Honey, this Mirror Ain't Big Enough for the Two of Us.

Chapter 7- Gerard/Frank
I try to avoid Frank in the next few days, sinking into the shadows of this joint.
The note that Ray gave to me remains under my bed, wrinkled from reading and re-reading. It all makes no sense.First I hear frank confessing something to Ray about a man, and then I get this note from Ray saying not to hurt Frankie. Why the fuck would I hurt him? I’m not physically strong enough to pick fights anyways.
Late one night as I lay awake, my head spinning with thoughts and feelings I don’t understand, a small voice in the back of my head whispers to me. “You know that note isn’t about hurting him physically at all. It’s about emotionally hurting Frank. You’re just in denial, because you know you already have.”
I crush the thought into a pulp, ignoring and denying it over and over. It still repeats in my head constantly though, no matter how much I try to destroy it.
I can hear Frank in his room every night, screaming his head off. Scratching at spiders that aren’t there and screaming nonsense, my heart aches for him as I remember how hard I was for me when I first started using. Going even a day without a fix was torture. I try not to dwell on my past often as it brings back painful memories and feelings, but every scream ripped from Frank’s throat, every minute I know he stays up, terrified at nothing, every morning in the lunch hall when I glance at the ever-darkening circles under his eyes, all of it each brings back a flood of repressed parts of my life. Like another stitch being ripped out of its wound.
One particularly bad night for him, that I know is right before his ‘hangover’ starts, the time of which will leave Frankie in a deteriorated state and utterly exhausted in every way, his screaming is particularly horrible. Not even Ray’s singing can calm him down. I can hear the curly haired doctor start to cry softly, watching Frank. He seems to have such a connection to Frank. He exits quietly, ignoring Frank’s screams and leaving the door open. I stare at the wall, angry at Ray for walking out on Frank in his most desperate time of need. My door is suddenly unlocked and thrown open, the door hitting the wall with a slam. I jump back, trying futilely to hide back in my sheets and pretend I am asleep, thinking it is Lindsey, who is hounding me that my sleep is important to my recovery.
I hear a tear filled sniff coming from the doorway, and peek out over the covers. Ray stands there, trying to compose himself before he speaks. He says, mucus coating his voice, “You’re a horrible actor, Gerard. Get the fuck up and help me, please. I need you to help me.”
I sit up, crossing my arms and looking down. Ray glances down the hall, probably looking for people awoken by Frank’s terror. He comes into my room and sits on the foot of my bed, wiping his watery and reddened eyes. “Look, Gerard, first of all you’re twenty four, don’t act like such a child. And secondly, he needs you. There’s no one he trusts, but he trusts you, a least a bit. He’s just met you, but I swear to god, he’s obsessed with you. I think you’re the only one who could help him right now, please. Get in there and save him.”
I look at him, ashamed. “You told me not to hurt him, and I managed to fuck that up. He doesn’t want me to help him, believe me.”
He glares at me, whispering so we aren’t heard. “His parents taught him to hate being gay and that it is wrong. He was just embarrassed you overheard us talking. He…he needs you, now! I can’t lose him.”
Ray’s voice cracks and that decides it for me. I have to trust he is telling the truth and go to Frank. I hurriedly walk to his room, swinging on the doorframe to turn quicker. I approach Frankie, watching him convulse on the sheets and scream in horror at his hallucinations. Sitting on the edge of his bed, I wait for him to recognize me. He turns to me, first seeing through me and then his glazed eyes focus, taking me in. His scream subsides, to be replaced with sobbing and crying. I tentatively move closer, not wanting him to feel I am attacking him or forcing myself on him. He looks at me for a moment, huddled and crying, and my heart breaks. I hold out my arms for him, and he flings himself into me, clutching at my shoulders and chest.
I hug him tightly, petting the back of his head, stroking his hair. “Shhh, Frank, Frankie, it’s gonna be okay, you’re fine, I’m fine, I’m sorry, we’re both fine. Shhhh. You’ll be fine baby.”
Hot tears leak down my face as I hold Frank, my willpower gone. I cry with him and hold him against my chest, trying to protect him from his demons. I continue to talk to him, saying anything reassuring that comes to my mind. “You can beat them, Frankie. It’s all in your head. One day, when you’re old and wrinkled, you’ll look back on this and shake your head, wondering how it ever got this bad, how much better it is now. You can make it through this. We can make it through this.”
His crying subsides, and I lay my head on his as he shakes, whimpering and shivering. I look down at him, giving him a sad smile. I feel his hands un-claw and he wraps his arms around my waist. I slowly pick him up, bridal style, and carry him a few steps to the head of his bed. I start to lower him, but I’m stopped as he whines quietly, an agitated sound in the back of his throat. He whispers to me in a broken, raspy voice. “…Stay with me?”
Ray clears his throat quietly at the door. I look over to him, frozen in the process of putting Frankie down. I look at him questioningly, half hoping I can stay here, sleeping with my arms intertwined with Frank’s and half hoping he will tell me to leave, so I can pretend I am not desperately in love with this broken boy and leave, shutting out my emotions.
He whispers to me, “I think it would be best if you slept here tonight. I don’t think either of you would be able to sleep alone right now, anyways.”
He starts to shut the door, but sticks his head back in in a second. “You two are good for each other, you know.”
I blush a bit after he shuts the door and I slowly lower Frank into bed. I climb into it right after him and wrap my arms back around him. He snuggles into my chest, and I notice he is wearing my hoodie I left here several nights ago, now washed and smelling like Frank does, like cigarettes and coffee. I smile and wipe any remaining tears from my face, carefully placing a kiss on Frankie’s forehead. I rest my head next to his on the pillow and drift off to sleep.
Frank-
I remember screaming pain, horrible anguish. Then him, Gerard. He came and saved me. Saved me when even Ray couldn’t. His arms around me. Safe, warm. Safer than I’ve ever felt before. His sweet voice in my ear. ‘Shhh, Frank, Frankie, it’s gonna be okay, you’re fine, I’m fine, I’m sorry, we’re both fine. Shhhh. You’ll be fine baby.’ I can’t fight him. His hands on my head, on my hair. His soft lips on my forehead. Keeping me safe.
I can feel it. It’s undeniable. I can’t stay away from him. Everything about him is perfect. I can’t keep fooling myself. It’s time to face the music.
I love Gerard.

