What Happens in High School

Max’s POV

Bob came over after school and I taught him how to paint. I was working on a painting of the galaxies all day. It was looking really cool and when Bob came over he helped me put in the stars. I taught him how to splatter the paint to look like thousands of tiny stars twinkling in the night sky, and he didn’t do a bad job. We painted and he watched me paint and then when it was finished I topped it off with my signature and insisted that Bob write his name too. He only wrote his initials saying he didn’t really contribute. I begged to differ. He wrote ‘BCB’ at the bottom under my name in white paint. Did you know his middle name was Corey? Hot right?

Bob noticed my scars and asked me about them. I can’t say that I didn’t see it coming but maybe just not right now. I explained that it was an old habit and he was surprisingly cool about it. He told me that my past was not an issue and that he only cared about my safety. He also called me nice and sweet so that was awesome too. It made me happy that he didn’t judge me based on my past and was only concerned with my well-being. It was totally rad that he was that type of person. He only got better and better every time I saw him.

When Bob left I wanted him to kiss me but he didn’t. I don’t know what stopped him. Did he not like me anymore? Did Jack change his mind? I didn’t want Bob to think differently of me because Jack had been a dick. Maybe it was the scars, had they bothered him after all?

I settled for a hug as he left which covered his shirt in paint. I felt a little bad but it looked cool and he didn’t seem to mind too much. The hug was totally worth the paint stains by the way. I got the puzzle piece feeling all over again. I leaned into him not wanting to ever let go. But it had to end eventually. He had band practice and he had to leave before Frank ruined another moment. At least I got to see his face when he realized what I’d done to his shirt.
After Bob was gone I went back up into my room and cleaned up my painting supplies. I looked at the easel holding my masterpiece. The blending of colors and use of various techniques was great and all but the stars were what really made it. It wasn’t how they looked or how many there were, it was the fact that Bob had helped create them. He added his own handful to the sky and even though I wasn’t exactly sure which ones they were, those were my favorites.

I let the painting dry for a while as I did my homework from the day before. As stupid and weak as it sounds, I wasn’t in the right mindset to do anything other than cry and eat ice cream while watching Finding Nemo yesterday. I put off my homework as long as I could but realized that I had to get it done eventually and sooner was better than later. I got to my work and by the time I was done two hours later, my painting had dried but unfortunately so had the paint on my face and my arms, and not to mention in my hair. I put away my school things and went to take a shower. I scrubbed off the paint from my skin with relative ease but getting it out of my hair seemed to be a larger challenge. Half an hour and four shampoos later all of the paint seemed to be out of my hair. I stepped out of the shower and put on some pajamas even though it was only 6 o’clock.

As I dried my hair I checked for stray splatters of paint. I was completely paint free but also completely worn-out. I climbed into bed and read for a while until my eyes started to get heavy. It was a little early to go to bed but I didn’t care. I put my book down and shut off my light. The time was 8:26. If I went to sleep now I could get ten hours of sleep, which would be a first. Of course that didn’t happen.

The moment my head hit the pillow I thought I would fall right asleep but instead I couldn’t even keep my eyes closed. I stared at the ceiling and thought of the one thing that had been on my mind all day, or rather the one person who had been on my mind all day. Bob came over so unexpectedly and most normal girls in my shoes would have been mortified to have someone as strapping and perfect as Bob come to their house, meet their obnoxious little brother and see them covered in ugly paint clothes with their hair looking a mess, but I wasn’t. I didn’t mind that Bob had seen me looking so strange and meeting my even stranger kid brother. I felt like myself around him and he accepted me which made it that much better.

All day as I painted, I couldn’t get his image out of my mind. I was surprised that I didn’t just paint him; though that would have been embarrassing if that’s what he saw when he came up to my room. I couldn’t do that even if I tried anyway. I would never in a million years be able to capture every perfect detail and recreate it on a canvas. I wasn’t even sure if Gerard could do that, and he was a much better artist than me. I could remember every bit of him. The clear icy blue color of his eyes hiding behind his golden blonde hair. His little bit off scruff that he kept neat and trimmed and really suited his face. The dark steel ring looped through his bottom lip off to the right side.

I loved every part of him. I loved the way he hugged me, his strong grip holding me close to him yet remaining gentle enough as not to hurt me. Hearing his heart beat as I laid my head up against his chest. His warm breath against my skin while he held me in his arms. How badly I wanted to be there right now, with him, holding him close to me and knowing everything would be okay, that I was safe there. Why hadn’t he just kissed me today when he had the chance?

