“Are you really in love with me,” I asked, “or are you in love with what I did for you and Mikey?”
Justin furrowed his eyebrows and opened his mouth, as though he were going to say something, then closed it again. “Brendon… what do you mean?”
“Justin, we could barely stand each other when Mikey and I started going out. You hated me. We sort of became friends after you were raped, and after I beat up Pete for what he did… you kissed me. So… are you in love with me, or do you only think you’re in love because of what I did for you and Mikey?”
“I… I really don’t know, Bren,” Justin sighed, resting his head on my shoulder. “Um… before you and Mikey were a thing, I had this insane crush on him. I… I still do. He’s just… he’s a wonderful, beautiful person, both inside and out. He makes my heart soar and- oh my god." Justin gave me a guilty look. “Brendon, I’m sorry-”
“Don’t be, Justin,” I said, kissing his forehead. “I had no idea that you loved him for so long. It kinda makes me feel like a douche.”
“Well,” Justin sighed, “At least you’re not the one that forcefully took away my virginity.”
I sighed and pulled Justin closer to me. “Justin… if you really love him… you need to tell him. He needs this now more than ever. I’d rather you date the one you’ve loved for so long rather than the one you only think you love.” I gave him one last kiss on the lips. “C’mon… let’s go tell Mikey right now that you love him. Let’s try to get things back to normal.”
Justin smiled at me as we stood up off the bed. He pulled me into a hug, his arms wrapped around my neck. “Thank you so much for understanding, Brendon.”
Mikey wasn’t answering the door when we arrived at his house. Justin looked like he had lost all hope when I remembered something from the very first time I came. I checked the door and, sure enough, it was unlocked.
“I swear,” I sighed, “That kid really needs to learn to keep the door locked.” Justin nodded in agreement and followed me into the house, which was eerily quiet. An uneasy feeling set in my stomach as I called Mikey’s name.
“Maybe he’s sleeping?” Justin suggested.
I shook my head. “Mikey’s a pretty light sleeper… unless it’s after sex.”
Justin’s face turned pink, signaling that he didn’t really need to know that. I moved upstairs and checked Mikey’s bedroom. Nobody was present.
“Brendon!” Justin sounded frantic when he called my name. I ran out of Mikey’s room and into the bathroom, where I found Mikey trembling in Justin’s arms. A little blood dripped from Mikey’s lips and he looked extremely pale. I looked into the toilet and discovered that Mikey had been purging a bit too much, as there was blood present.
“I’ll call an ambulance,” I said, snapping out of my daze. Justin nodded and ran his fingers gently through Mikey’s soft locks.
Justin was curled up next to Mikey in the hospital bed, tears streaming from his eyes. I rubbed his arm, offering what comfort I could to Justin as he watched Mikey sleep.
There had been a small tear in Mikey’s stomach lining, which was easily patched up through surgery. Currently, an IV drip was supplying the nutrients that Mikey hadn’t been receiving, wires monitored his heart rate, and an oxygen mask had been placed over his pale face, assisting in the effort to breathe.
The doctor said that Mikey would be okay. I found it hard to believe, considering how tiny he looked in the bed, but I was assured that Mikey would be ready to leave by tomorrow evening. I had already called Gerard, who promised to be back within the next few hours. I was sure to get an earful for this, but frankly, that was the last thing on my mind.
“He’ll be okay, Justin,” I said, kissing his forehead. I placed a kiss onto Mikey’s as well, offering whatever comfort I could to the two. “Get some rest. I’ll wake you if he wakes up.”
Justin quietly thanked me before his eyes slid shut letting sleep take him. I shrugged off my jacket and draped it over the two of them, sighing heavily. It was sure to be a long night.
I was starting to doze off when Mikey shifted in his sleep. I immediately snapped out of it, closely watching Mikey for any signs of waking. Once I was sure that Mikey really was waking up, I shook Justin lightly.
As soon as Mikey’s eyes opened, he made a confused sound. His hand went for the oxygen mask that obscured his features, and he slipped if off. Justin brought him in for a gently hug, a sigh of relief escaping him.
“I’m so sorry, Mikes,” Justin whimpered.
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for, Justin,” Mikey sighed softly, “I just… I pushed a little too hard.”
For a few minutes, it was silent- just Mikey being held by Justin, with me watching at the side. Justin then pulled away, gave me a look, and placed his lips on Mikey’s. Mikey seemed alarmed, but he didn’t exactly fight it.
“J-J-Justin… Br-Brendon’s right there!”
“I know,” Justin sighed, “We… we broke up. I was in love with what he did for us, rather than who he was, Mikey. I was really touched that he would defend the two of us from that monster… and I tricked myself into thinking I loved him.” He pecked Mikey’s lips softly and added, “I’ve loved you since the beginning. Your smile, your laugh, your awkward knees… I love everything about you, flaws and all. It really hurts to see you doing this to yourself.” He gently began to stroke Mikey’s cheek. “I love you, Mikey. I love you so much… please stop hurting yourself like this.”
I smiled at the two and stood. “I’ll give you guys a few minutes.” I left the room, leaving the two alone.
Once I was outside of the room, though, I couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous. Thing is, I wasn’t sure who I was jealous of.
@trini47
Not to sound rude or anything, but we've been incredibly busy lately and fan fiction takes a backseat to the real world. I'm not sure when it will be updated, but it will (eventually) be updated.
6/20/14