Gerard-
I am awoken by Ray, his gentle hand on my shoulder. Looking around, I realize that in his sleep, Frank has come to rest with his head on my chest and his hands intertwined with my own. I blush lightly at Ray’s small smile and make a move to wake Frankie. He stops me. “Gerard, he probably doesn’t remember anything from last night. It’s probably best if you leave before he wakes up and explain it to him later. Lindsey will also freak out if you’re not in your bed when she comes to wake you. ”
I nod, feeling deep down in my stomach a shred of remorse at not being able to watch Frank wake up. I very carefully extract myself from our pile of limbs and stand up, stretching and feeling my limbs pop. Glancing look down at Frank’s sleeping form, I brush the hair off of his closed eyes and slowly walk out with Ray.
Ray stops me in the hallway after the door has clicked shut behind us. “Thank you so much for your help last night; I didn’t know how to calm him down.” I look at him, surprised at his gratitude.
I respond, a bit nervous to be confessing this for the first time. “It was no problem. I think….that I may be in love with Frank,” I look down at my shoes, unable to meet his eyes.
He snorts quietly. “Yeah, I know. No offence, Gerard, but you could not possibly be more obvious.” He says, humor in his eyes.
I roll my eyes at him and turn to enter my room, leaving Ray in the hallway to chuckle at me. Is it really that obvious? Fuck.
I wonder if he feels the same way, after last night. I don’t know what to think of his feelings for me anymore.
I sit down on my bed and close my eyes, imagining I am still holding Frank.

Notes

I love how this chapter turned out. Thank you to all for your amazing support for this story!
Ray is just kind of watching this shit-storm unfold, laughing knowingly. I think he has become the dad that neither of the boys have in the story.
love you guys! new chapter tomorrow!
kthnksbyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
XXX MourningGlory XXX