I couldn’t help but think that it was something I’d done. Or maybe that there was something wrong with me, that he’d realized he was wrong and he didn’t like me after all. I couldn’t think of anything I might have done wrong. Maybe he just changed his mind. Maybe he just thought that I was a better friend, someone he couldn’t see himself dating. Or maybe it was the scars.

These thoughts weren’t exactly the mood booster I was looking for. I didn’t want to think about Bob that way, with someone else. I nearly cried at the thought. I didn’t just like him anymore, I was in love with him. I was one-hundred percent, completely in love with him. This is the first time that I had admitted it to myself and I was having a hard time believing it. But still, it felt so right. I’d never been in love before. I’d loved people, but only my family and Ray. This was a new feeling for me. I didn’t know what was normal and what wasn’t. Most importantly though, I didn’t know what Bob thought.
…

Things seemed normal enough when I saw Bob the next morning. I noticed him giving me looks in the rearview mirror when Ray wasn’t watching. I smiled back at him remembering the day before. I really enjoyed painting and spending time with Bob but as stupid as it sounds, and is, I was still annoyed at him. I wasn’t annoyed so much in the fact that he didn’t kiss me yesterday, I guess it was more that he’d had so many opportunities. I wanted him so bad but he just kept leading me on with no results. I didn’t like having my heartstrings tugged on, and since I was so in love with Bob, it hurt more to think that he’d get my hopes so high just to cut me loose and have me fall hard.

I smiled back at Bob when I saw him but it wasn’t like it was before. Admittedly, I had to force it just a little to hide the fact that he’d upset me. I wasn’t going to cry over it, but I still wasn’t okay with it. I considered the fact that I would just have to be patient with Bob, but I was patient. I gave him his time and even space to be alone, but still every time he pulled me close, he’d just end up pushing me away.

I rid myself of these thoughts as we pulled into school; I wasn’t going to let it distract me. We got out of the car and went in our respective directions off to class. Ray took off down the hall across school leaving Bob and I alone. On any other day conversation would have come naturally; talking about music or the band, but today was harder. We could both feel the awkwardness between us. Truthfully, I didn’t think there was anything to be uncomfortable about, but something about Bob’s disposition told me to lay off the topic. We exchanged looks and ‘how-are-yous’ as we made our way to homeroom, but it was nothing compared to our other conversations. I didn’t like being this way around him. I wanted to go back to the way things were when I was far past square one. Now I felt like I’d backtracked again. Why?

Class began without a word and continued on that way, as had most of our other classes together. Normally we’d exchange looks when the teacher wasn’t watching or even pass the occasional note when the coast was clear. Nothing today though, not even so much as a glance over to me. It hurt knowing that all we had built was slowly fading away, and over what? Some dumb-ass jock who didn’t know how to keep his trap shut? Well, that and my stupid messed up past.

I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why Bob would push me away over something like that. I knew he was by no means a shallow guy so this was really out of character for him. He was acting so strange over something neither of us had any control over, especially when he said it didn’t matter to him. He was so supportive and caring when Jack was dick to me and when he found out about my cutting and now that everything was supposedly resolved, Bob just faded away. It made me want to just leave him completely and not talk to him again, just get away before my heart was truly broken, but something made me stay. I couldn’t figure out what though.

I thought about all the good times we’d had and the moments we’d shared and it made staying worthwhile. I at least wanted to keep Bob as a friend if dating him really wasn’t going to work out. I’d rather have him in my life as a friend than not at all. I choked up a little at this thought. I didn’t want Bob out of my life but I also realized how hard it would be to have him slowly slipping away. I’d only known him for like two months but it was too late, I was hooked and nothing was going to shake these feelings.

I went about the rest of the week in much the same routine. Go to school with Ray and Bob, don’t talk to Bob, go home and eat ice cream because I was sad about Bob. Ben and Jerry totally saved my life. I probably could have tried harder to fix things with Bob but I just didn’t know where to start. Even though I only had guy friends I still knew little to nothing about the inner workings of a male’s mind. I had no idea what any of what he was doing meant or how to handle it.

As I sat alone in my room thinking about this crappy point of my life I realized there was one thing I could do. I picked up my phone and dialed the number I knew by heart into the key pad. It rang a few times and then I heard the familiar, “Yep?” Ray was the only person I’d call when I didn’t know what to do. He was the smartest and most supportive person I knew, and he was my best friend. If anyone knew how to help me, it was Ray.

Notes

ON TIME!!!!!! Finally, stuck to a schedule! Enjoy the reading, leave a comment, see ya next week! :D